Huge regret moving, new career, help

Zoogirl84

Active member
Hi, my name is Audra and I'm hoping someone can help me. here is my story: After high school I went to a community college for a surgical tech degree because I was too afraid to go to a "big college." 3 years later I was living in Iowa with a boyfriend I no longer loved and I hated my career. So I owned up to all, and through much hard work I changed my whole life. I went back to school and got my B.S. in Zoology because I love animals, and I just got married to a man I absolutely love back in May. The problem is....after a year of applying to zoos all across America and after 70-80 applications over a year after graduating I got offered a zookeeper job at the El Paso Zoo. My husband was willing to give up his good job and move from CO to El Paso to give me a shot at my dream job.
So we moved.
A month and a half later.... I am miserable once again. I hate the job and very much hate El Paso. I want to move back already. Of course my husband does too. He could even get a job back with his old company. So what's stopping me? The fact that I will be a complete failure once again. And my parents will prey on that. I will look like such an idiot and fool for putting everyone through this huge move just to turn around and come back.
But that's not all...this is where my social anxiety comes in. I am so damn terrified to actually quit my job...to physically tell my boss I want to quit. They put a lot of effort and money into me...they'd be pissed! Like the terrified coward I am I'd rather write a sincere note and with it place all of my company owned things on their desk and just disappear. But I feel like that's a bad thing to do. Plus I just don't know where I'd work back in Colorado. With my social anxiety I can't handle people-heavy jobs (I even tried Walmart once, ha!! I barely lasted a month). I already worked at two animal shelters, either of which I wouldn't go back to. I just can't think of anything.
I wish we had never left. I wish everything could just go back to the way it was. I miss my husbands family and friends so badly, I miss our church (can't go to church out here because of my schedule), hell I even miss the dang radio stations. I miss everything and everyone about Colorado.
I don't know what to do. Do I give up on yet another career or go back home where I know I am happy? I don't know if its just the zookeeper job at El Paso that I hate or the whole career field... I did do a 2 month zookeeper internship at the Oakland Zoo and I liked it, except for the senior keeper was a witch.
I don't know what to do. :( And BTW my husband still doesn't have a job here. I'm actually hoping we simply run out of money and have to go back to his old job. At least then I could blame that and not myself for having to go back home.
 

dottie

Well-known member
Part of me says, you should suck it up and stay there. Your husband made a HUGE sacrifice for you by moving basically anywhere you got hired. You've only been there a month and a half, things are always stressful and shaky in the beginning, give yourself time. Things never stay the same, people sometimes get transferred, policies get changed, a new hire comes in, someone "accidentally" falls into the lion den (kidding)... unexpected things like that can drastically improve the job. So, just suck it up and give it at least six months.

On the other hand, I have worked with horrible, evil people before and life is too short to keep yourself in an environment with people you don't mesh with.

Do you feel at odds with your coworkers?
or
Are you just stressed out because it is a new job?
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
I am at odds with the lead keeper. And the job isn't quite what I was expecting. And I really hate El Paso. My husband is fine with moving back home... I have kind of made up my mind that I'd rather go back home a big failure than keep being so miserable. Today is the second day of my "weekend" and I'm already freaking out about going back. The only thing keeping me here right now is being far too terrified to tell my boss I quit. :(
 

dottie

Well-known member
I am at odds with the lead keeper. And the job isn't quite what I was expecting. And I really hate El Paso. My husband is fine with moving back home... I have kind of made up my mind that I'd rather go back home a big failure than keep being so miserable. Today is the second day of my "weekend" and I'm already freaking out about going back. The only thing keeping me here right now is being far too terrified to tell my boss I quit. :(

Tell them you unexpectedly got a better offer somewhere else, which is technically true... your husband got an offer to take back his old job, you weighed the options, it is better. Don't tell her that, though. If she asks details, just say you are not at liberty to disclose more information, throw in BS about a contract. It's really none of their business. Sucks for them, but if they liked it they should have put a ring on it. What?
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
That's the problem though, with my anxiety i just can't actually tell her I quit...its just too much. I'm too terrified to screw them over like that. I'd rather just leave all my company owned things with a letter and just disappear. :( I just want to go home...
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I have done that before with a note but it was a crappy job so I didn't care.

