How long does it take to forget someone?

how long does it take to forget, or in other words "lose feelings for", someone you once loved and cared about?

I had my first real girlfriend earlier this year, started texting and talking after christmas. Spent new years eve with her which was was one of the best nights of my life I think. Also it was the first time for me ever kissing a girl on the lips and making out. And a week or two later I spent the night with her and lost my virginity with her, which was another awesome night. Although I was kinda nervous cause I was worried that I wasnt gonna be very good for her. Honestly I loved this girl so much, I loved everything about her and the just the couple of times I got to spend with her I enjoyed every second being with her. and she told me she felt the same way about me and I was the best guy she had ever been with. But after only talking and seeing each other for like 3 weeks, just out of the blue she stopped talking to me and said she just didnt want to date anybody at the time and that she just wanted to be friends. for a little while I was so confused I didnt know what to do. Here I really thought I was in love when the whole time I was just being toyed with.

Ive texted her a few times since then, just sayin "hey" or "whatsup". a few times she replies back but doesnt really say much. ive told myself over and over to just forget her and stop trying to talk to her but I cant get myself to do it. and almost every day I still get to thinking about her when I see stuff that reminds me of her. Then the more I think about her the more lonely and down an out I feel.

She should have given you some explanation at least. First love can be such a bitch, man, believe me. This is the first time you've connected in such a way and made yourself vulnerable. It will take some time to get over her, but you will. Try spending your time doing the things you love, meeting people you like.

i had this best friend from 8 years to 12 years or so, and then he had to leave the country, and since then we haven't talked because our fathers had a fight after they left. sometimes i remember how funny he was, and all the bull**** we did together. ahh that was still were life was about living, and not fighting to survive every single day.

It takes me FOREVER. Practically I am still crying about friends I lost years ago.
Especially ones that I look at now and are doing so happy and good.
I've lost sooo many friends.
Some of my friends moved, they were my besties, and they call me sometimes and contact me but it'll never be the same. ;[

Pretty much what iluv said.

This is why i dont keep friendships, i dont see the point...unless its online.....is that wierd?

A few months to a year.

Sorry to hear your situation, man on the hill. Maybe she thought she would end it early to spare your feelings but that obviously hasn't happened.

It doesn't take me long to sever attachment, I have found, but I never forget.

I think for a first relationship it can take a while. For more experienced daters, maybe it's just another date. I don't know.

For my first real bf of about 5 months in first year uni (I wasn't his first gf though), it took me close to a year to completly forget. I don't mean I was thinking about everyday, but I definately wasn't entirly over it for a long time. In the end, I don't know how it happened (how I got over him)...it just happend, almost like a miracle.

So since it's your first gf, it might take a little long - but maybe not as long as someone who was in a long term relationship. But I guess it also just depends on your personality type.

Maybe this sounds bad, but I've been told over and over again that once you 'replace' that person with someone else-- it's much easier.
Be it a friend, a lover or even with a full time job to occupy yourself with.

When I had my heart broken, everyone I knew was telling me to get out there and date.
I went on 3 blind dates-- all 3 of them ditched me a few minutes in... and that really doesn't help my confidence. haha
I don't want to date.
It'll be 4 years in september, I think. My heart still hurts alot.


Its different for everyone, though.
Hopefully less difficult for someone who is active in other areas of their life and not agoraphobic.

I would say the amount of time it takes you to forget someone depends on the amount of time you spend trying to forget about them.

Now, when I say this... I am not saying it is EASY, things are hard, of course but they are possible.

Just stop thinking about how fantastic she was, stop idealizing the situation, stop thinking back to the memories and wishing they could come back, stop looking back and being sad it is no longer. You have to replace those thoughts with something else, you have to let go and move on.

I think you found someone that you got along well with, but I can't say that it was love. You just found someone you really liked. I know it is hard but you just have to delete her number and let go. The sooner you start moving on the sooner you will feel better and find someone new.

MsBuzzkillington said:

I would say the amount of time it takes you to forget someone depends on the amount of time you spend trying to forget about them.

Now, when I say this... I am not saying it is EASY, things are hard, of course but they are possible.

Just stop thinking about how fantastic she was, stop idealizing the situation, stop thinking back to the memories and wishing they could come back, stop looking back and being sad it is no longer. You have to replace those thoughts with something else, you have to let go and move on.

I think you found someone that you got along well with, but I can't say that it was love. You just found someone you really liked. I know it is hard but you just have to delete her number and let go. The sooner you start moving on the sooner you will feel better and find someone new.

