How to meet girls at college if you are shy?

I am shy and I don't drink... Obviously I don't like parties because of all the people in a small place and what not. I am kind of scared of talking to girls even if it is just to say hi that is so hard for me to do... What can I do in this situation.

Online dating sites work well for me, and that is what I would suggest doing. The best online dating site that I have found was eHarmony, it was a bit expensive, but in my honest opinion it had the most serious people. Serious about trying to find someone....

I don't know if I am comfortable doing an online dating site though.

Dodger said:

I don't know if I am comfortable doing an online dating site though.

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I wasn't neither, but I forced myself to and I eventually met two wonderful ladies... Unfortunately it just didn't work out between them and myself. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and get out of your comfort zone and just do it.... That is what I did. I still can't approach anyone out in public, but I can do the online dating thing... It's allot easier for me...

Not trying to get you down, but college in my experience is a pretty terrible place to meet potential dates. I've gone for over two years, and I've yet to make even a friend -- I've had a handful of acquaintances of both genders, but that's it. You'd think a bunch of youngsters all around would result in some serious socializing, but in fact the atmosphere is very apathetic and almost unfriendly. Could just be my college, though.

Maybe your experience has been/will be different, in which case discard my advice at will, but I'm just throwing this out there so that you don't get your hopes up (like I did), and don't blame yourself (like I did) if you can't find anyone. It's not you, it's the society/culture of college. (There's some cultural lag with the notion that college is a good place to meet people or make friends -- surely it was years ago, but the era of cell phones and laptops and pocket PCs is upon us, and far from uniting different people such instant communication only serves to separate strangers even further; why go through the uncomfortable notions of meeting someone new when you can just call your old high school friend?)

Some maybe-decent advice I've heard is to try out clubs and whatnot on campus to meet like-minded people, but I've always been too introverted and lazy to try this myself, so I can't speak for or against it.

I agree uni is a really unsociable place...everyone I've spoken to at mine says they just come along...so the classes and then leave. Most of their friends are from outside uni.

If you wana hook up with girls (im talking maybe not relationship stuff) i'd say just go along to the uni parties....no one notices who your with and everyone is just wasted!

Unfortunately i think uni people bond by drinking so im not sure what to suggest!

I am in a similar situation - although I am not shy, I don't have much to say. The actual restricting aspect appears to be the fact that I don't drink -at all- and cannot tolerate people who are drunk. Hence I don't go to parties.

If you are new at university and think that perhaps people will be more mature there than they were when they left high-school, you are mistaken. Rather the opposite may be true, given the circumstances - that is, being for the first time away from one's parents. That does alleviate certain boundaries of morality. At university parties, I suppose, students are wasted beyond recognition.

My suggestion: Ignore girls and everyone else around you - except your professors, perhaps. Focus on your studies - master your subjects, and dominate later. After all, knowledge is the most powerful force. Keeping a low profile socially, but being at the center of academic attention is supposedly the best way to wade through university.

If you want a girlfriend, ask yourself first - "For what purpose?". Then decide if that is worth the effort and the time you would have to invest. (Hint: Whatever the purpose, it's never worth the effort. Relationships are transient.)

your young, have fun, go to a party , meet girls see how it works one time or join like a buisness fraternity or something those guys aren't like a drinking fraternity they have small get to gethers and you can meet people. Even if your shy intelligent people understand that most of the time and can be very supportive in professional fraternities.

Do you have any guy friends who can introduce you to girls they've met or girls they know? Networking is the best way I find...It's not as intimidating when you have a friend there who can help you out when you can't think of anything to say. I'm going through the same deal...My first year of college starts on tuesday and not only do I want to make friends, but I want to meet guys too. Good luck!

PennyLane said:

I agree uni is a really unsociable place...everyone I've spoken to at mine says they just come along...so the classes and then leave. Most of their friends are from outside uni.

If you wana hook up with girls (im talking maybe not relationship stuff) i'd say just go along to the uni parties....no one notices who your with and everyone is just wasted!

Unfortunately i think uni people bond by drinking so im not sure what to suggest!

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this is a spot on description, i'm studying in the technology department which is a diploma so its not a uni course but the campus is also a university and alot of the uni students just turn up to the library and study, sometimes with headphones on, or they just do the work then go home, of course they attend lectures but again its all very solitary if that is all you are involved with.

the only suggestion i can make is to attend social "fun" days, visit the canteen and read a magazine, sit next to someone and start a conversation.

by the way nobody is above you, it may sfeel that way sometimes if you compare others to yourself. i notice people have a pretentious attitude, that is their right but it makes them unnaproachable.

in my diploma course, its classes that run all week, all day, i'm lucky that our class is so layed back that you can say anything and people will just laugh or add to the conversation. its so relaxed that its not even funny. you can just randomly blurt out anything remotely coherent and everyone will join in enthusiastically. so after a few weeks the fear of speaking became non-existant. this is very rare. its the mixture of people that has somehow made it work. the louder ones have drawn others out of their shells and now the people who were shy are even more chatty then the already chatty people.

