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Old 11-11-2008  
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Default I have no confidence...

...not in myself nor in the world in general. I feel like a worthless waste of space, and keep distancing myself from friends because I'm scared they'll start to see me that way too. I'm going to end up with no one who cares about me or even notices my existence, at this rate. I loathe my job and the people I work with are doing their best to make me feel like an outcast there, but my pathetic lack of self confidence prevents me sticking two fingers up and leaving to find somewhere better. I'm too scared to even dream of a better life as I feel like I'll never achieve it - how screwed up is it that even my dreams are chained up? I just want to fall asleep without the fear of waking :(
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Old 11-11-2008  
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Do you have family or true friends you can be yourself with?
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Old 11-11-2008  
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I feel that way too, there are some times in my life when your dealing with these things, I always think If I can't deal with this anymore I am going to end my life. Also, you might think of saying that's it, you snap and you have a choice to not live or not die.

When you said,

I'm too scared to even dream of a better life as I feel like I'll never achieve it

Firstly, I think you should have confidence in yourself. I know alot of people who have such a low self esteem, that's because they don't believe in thierself. How about those people at work making you feel like a outcast? Stop worrying about them making you feel bad, if you're making yourself feel bad then don't let them pick on you more, it'll make it worse.

If you want your life to get back on track, please talk to somebody who understands your life or who has experienced what your feeling now.
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Old 11-13-2008  
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Default Re: I have no confidence...

Quote:
Originally Posted by princess_haru
...not in myself nor in the world in general. I feel like a worthless waste of space, and keep distancing myself from friends because I'm scared they'll start to see me that way too. I'm going to end up with no one who cares about me or even notices my existence, at this rate. I loathe my job and the people I work with are doing their best to make me feel like an outcast there, but my pathetic lack of self confidence prevents me sticking two fingers up and leaving to find somewhere better. I'm too scared to even dream of a better life as I feel like I'll never achieve it - how screwed up is it that even my dreams are chained up? I just want to fall asleep without the fear of waking :(
I feel the same in most of what you say, but most types of a better life I know I won't ever get, so most the time it don't matter, but just to imagine me working at a factory, or at the least getting my GED(need it for a job) is to much. "I always think If I can't deal with this anymore I am going to end my life." That's one of the few that I can dream and wish it so bad, but know it's nearly impossible at the moment.

Hello, Eric. How was your day?
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Old 11-16-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Do you have family or true friends you can be yourself with?
I can be myself with my brother, but I don't like to share too much of my dark moods with him as I don't feel it's fair to him. My boyfriend can't cope with me when I'm feeling low, and gets angry with me or avoids me - although he's been depressed in the past too. He feels that depression has to have a concrete cause and doesn't understand how I can just feel miserable sometimes out of nowhere. My mum doesn't really understand - she's never been depressed and although she acknowledges it and believes it's a genuine illness, she admits that she can't imagine what it feels like. She's a very practical person and tends to feel that as long as I'm managing to pay the bills, that's the main thing. My dad suffered very badly from depression and I often wish I could talk to him about it, but he died a long time ago. There are so many conversations I wish I could have with him, not just about depression. As for friends, I'm frightened of making them miserable/boring them/scaring them away with my unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with life.

I tend to cut myself off from everyone when I'm depressed, partly because it's harder to cope with social demands when I'm low and partly because I know I'm not pleasant to be around when I'm moody, tired, unenthusiastic, short-tempered, paranoid, miserable and generally hopeless :roll: I feel it's best for everyone (including myself, as I'll have to face these people again when I eventually emerge from my black mood) to just disappear for a while. Unfortunately I still have to go to work, live with my boyfriend and attempt to keep in touch with friends, when all I want to do is pull the duvet over my head and forget the world exists for a while.

...and that's the very long answer to your short question! :wink:
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Old 11-16-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Triselle
I feel that way too, there are some times in my life when your dealing with these things, I always think If I can't deal with this anymore I am going to end my life. Also, you might think of saying that's it, you snap and you have a choice to not live or not die.

When you said,

I'm too scared to even dream of a better life as I feel like I'll never achieve it

Firstly, I think you should have confidence in yourself. I know alot of people who have such a low self esteem, that's because they don't believe in thierself. How about those people at work making you feel like a outcast? Stop worrying about them making you feel bad, if you're making yourself feel bad then don't let them pick on you more, it'll make it worse.

If you want your life to get back on track, please talk to somebody who understands your life or who has experienced what your feeling now.
Thank you for your kind words - and you're right that I should stop allowing them to make me feel bad. It's difficult though as I spend eight hours a day with them, five days a week, and that much contact with people who make you feel negative about yourself is really wearing. But as I don't admire, respect or even like most of them, why should their opinions mean anything to me? It does seem like humans are hard-wired to seek acceptance from their peers, whatever they tell themselves otherwise... *sigh*
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Old 11-16-2008  
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Default Re: I have no confidence...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ericisme
I feel the same in most of what you say, but most types of a better life I know I won't ever get, so most the time it don't matter, but just to imagine me working at a factory, or at the least getting my GED(need it for a job) is to much. "I always think If I can't deal with this anymore I am going to end my life." That's one of the few that I can dream and wish it so bad, but know it's nearly impossible at the moment.
I understand how you're feeling, and it's awful feeling trapped; feeling our dreams beat their little wings against those terrible barriers in our minds that block them in with lies about our abilities and worth. I'm sure you and I and everyone on this forum are far more capable and talented and worthwhile than we'd ever believe or give ourselves credit for. It's not always the most talented people who go the furthest in life, but the most determined. Perhaps supporting each other will go some way towards giving ourselves the confidence and determination we need.

(Me ending on a positive note? Yeah, I'm scared too... t'aint normal, I say!) :o
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Old 11-16-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princess_haru
Quote:
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Do you have family or true friends you can be yourself with?
I can be myself with my brother, but I don't like to share too much of my dark moods with him as I don't feel it's fair to him. My boyfriend can't cope with me when I'm feeling low, and gets angry with me or avoids me - although he's been depressed in the past too. He feels that depression has to have a concrete cause and doesn't understand how I can just feel miserable sometimes out of nowhere. My mum doesn't really understand - she's never been depressed and although she acknowledges it and believes it's a genuine illness, she admits that she can't imagine what it feels like. She's a very practical person and tends to feel that as long as I'm managing to pay the bills, that's the main thing. My dad suffered very badly from depression and I often wish I could talk to him about it, but he died a long time ago. There are so many conversations I wish I could have with him, not just about depression. As for friends, I'm frightened of making them miserable/boring them/scaring them away with my unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with life.

I tend to cut myself off from everyone when I'm depressed, partly because it's harder to cope with social demands when I'm low and partly because I know I'm not pleasant to be around when I'm moody, tired, unenthusiastic, short-tempered, paranoid, miserable and generally hopeless :roll: I feel it's best for everyone (including myself, as I'll have to face these people again when I eventually emerge from my black mood) to just disappear for a while. Unfortunately I still have to go to work, live with my boyfriend and attempt to keep in touch with friends, when all I want to do is pull the duvet over my head and forget the world exists for a while.

...and that's the very long answer to your short question! :wink:
I see :P

I know exactly how you feel because I have withdrawn from life altogether because of those feelings. No partner, no friends, no contact with relatives.. I can't deal with anything or anyone.. but I'm an extreme case. Don't be like me, I don't recommend it to anyone!
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