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yea I understand completely what you mean. when I think about it, it really is hard to know if I was really "in love" or just "good friends" I guess. I have been single my whole life (26 yrs old) and I had been longing for a girlfriend/relationship for so long that I guess I tried to make myself "fall in-love" with her, which I did untill she decided otherwise. before I was with her I had been depressed for a long time and was getting worse, but when I was with her I felt COMPLETELY opposite and snapped out of my depression it seemed like. I woke up excitied every morning thinking about her. but now im slowly betting back to my old depressed-self I think. I am just tired of being single and feeling so lonely all the time. I Cant wait till I meet the right girl and really have a nice relationship. I guess its a nice dream to look forward to

You have to find happiness on your own. It can't be dependent on another person. You can't look for someone to make you feel happy. If you are expecting to find happiness when you finally meet someone and get into a relationship, it isn't going to work out. When things go sour with them, you will get depressed again or if things are going well, you will feel happy. It will be up and down based on how things are going. You don't want that.

I know it is really hard, bu we have to learn how to be happy on our own, with ourselves and learn how to love ourselves the way we are.

Ahh. Sorry to hear what's happened man.
Same thing happened to me around 2 months ago and i'm still feeling it, so i'd say a few months, though I guess it differs for each person.
Just find things to do to distract your mind as sitting at home and dwelling just makes it so much harder, go out, party, hang with friends etc.

If I were you I'd stop texting her entirely unless she initiates and even then try not to get your hopes up. I was doing the same thing, got the same results and all it did was make me feel worse.

In time you WILL get over her though, so just hang in there bro!

Few months, but it will always hurt a touch, until you will find someone then it won't matter, but no worries, you will get over it and be happy.

As I tell my father, apathy can fix just about anything, but it comes at a price sometimes.. If you reach the point where you just really don't care about really anything, this will be a non-issue.. But other issues will be caused by the apathy.. I had to go through OC spray as training and everyone else was freaking out.. I just accepted that it was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it.. Funny thing I learned about myself and OC spray is I am immune to it..lol I was still very anxious, but at the same time I just didn't care. Hope my story helps..

i got dumped 2 years ago and i still think about her and miss her, she dumping me wasnt very nice tho,
she refused to see me for 5 weeks due to what she said was because my grandad had just passed away. during that time she was seeing someone else aswell...someone who i thought was my friend.
wouldnt even talk to me online or on the phone just out right ignored me when i needed her the most. i even walked to her house which is like a 5 hour walk, for her to refuse to open the door to me.
then dumped me on facebook, not even in private message but on my wall so all my friends and family could see it.
when i asked her why she didnt just dump me out right instead of stringing me along making everything worse she replied with "wheres the fun in that".

as much as i hate her for doing that i still miss her, just the number 4 makes me think about her (was her favourite number and her birthday).

feelings are one of the worse things to conquer in my opinion.
ive been told i need to find another girlfriend its supposed to help with forgetting but ive been unable to find someone i care about in the same way.
my sister told me hatred is the best way to get over someone, i never got that but it might work.

as far as im concerned your feelings will never go away for someone you have really cared about, they will always be in your mind and your heart. its just how you deal with those feelings
for me i play a song i can sing along too, i find it keeps my mind busy.

-Duz

I heard somewhere that it takes approximately half the time you were together.
I was with my boyfriend for 8 years; it'll be 4 years since he left me in august and I'm nowhere near healed.

If it were half the time I knew him, that would be 15 years which would mean maybe it'll take 7 and a half years to 'get over it'.
Maybe it'll take me the rest of my life?
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and just not care?
You never know.
There's no precise calculation or unit of measurement for this type of thing.
Best thing you can do is continue to live your life-- meet new people, do new things and have fun.

WeirdyMcGee said:

I was with my boyfriend for 8 years; it'll be 4 years since he left me in august and I'm nowhere near healed.

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I'm really sorry.

WeirdyMcGee said:

There's no precise calculation or unit of measurement for this type of thing.

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That's true. It takes as long as it takes.

For me never.
I dont think that when you emotionally invest in someone you can truly forget about them. Especially if you cared about them....
or that your feelings were unrequited.

I can still remember every rejection I have had. And one in particular from nearly 7 years ago that still makes me feel hollow when I think about it.

Forget? NEVER. There will always be things in life that make you remember your past. People and moments etc...

Stop being in love/caring for them? Depends on the person I guess. I hear over time it gets easier. I suppose its similar to death, losing someone, you learn how to live without them.