i'm not sure i'll experience anything like this again.

all i can say is to just start talking to people randomly, its the best medicine and after two or three tries it'll give you momentum to keep at it. you'll then realise that you can be chatty and that shyness is not a one way street.

in saying that, i've had little luck with girls in this environment, i've noticed that the girls in our class pay more attention to the loudest most obviously confident guys, and actually the two girls in my class follow him around the campus like follow the leader. the reason is because he is always confident in himself and knows the content better then everyone. it makes sense that the most appealing people attract more then those that stand back or dont seem as confident. that is no reason to give up hope though. i've had other chances to make friends with girls. that's what i prefer, to make friends and then see if its possible to move into the couple zone. There is no point in mkaing eye contact or flirting and then becoming obsessed about that person with a crush based on that because you dont know their situation and you dont even know if you'll interest them or visa versa.

You are not supposed to even dream about having a girl if you don't have very good social skills.

You are not supposed to even dream about having a girl if you don't have very good social skills.

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This is more or less true.

I suppose that is right but wouldn't it feel great to have someone love you.

Read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. This book changed my life and perspective. Also, look into Real Social Dynamics... here's a little taste of how awesome they are...
YouTube - Remix Tyler Durden

best of luck

First encounter: Accidentally bump into them, "oh my god I'm so sorry."

Second time around: "Hi, I bumped into you last time! lol."

Then whatever that leads to good luck.

u don't, i guess..I for one, has given up this thing called getting a gf, forget it, I don't think I'll ever find this thing called love, its too out there, u know? too much for me to handle, so, I'll just go on w/ life, and see what happens, maybe I won't be here long enough to see anything good happen, but its ok, its called life

I was just thinking how I do know people (eg my flatmates) who do know people at uni...and I see people each lunch in groups etc and I wonder how they became friends...

I know im very quiet but literally all you do is have one hour lecture and one hour tutorial once a week with these people...then after 12 weeks of this the class completely changes again. You can't talk during the lectures...and a tut once a week isn't enough to get to know someone so im guessing it all comes from accommodation and clubs???

I admit in first year i got on really well with my flatmates....so I had loads of friends and then i met my boyfriend through them and we all used to go to the uni parties and things together...so I wasn't nervous because i always had them to talk to.

I guess this year I just haven't become friends with my flatties and thats whats changed. I can honestly say I dont know even the name of a single person at my uni....how weird is that!!!!!

The last 6 months have been so lonely and boring....its close to unbearable and I literally can't wait til I finish in 6 weeks. I have my flight booked for home 3 hours after my last tutorial hahahahah

I found college to just an extension of high school. It's the same old shit. Maybe 25 years ago it was easier to meet people in college. Not today in the age cell phones. If you aren't on already their cell phone list or connected through their circle of friends, you can forget about it.

Dodger said:

I am shy and I don't drink... Obviously I don't like parties because of all the people in a small place and what not. I am kind of scared of talking to girls even if it is just to say hi that is so hard for me to do... What can I do in this situation.

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Kudos to you for not drinking nor liking parties. I'm the same way. And honestly, I can take your question and turn it around to say "How to meet guys at college if you are shy?" The common misconception that I see on these kinds of forms is that people think it is easier for a girl to meet guys if she is shy, but wrongo! It's plenty hard, almost impossible, for me any ways. So, I feel your pain.

I don't like parties, and I have a horrible time meeting people. Most people seem to be uneasy around me anyways since I'm so shy. I'm a really nice person, but people don't seem to want to give me a chance, even if I am talking to them in class and all.

I would love to meet a nice guy that I have things in common with. Unfortunately, the only interest any guy has shown in me lately is this one guy who is freakishly into guns. I'm okay with guns, but he's like, completely obsessed with them and it makes me nervous. And even though I told him that I don't like to drink, he kept pressuring me into going out to drink with him. Plus, he's quite a few years older than me, and we don't have the same sense of humor, nor much in common.

But I never pursued him, and he never pursued me (until now). All this just happened kind of by accident, really fast. It's hard to explain, long story.

If I had it my way, I would ask out this other guy in my class that I am really interested in. He has a really good sense of humor, down to earth like me, but he's not into me or else he would ask me out. But me....ask him out? Hell no. I am way too terrified. I don't really know what to do about it either.

No guys ever take interest in me (with that one freak-accidental exception), and even if they do, they don't tell me. And I'm too scared to pursue them. So, at this rate I'll be alone forever. Especially since I hide any evidence of my personality when I am out of my comfort zone.

I am not helping here, but what to do in this situation? I don't want to say "go to a party" like some others have said here. I'd say, join a club, or join a religious community (if you are religious). I'm not a believer, so I'm out on that one. I've been thinking of joining a club though. Don't know if it will get me anywhere, but it's worth a shot.

Good luck to you.