You studied hard to get your position. If you want a reference at all and still want to be in that career you might have to find a way to leave gracefully and fight the urge to do the note thing. I know it's is so hard for people like us though. At least be glad that when your done doing a face to face you can go home to where you were happy before.
 

dottie

Well-known member
I totally understand how you feel but I agree with Molly on putting in a legit 2 week notice so you can keep them as a reference. I know your confidence is not up but you have to allow yourself to KNOW you are superior to them haha... that sounds bad, but embrace it! You have allowed yourself to convince yourself that you aren't worthy and that is just not true. Like Molly said, you worked your *** off to get to where you are and that should be recognized. Embrace it. Who cares if they invested any money in you. They didn't invest connecting with you as an employee on a personal level and that means more than any money. That is an internal weakness in their own company that they need to address. You have done no wrong. So, walk with your head high and put in your 2 week notice with class and dignity.
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
I would be far too embarrassed to keep working alongside the other girls. I just couldn't do it. They'd barage me with questions, or treat me worse. I'd feel like a bigger fool than i already do. My anxiety is just too much. I don't care about using them as a reference. My zookeeper career is over going back home. I'd rather be home and happy than stay here and rot in misery
 

Odo

Banned
My gut says tough it out however you can... but try to set something else up in the meantime.

If you can find another position in a different town, having that to look forward to will take a lot of the pressure off. You won't feel like a loser or failure if you leave this job for a better one.
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
I did just realize I don't have to quit face to face with my boss... I am technically a city employee so I could just go into city hall and quit. Probably have to go there to leave my ID badge anyway. I'd just have to try hard to survive another week at work until.my next Tues/Wed weekend.
 

R3K

Well-known member
tough it out. always push forward, no matter how hard and anxiety-inducing it is. there will be anxiety of unpredictable degree whether you quit and return to Colorado, or you stay the course you set yourself upon when you went back to college and got that B.S. so you could ultimately go further in your career field.

what if you get back to Colorado and ur parents, colleagues and friends constantly harangue you and make you feel worse than you feel now? might as well suffer the anxiety with forward motion toward career mastery. in many ways you're already an inspiration to a lot of us. you got married... like marriage, that means successful relationship (holy shit how'd you do that). and u've got a degree in college. don't stop now, maintain the course, be tough!
 
For what its worth

A lot of change in a short time....huuuge change in a very very short time. Moving house is supposed to be the most stressful thing you can do in life. So what about moving house uprooting leaving friends and family and starting a new job ? That's super super stress! Ok so two things. First you're not under any pressure or obligation, this is a probationary period in your employment and as such both parties can decide its not working out and part ways, no problem :) Nobody's gonna be mad at you. Its common for people to come and go at this stage. Its what happens.( I was a manager in my previous life) Take that pressure off yourself. There's no pressure. They're not gonna have any problems filling the position they'll have someone new in 5 mins. I think however youd be screwing yourself over by walking out at this stage. You worked hard to get here and you need to give it a fair chance. The amount of change you've experienced you're going to be feeling stressed to the eyeballs anywhere, you need a chance to settle. You deserve to give yourself a chance at this. Zoology jobs are hard to get, this is an amazing opportunity and the first while of any new job is hell. But it doee get better. You're getting through the unsettled bit, you have the better bit to look forward to. Please for yourself give it more time.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
I do agree with Joule.

Give yourself some time. You mentioned they are also giving you some training, so stick with it.

You have someone who supports you, sit down with him and talk to him. Maybe get an exit strategy.

And talk to your boss. Most bosses would like to know if someone is unhappy at work. Maybe he can make some small changes that will make your working life much better.

And no, it is not easy. But being a boss myself I can promise you good employees are scarce. And if I have chosen someone I would like to think my judgement was right, so I would try to help.

Just running away would create more problems than it will solve.
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
I know. Everyone does say to just tough it out. But what if zookeeper isn't what I want, what if I realize this isn't my dream job after all? I'd rather go home and be happy and not just lie down and cry myself to sleep every night. I'd rather have a crap job and my friends, family, and church and spend time doing things my husband and I love rather than sit at this apartment doing nothing waiting to time to go by just so I can go home. This job isn't what I expected.
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
This is my new outlook on my life and my mistakes and "failures"

Thomas Edison was working on inventing the incandescent light bulb. A newspaperman had asked Mr. Edison for an interview. The reporter asked how things were coming with the light, to which Tom replied that he had tried some 400 different filaments, and so far none had worked. The reporter said, so the light is a failure, to which Edison replied, not at all. I have proven that these 400 filaments didn't work. He looked upon the 400 filaments that didn't work, as success, as he proved they didn't work. He knew that the right filament was out there, and he enjoyed the journey of discovering what didn't work, just as much as the destination of discovering the one that did.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
and then he (Edison) stole from Tesla.....

