i feel so alone in the way i feel!

why_me

New member
I needed to find somewhere to go, where people understood me, and i'm hoping this is it. I'm 19 years old and have been suffering from social phobia/anxiety for way too long, for as long as i can remember and i have had enough. It has got to the stage where i dont have a sense of self worth, i find it hard to concentrate on anything or take things in, i dont have a favourite movie and if i was to decribe things im into i would be stuck.
i go to college but i hate going as i have no friends. I find it extremly difficult to communicate with anyone, i wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead, i get upset with myself and feel like i haven't got a life anymore. I dont know what to do, i cant help myself because i find it so easy to slump back into depression from being optimistic. I worry about everything, i moan about not being happy to my family all the time but all they say is for me to start talking to people....then thats when i realise NO ONE understands just how serious this problem is.

I feel imtimidated by all females, i feel there are so many pretty girls out there, i am extremely jealous about everything, yet i can control myself to the point i seem obsessive, but i worry way too much.
when it comes to making new friends, i get worried the person wont like me, that i have nothing to say, in fact its a visous circle for me because i want to make friends, and have a life, but its because iv no friends and i have no interests or a life worth living, that i cant strike a good conversation therfore make any friends whatsoever.

i even feel so tired all the time, that iv become so used to this feeling, i just find it comfortable sitting in my shell and keeping myself locked away from the social world, that its so hard to get out now that i feel doomed for life.I want to make friends and have a booming social life, but i also fel i cant be arsed talking to anyone and avoid it altogether...WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!!? even when i see people i know i hide to avoid confrontation...i feel such a freak

i need help i cant do this anymore, social phobia is evil and destroys your soul! does anyone understand how i feel?
 

Tanya_S

Well-known member
I understand completly how u feel, i go through most of the things u have told me. Although fighting social anxiety all by urself would be the ideal thing to do, its not always possible. Have u been diagnosed for sa? if not maybe u should consider getting that done. U study in a college so perhaps ur college has any councellors or psychologists who can help u with this? maybe u can also talk to ur parents abt it more seriously.

other than this, i dont really know what else to say. I understand what ur going through and i know its hard to handle, but u have to try and have a positive attitude toward getting well. If u can do that then u've already taken the first big step towards recovery.
 

Fefe

New member
Hi!

I logged onto this website by chance last night by looking for an answer to my own question which somebody else had actually asked and the answers were helpful.

I totally understand what you are going through. I have had friends throughout my life but that hasn't meant that I haven't very isolated at times, trapped in my own mind with so many negative emotions and bad thoughts. It can feel like you are falling deeper into this big cavernous pit where it is dark and cold, but I never hit the bottom. I had a little bubble of hope though, and you must have too as you are writing to people asking for advice. This is definitely something positive. Here are some other positives:
1. What you are going through right now will ultimately make you a stronger person and someone far more tuned into other peoples emotions - which IS a good thing
2. You WILL feel better about this I am sure, you just need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
3. Being someone who feels so deeply, you have the capacity to feel amazing. Trust me, this has happened to me in the last few years and it will be the same for you if you don't give up on yourself
4. You have reached out to other people. You can't see anyone who is writing to you but we are real people and we do care (that sounds naff! but I did feel the need to write to you because you need to know that you CAN get through this).

Do you analyse yourself all the time? It can be nackering! There may not be a way to stop yourself from thinking but you can keep trying to find logical reasons to the way people react to you or the things they say, or don't say. It sounds like you are stuck at the moment because you are afraid of people hurting you so you are withdrawing completely into yourself. I know that everyone tells you that you shouldn't withdraw but if you feel too sensitive to face things, don't beat yourself up about being down. Accept that you need to feel like that sometimes to sort things out in your head. When you start to feel abit better ease yourself into things again and enjoy the little things. That is what I have found makes me happier. Make sure that you congratulate yourself when you put yourself out there in small ways, when you smile at someone when they walk past (even if they don't smile back), when you go somewhere where you aren't that comfortable etc.

I'm not qualified to tell you what to do, I'm only basing this on the way things have been for me. You'll find that you will gain more confidence you know. Someone I met when I went travelling told me something that is so true 'why worry so much what everyone thinks of you, i don't think that much about other people', isn't that so true, we are all so focused on how everyone else percieves us.

I think I have said enough really. One day at a time.

