How much of you social anxiety is linked to appearance?

Stressball

Well-known member
Just wanted to reach other to others and see if anyone else is feeling the same way. For a long time I explored the root reason as to why I have increasingly severe social anxiety and finally accepted it was due to my appearance. When I was a young kid, I was considered cute. I'd get endless compliments over how pretty and cute I was. I know its shallow, but as I got older and hit ****rty everything changed, like 360 degrees and I felt this pain inside me. All compliments stopped and friends of my family would give me puzzled looks instead.

My mother started to become really concerned over my weight gain and when she was having bad day she'd sometimes attack my physical appearance, calling my forehead or nose too big or nitpick at how fat I was. I'd ignore it and lash out back to make her feel worse, but the words cut so deep. If I had my hair tied up she'd tell me my face looked "softer" and less harsh with it down. She'd also say I'd get a boyfriend if I wasn't fat. Of course I knew I was overweight, but eating and video games became my escape and comfort more then ever. I got a kind of high and excitement from eating especially that I got nowhere else. I felt unpopular, ugly and inferior to everyone around me and it only got worse the older I got. I'd try to escape by focusing as much of my energy as possible on my passions, especially art, and got many compliments for it, but it never got rid of the fat ugly boring person I felt inside and out.

Did you struggle the same way? These days I hate my appearance more then ever, now that I'm older and everything's starting to age and sag. I feel frustrated knowing the only way I can look attractive is through plastic surgery and living in the gym. I *know* I should exercise and eat well for my health, but the vain depressed side of me keeps saying no matter how much I exercise and get fit, I'll still have an ugly face so what's the point? I'm trying to let go of that, of my ego, but I feel so ashamed to admit the frustration of feeling less then optimal due to an ugly appearance just consumes most of my waking days. Anyone else struggling with this or found some peace?
 
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chrisjr

Member
Keen to hear any techniques people have used to overcome this.

I feel the same way sometimes. I can only imagine how much worse it must be for girls - the social norms for personal appearance seem so much more stringent (and the peers much more judgemental).

There was a public demonstration of this double standard in Australia, which I found pretty funny (and a bit sad). A broadcaster on national TV was being given a hard time in the press over her choice of clothes. In solidarity, her male co-host decided to undertake an experiment - he wore the same suit on air, five days per week for an entire year. Nobody even noticed!


I'm coming to the conclusion that you have to feel good about yourself first, and this will give you the belief to take action and create the changes you desire in your life. Limiting beliefs like "I'm inferior and I always will be" are enough to paralyse anyone.


Stressball said:
I felt unpopular, ugly and inferior to everyone around me and it only got worse the older I got.

Think of some times that you felt great about yourself? What in particular made you feel great? How is that different to when you feel lousy about yourself?
 

Jessquietgirl

Well-known member
:veryangry:
Just wanted to reach other to others and see if anyone else is feeling the same way. For a long time I explored the root reason as to why I have increasingly severe social anxiety and finally accepted it was due to my appearance. When I was a young kid, I was considered cute. I'd get endless compliments over how pretty and cute I was. I know its shallow, but as I got older and hit ****rty everything changed, like 360 degrees and I felt this pain inside me. All compliments stopped and friends of my family would give me puzzled looks instead.

My mother started to become really concerned over my weight gain and when she was having bad day she'd sometimes attack my physical appearance, calling my forehead or nose too big or nitpick at how fat I was. I'd ignore it and lash out back to make her feel worse, but the words cut so deep. If I had my hair tied up she'd tell me my face looked "softer" and less harsh with it down. She'd also say I'd get a boyfriend if I wasn't fat. Of course I knew I was overweight, but eating and video games became my escape and comfort more then ever. I got a kind of high and excitement from eating especially that I got nowhere else. I felt unpopular, ugly and inferior to everyone around me and it only got worse the older I got. I'd try to escape by focusing as much of my energy as possible on my passions, especially art, and got many compliments for it, but it never got rid of the fat ugly boring person I felt inside and out.

Did you struggle the same way? These days I hate my appearance more then ever, now that I'm older and everything's starting to age and sag. I feel frustrated knowing the only way I can look attractive is through plastic surgery and living in the gym. I *know* I should exercise and eat well for my health, but the vain depressed side of me keeps saying no matter how much I exercise and get fit, I'll still have an ugly face so what's the point? I'm trying to let go of that, of my ego, but I feel so ashamed to admit the frustration of feeling less then optimal due to an ugly appearance just consumes most of my waking days. Anyone else struggling with this or found some peace?

Being severely obese was at was the reason for my extreme social phobia. People in school and even my own family criticized me heavily for being fat. This led to me having an eating disorder. Eventually, I lost the weight. Now, all of sudden I have people especially men looking at me like a diamond in the rough which is ****ing annoying because I got a lot of crap from people for looking like a fat pig. Now its the opposite. People are so ****ing shallow and narrow-minded. :thumbdown:
 
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