How Many of You Struggle with Two Identities?

Lonely_Writer

Active member
Kind of a strange question, but I was reading a book recently about werewolves. And I found myself unintentionally empathizing with the beast.

How many of you feel like you struggle with an inner beast?-- an identity that you want everyone to see and an identity that you fear people seeing? Or maybe your identities are affected in a different way. I'd love to hear your ideas.

I should add that I'm a gay male--wondering if there's any other LGBTQ people out there who feel the same.
 

Lonely_Writer

Active member
I feel as though my sense of identity changes depending on my mental state and situation, I'm envious of people who seem to operate at a stable level all the time

What if those people that you think are operating at a stable level only appear that way? What if they're really suffering, but they have everyone convinced that they're doing great?
 

Lonely_Writer

Active member
I had a major identity crisis a few years ago. Pills and therapy snapped me out of it.

I'm right there with you! I have a lot of creative angst, and I find if I don't express it, I feel a lot worse. Sometimes I just have to let my more animalistic side take the wheel.
 

Lonely_Writer

Active member
Yes I'm sure this is how it is for many, and maybe I appear like that on the outside as well. I can think of people though who have kept themselves pretty much together through some really tough times that would be impossible to mask , they are naturally resilient. An analogy would be they are like well-built boats that can ride the waves in any weather and I'm a dingy that's easily swamped

Oh yeah, I agree with that. There are some incredibly resilient people out there. I have faith that you can be one of them. It just takes a little practice, like any skill in life.
 

laure15

Well-known member
Me too. It feels like I'm experiencing an identity crisis. I think I have 3 personalities: 1) the faker, 2) the emotional, vulnerable child, 3) the friendly, strong, mature adult. I usually show the 1st personality type to strangers and people whom I would like to keep at a distance. The 2nd personality usually manifests itself to my parents and close friends. And the 3rd one only exists in my head during my fantasies, as well as in the story that I'm writing.
 

Lonely_Writer

Active member
Me too. It feels like I'm experiencing an identity crisis. I think I have 3 personalities: 1) the faker, 2) the emotional, vulnerable child, 3) the friendly, strong, mature adult. I usually show the 1st personality type to strangers and people whom I would like to keep at a distance. The 2nd personality usually manifests itself to my parents and close friends. And the 3rd one only exists in my head during my fantasies, as well as in the story that I'm writing.

Don't worry, I have a mix of all three of those as well. Maybe we all do. For the second one you mentioned (the emotional, vulnerable child), I can't stress enough how important it is to have a creative outlet for that one to come out. It's safe, and harmless to you and those around you.

Writing is a catharsis for me. I'd love to read some of what you have.
 
How many of you feel like you struggle with an inner beast?-- an identity that you want everyone to see and an identity that you fear people seeing?
I am my own "twin flame" - the infamous Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. Very very seldom does my Mr Hyde come out nowadays, but he exists for sure. Not sure if he's just my particularly-strong "shadow" side, or what though. Will have to investigate further at some stage...
 

Ispoke

Member
I think this feeling is quite normal for any human being. Everyone has an emotional side that they cover up. It's a normal human condition, the whole beast/man dichotomy is as old as man itself. No worries.

The thing is that most with SA (or HSP in general) haven't learned the techniques, or react too strongly to be able to cover up their emotions. We tend to feel more fake, because we have to struggle more consciously with how we react. Thus, the faker aspect, which you spotted very precisely.

I can't help but think about the times I've been pleasantly drunk, and could just let go of these speculations and just be. It feels so logical when I'm in the moment, and I can even think about it consciously while being in the situation without it bothering me. The idea about "being yourself" basically. And I'm pretty sure you're yourself when you have fun, and laugh wholeheartedly.

It's all about handling emotions. The struggle happens because we have experience that made us choose unconsciously to be on the watch and thus thinking about our emotional responses, and especially others', to everything we say and do.

I guess we just have to remember that they're only thoughts. All human beings have a dark side that they want to hide, along with the sympathetic one, which represents our rational will (mostly).

Personally, my two identities are the "me alone" and "me with others". I feel so different when I'm alone, than when I'm with others. It really confuses me. It's like my brain works differently. But then again, the contrast to this would be that there was always someone watching me do everything. I guess it's called private space. Is that normal?
 
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Lonely_Writer

Active member
I am my own "twin flame" - the infamous Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. Very very seldom does my Mr Hyde come out nowadays, but he exists for sure. Not sure if he's just my particularly-strong "shadow" side, or what though. Will have to investigate further at some stage...

Yes! I love Jekyll and Hyde. They're my favs. Well, we've all got a mix of that one somewhere. It's all a matter of balancing them out--using their strengths and weaknesses to our advantage.
 