Fefe :)
 

Tseng

Well-known member
I completely understand how you feel, in fact some parts of that seem almost like it was written by me. Especially to part about describing things i'm into, up until about two years ago I didn't have any interests as I'd spent so long prentending to like things everyone else liked so they would like me that I didn't know what I liked. Even now if someone asks me what I'm into I find it difficult to answer because in the past people always made fun of me for things that I liked. It wasn't until I left school that I began to get my own interests. I apologize for being unable to offer advice, but just remember you arn't alone and everyone on these forums knows exactly how you feel.
 

arrina

Active member
I also feel very angry i should have this problem when every one finds it so easy and i would be happy to have the problems some people complain about. most people take socialising for granted.
I was so so hoping starting out new going to uni would open new doors but the problems i have are the same where ever i go. I'm really not sure what to do I also would like a few people who appreciate me i hate feeling like people would be pefectly happy or find it easyer if I was just not there it makes the who situation much much worse.
I always feel so embarased when people ask about friends how im getting on I always avoid saying ye i havent made friends and ye dont really go out. people just dont understand how very very hard i find this social stuff and I am beging to see I have to look at it in a new light stop putting my self down I I dont make a consious decition to be unsocial not the same as robbing a bank or something like that i am trying hard not to be too hard on myself feel guilty or blame my self. I for one have been trying very hard to get more confident and out going but its a continuase struggle and Its getting harder as people seem to acept im not worth the effort.
dont know if any one else can relate to this I hope soon there will be a lot more support and agnolagement to this issue because being lonlely and unable to relate easly has got to be one of the worst and most damaging thing to ones metal heath and just no way to live. Its not that we arnt nice people we just have a more difficult problem or abvious problem to deal with every one has weekneses and problems.
 

blue

Well-known member
hello :D I find sp incredebly difficult to cope with, i have two little tots too wich means i have to cope!
im saying this because recently ive stopped talking to people and practically isolated myself....not good! the thing is i battle my emotions every day and keep going, the problem i have is that some people notice how uncomfortable particulary when im waiting to pick my daughter up from nursery! and u know the situation talking behind hands, propper playground stuff! i hope their kids are better behaved!!!
anyway thats what stops me dead when im feeling i can cope. But not one to give up im keeping going, you have to keep going!! keep giving yourselves little goals each day, everytime you think negetive or focus on your weaknesses you re feeding the phobia, the only way to get through this is to try and stay possitive and dont pannic at the end of the day no one really knows you except you, so dont listen to negetive things because you know deep down and the people who really love you know that, thats not you
so my advice is to concentrate fully on what ever your doing college or work and forget about people they dont matter! and when you start to feel better people will start coming to you.......hopefully :D
 

fudgebunny

New member
Hi why_me... yeah i get what you are saying totally, ive read a few posts on this site and its like everyone is saying what im thinking...lol, were all in the same boat and feelings are similar...... Im around the same age yeah... and with me, after being so optimistic like you said, i jus slip back in to depression, same as you i feel intimidated by female friends, and people around my own age... im thinking i cant interact as good as them, n what im saying makes me look like im socially disabled. Also i i get that jelous thing to there are so many pretty girls out there, but the weird thing is doesnt matter how pretty some1 tell mes i am, or how many compliments it doesnt boost my confidence i still soem how turn it into a negative..... its all acatch 22 really, i somehow manage to lower myself esteem, and jsut worry how imbeing percievd, i just wish i could be in social situations with out dreading every single second and freezing... any way all im trying to say is i realte to everything you are saying, completly, message bk if u wana chat :roll:
 

scatmantom

Well-known member
Ive got a little buisness card i keep in my wallet


all it says is

"if you persevere you will cope"

If i feel like shit i look at that and remember all the times ive felt bad before. I remember the achivements Ive had, I remember how how far ive come and i try to realise that wot ever im going thru is just another hurdle. There is nothing I cant do...but there are somethings that are difficult for me to do

hope that is 1% relevent. I think ive gone off on a bit of a tangent
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
I was raped at 6 by a great uncle its left deep scars, I know exactly the problems with intimacy, I have this need for love before I can have sex and really need to be made to feel special, unfortunatly my chioce of GFs over the years has not been good, being constantly cheated on and being made to feel inadequate, if you have trouble being intimate I guess they see it as neglect (as I'd never told them I was abused)

these last two years though, I've been forging ahead, I came out about my abuse, talked about it alot, I dont feel as ashamed as before, its helped me, I can hug people now when before I couldnt (even men!)

I too went for the celebate life by choice for 5 years, that ended in 2001 when I met someone, that didnt work out but I'm glad I broke the cycle :)

I guess its a matter of learning to trust again, maybe one day miss right will come along, maybe not, I'm not gonna go out of my way to find her, just being optimistic about my future as my attitude has changed for the better
 

JimmyMack

New member
You are not on your own.
I'll ask you one simple question if you had the choice would you want to get rid of your SA?

The answer is yes. So don't feel guilty. It's the guilt of not being ok that is upsetting you so much.

It's only something like 3% of people that have SA. The other 97% have no idea that it probably even exists. If they had it they would understand.

Hang in there it won't last forever.

I had some nervous times when I was younger.
I had incredible panic during exam time, the like of which I'd never felt until then. I did my exams with the only purpose of making it through the time.

A lot of the things that make you upset will get better.
All you can do is try to be as polite as possible when talking to people.
Eventually people will want you to out in there group.
You are not a freak.
People just dont know the full story. Its not their fault either.
 
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