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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

Hello, all.

I used to be pretty active on here, then stopped coming around for a long while. I've been lurking a bit lately, and I feel more comfortable asking this question on here than on the other SA forum I'm a member on.

Out of curiosity, how long, on average, do you guys think it takes to get over a past relationship? We'll say that it lasted about a year, both people became really close and did nearly everything together, and all that jazz. Do you think that remaining best friends despite the break-up makes it harder or easier to get over it?

Just wanna know what ya'll think.

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive, and not after he is dead."
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

I've heard that it should take about half the span of the relationship - in time - to 'get over' the relationship once it has ended.

So by that theory; if it's a year long relationship, it should take 6 months.

Everyone is different though.
Some people think that if you look for love elsewhere and fall for someone else- the pain will stop and you'll get over them faster.
Some people fall into a deep depression and never bother looking anywhere else, and it takes them longer; or they may never feel like they've 'gotten over it'.

The key is to go out and do things you love, be healthy and have fun without them.
If you feel like you have unresolved issues; sometimes, seeing a therapist may help.
Replacing the relationship with something physical, like: work, a hobby, a team sport, exercise may also help speed the process along.
Then again; it really depends on the person and how deep their feelings were.

-- as for the second part of your question; I wouldn't know.
My ex decided never to speak to me again, so I'll probably never see him again despite having been friends for 12 years and in a serious relationship for 8.
haha
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

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Originally Posted by WeirdyMcGee View Post
My ex decided never to speak to me again, so I'll probably never see him again despite having been friends for 12 years and in a serious relationship for 8.
haha
That is really unfortunate. :( Sorry to hear about that.

I find that, when I'm preoccupied with other things like school and work and whatnot, that helps to distract me so I don't think about it. I'm definitely NOT looking for a replacement, because, well, as nice as the romantic aspect of it all felt, it was the person who made it all worthwhile. I guess when put that way, it's not the actual relationship I'm not over, but rather the person I was with.

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive, and not after he is dead."
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

What I found that helps is, usually the person you're with is like the best person you know. At least for me it is. What I did was I went out and essentially found another best person to replace those feelings with.

But Weirdy is sort of right.... I liked this one girl for four months or so, not really serious but it was my "first love" or whatever and you know how that is. After it was done, it took about 2 months to get over it and that's because I found a different "best" person, who also happened to be a girl, which helped
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

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What I found that helps is, usually the person you're with is like the best person you know. At least for me it is. What I did was I went out and essentially found another best person to replace those feelings with.
I'm glad that worked for you, but, like I've already mentioned, I don't want a replacement. I'd feel like an asshat if I did that, for one, and I especially don't want to go through another reattachment process only for the new person to ditch out on me.

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive, and not after he is dead."
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

Takes me my whole life so far.
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

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I'm glad that worked for you, but, like I've already mentioned, I don't want a replacement. I'd feel like an asshat if I did that, for one, and I especially don't want to go through another reattachment process only for the new person to ditch out on me.
Not to the extreme connection. The first was romantic, obviously, but the replacement was better. Nothing sexual, just a person who can relate and understands and who is really cool, who you can exchange anything with. A best friend, essentially. I've seen people float from ****ty relationship to ****ty relationship, so I understand, it's just to get a friend to get your confidence back so you can go out there and.... I don't know, get another. Pick someone from this site, I'm sure you'll be able to be best friends with any of these people.
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

I've only had two relationships, and to be honest I was over both of them pretty much the next day. That's probably because with one of them we felt more like friends and it sorted of just fizzled out after 3 months. And the other guy took me for granted so I didn't really care about trying anymore so my heart wasn't in it and he wasn't who I thought anyway so I was glad to be shot of him. In a way I sort of want to somebody who I can ache over when it ends! It's different for everyone, and there are factors like having support from other people and distractions etc that affect how long it takes to get over a person.
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

I broke up with my high school sweetheart bc i was young and stupid...I still haven't gotten over it. That was 10 years ago.

on the bright side though, i got over my son's father in about a year.


I think it depends on the intensity of the relationship, the things shared during the relationship, and if you really loved them in the first place. I think once you love someone...REALLY love them...then you never fully stop loving them. You can move on and you can love another but a little part of you will always love that past person or people still. At least, that's the way my heart works. I can't give love and just turn it off like that.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
― Pablo Neruda
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Old 09-06-2011  
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Default Re: How long (on average) does it take to get over a past relationship?

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Originally Posted by this_portrait View Post
Out of curiosity, how long, on average, do you guys think it takes to get over a past relationship?
How long is a piece of string?

"There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face" - Shakespeare's Macbeth
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