Yes do what makes you happy. I have stuck out so many things and they were not worth the pain, personally.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Hi, my name is Audra and I'm hoping someone can help me. here is my story: After high school I went to a community college for a surgical tech degree because I was too afraid to go to a "big college." 3 years later I was living in Iowa with a boyfriend I no longer loved and I hated my career. So I owned up to all, and through much hard work I changed my whole life. I went back to school and got my B.S. in Zoology because I love animals, and I just got married to a man I absolutely love back in May. The problem is....after a year of applying to zoos all across America and after 70-80 applications over a year after graduating I got offered a zookeeper job at the El Paso Zoo. My husband was willing to give up his good job and move from CO to El Paso to give me a shot at my dream job.
So we moved.
A month and a half later.... I am miserable once again. I hate the job and very much hate El Paso. I want to move back already. Of course my husband does too. He could even get a job back with his old company. So what's stopping me? The fact that I will be a complete failure once again. And my parents will prey on that. I will look like such an idiot and fool for putting everyone through this huge move just to turn around and come back.
But that's not all...this is where my social anxiety comes in. I am so damn terrified to actually quit my job...to physically tell my boss I want to quit. They put a lot of effort and money into me...they'd be pissed! Like the terrified coward I am I'd rather write a sincere note and with it place all of my company owned things on their desk and just disappear. But I feel like that's a bad thing to do. Plus I just don't know where I'd work back in Colorado. With my social anxiety I can't handle people-heavy jobs (I even tried Walmart once, ha!! I barely lasted a month). I already worked at two animal shelters, either of which I wouldn't go back to. I just can't think of anything.
I wish we had never left. I wish everything could just go back to the way it was. I miss my husbands family and friends so badly, I miss our church (can't go to church out here because of my schedule), hell I even miss the dang radio stations. I miss everything and everyone about Colorado.
I don't know what to do. Do I give up on yet another career or go back home where I know I am happy? I don't know if its just the zookeeper job at El Paso that I hate or the whole career field... I did do a 2 month zookeeper internship at the Oakland Zoo and I liked it, except for the senior keeper was a witch.
I don't know what to do. :( And BTW my husband still doesn't have a job here. I'm actually hoping we simply run out of money and have to go back to his old job. At least then I could blame that and not myself for having to go back home.

Staying at this job is cutting off your nose to spite your face. You're only making yourself and your husband miserable. For what?...Pride.

You're so lucky to have friends back in CO and a good relationship with his family. Be happy! Forget about what your parents think and your job thinks. What matters is you and your husband.

Failure comes through trying. It didn't work out. Just be honest with yourself and him. Go and be happy. You have a happy place. I wish I had one!

Start packing! Good luck. :)
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
ImNotMyIllness - thank you! I do have such wonderful family and friends back home, I am lucky. I'm lucky I even have friends, thanks to my husband.... I'm used to not having any at all no thanks to my SA. I feel dumb for leaving all those great things behind. And who knows what the future holds. Maybe I'll try for wildlife rehabilitation instead! There are several things to do with a zoology degree. And you know, if I never get another zoo job or non-domestic animal job ever again, I think I'll be just fine. :)
Now I just have to worry about how to get out of the lease, if my husbands company will hold true to their word and give him his job back, and this most terrifying ordeal of having to quit face to face with my boss. :(
 

Zoogirl84

Active member
My husband and I told our landlord things weren't working out for us here and wanted to move out, but a replacement tenant needs to be found to take over our lease. That could take forever! I am freaking out. I don't want to work here another minute let alone another month or two! I'd rather just pay up and break our lease and get the hell out of here but I heard that hurts your credit. The company is still moving forward with me sending me to a class and getting my uniform and all, I wish I could just tell them now I want to quit so I don't waste anyone's time or resources. I'm freaking out so bad. I already have to face working with snotty, snide lead keeper the next two days.
 
Top