Lonely_Writer

Active member
I think this feeling is quite normal for any human being. Everyone has an emotional side that they cover up. It's a normal human condition, the whole beast/man dichotomy is as old as man itself. No worries.

The thing is that most with SA (or HSP in general) haven't learned the techniques, or react too strongly to be able to cover up their emotions. We tend to feel more fake, because we have to struggle more consciously with how we react. Thus, the faker aspect, which you spotted very precisely.

I can't help but think about the times I've been pleasantly drunk, and could just let go of these speculations and just be. It feels so logical when I'm in the moment, and I can even think about it consciously while being in the situation without it bothering me. The idea about "being yourself" basically. And I'm pretty sure you're yourself when you have fun, and laugh wholeheartedly.

It's all about handling emotions. The struggle happens because we have experience that made us choose unconsciously to be on the watch and thus thinking about our emotional responses, and especially others', to everything we say and do.

I guess we just have to remember that they're only thoughts. All human beings have a dark side that they want to hide, along with the sympathetic one, which represents our rational will (mostly).

Personally, my two identities are the "me alone" and "me with others". I feel so different when I'm alone, than when I'm with others. It really confuses me. It's like my brain works differently. But then again, the contrast to this would be that there was always someone watching me do everything. I guess it's called private space. Is that normal?

Ah, the "me alone" identity. I think that I have something similar to that when I'm writing. If people are around me, it gets distracting, and my ideas just don't flow like they should. When I'm alone, it's a little easier to jump into my own creative world.

The only thing I have to watch out for is spending too much time alone. All that loneliness gets to my head pretty fast, and my mental health suffers as a result. It all puzzles and fascinates me, really. :idontknow:
 

twiggle

Well-known member
The reason humans seem complicated is because they are naturally complex beings who often try too hard to fit into a single 'style' or personality.

Personalities have many different sides to them, a bit like how your tongue has a section to taste the sweet, a section to taste the savoury, and a section to taste the bitter. Everybody will contradict their own behaviour at some point, probably as result of the things around them.

It's when you start worrying yourself too much about that, and start thinking too hard about the way you do or 'should' behave, that it can turn into an identity crisis.

All you can do is just do and say exactly what you feel like doing and saying. If you don't feel like sharing a feeling with somebody, then you don't have to. It doesn't mean you have a problem of multiple identities.
 
I've never heard of that. Then again, I'm not so psych-savvy these days. Could you elaborate? It sounds interesting
Basically we relate to others (& ourselves) in these 3 general ways:
Parent

This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles, Father Christmas and Jack Frost. Our Parent is made up of a huge number of hidden and overt recorded playbacks. Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with 'how to', 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal', etc, etc. Our parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. We can change it, but this is easier said than done.

Child

Our internal reaction and feelings to external events form the 'Child'. This is the seeing, hearing, feeling, and emotional body of data within each of us. When anger or despair dominates reason, the Child is in control. Like our Parent we can change it, but it is no easier.

Adult

Our 'Adult' is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on received data. The adult in us begins to form at around ten months old, and is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child under control. If we are to change our Parent or Child we must do so through our adult.

In other words:

* Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life
* Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life
* Child is our 'Felt' concept of life

When we communicate we are doing so from one of our own alter ego states, our Parent, Adult or Child. Our feelings at the time determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another. When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states.
(from Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis parent adult child model, theory and history article)
 

miserablecow

Well-known member
I've always struggled with having more than one identity.

Being from a South-Asian background and being born and bought up in London, has instantly given me hardship (religion, culture etc). Always being inbetween cultures that don't agree with eachother. As a result I'm always showing the different sides of me to others, not wanting them to see the other. Not only this I'm also part of the LGBT community and within that community I'm having to do the same. Its a shame, as you would thing the community wouldn't judge you, yet they do and I'm part of a minority in that community.

Sorry, its hard for me to explain my situation properly, hope it makes sense.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
i do and always have.

Ppl think im outgoing and social. While truly inside im terrified and want to gtfo. Im very adept at hiding it. Its the only way i know how to really function in society. I get along with ppl at work, laugh, tell jokes, get along.

Once im done work i go home, thats my sanctuary, my refuge from everything. Only then do i feel i can let that mask go and truly be me.
 

coyote

Well-known member
i do and always have.

Ppl think im outgoing and social. While truly inside im terrified and want to gtfo. Im very adept at hiding it. Its the only way i know how to really function in society. I get along with ppl at work, laugh, tell jokes, get along.

Once im done work i go home, thats my sanctuary, my refuge from everything. Only then do i feel i can let that mask go and truly be me.

i'm very much the same way

i tend to be very chameleon-like in order to fit in with the group around me

in the last few years i feel like i've been able to be more "myself" all the time - i'm not sure if i've grown more confident in my identity or if i've just been fortunate to be in environments in which i feel comfortable most of the time.
 
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