Hi Thoughtless, i'm sorry to hear about your troubles - i know the feeling - i have been in a situation where i could barely control myself and the hatred at that 'weakness' is all consuming - and physically sickening. I don't know what to say - i didn't even know what to say to myself, all i could do was cry over it and then sleep. It is terrible to be betrayed like this, by ourselves no less - that's what i think of it as....a bertayal.
I am glad though that the title of your post isn't what we were afraid it was. Hey man are you still on your medication - have you thought about therapy at all ??