I have no idea who I should talk to

PrincessKitty

Well-known member
I need help!!

I just realised that my dad is not my real dad at all.
I looked at a photo of me and my sister and we don't look alike.

My dad told me this three times "you are not my child you f****** chink" I was to young to understand, also at that time everyone at school and home was calling me chink. So I thought that was the norm really.

Anyway I was confused because my whole dads side called me a chink and other racist comments. I even got abused for that reason. My dad was the worst out all of them, he treated my sister better than me.

After years later, well now lol. I looked at an old photo of me and my sister together. We do not look alike! I look Asian and she doesn't =.
This might sound really odd and strange...Then everything clicked in my head.

I asked my mum and she hung up on me. She rang me back and said "sorry no idea what happened there"
She just changed the conversation all together. I kept asking her and eventually she replied "he is your real dad"

Because she's a christian she's very proud and kept on telling me "I'm not a ***** or a cheater. Imagine what people would think! If they found out"
Yeah I don't get it either.

I wouldn't mind that my "real dad" isn't my biological father. I wouldn't mind at all. I did tell my mum that too.

I'm just, well I don't know how I feel at the moment to be honest.:question:
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I'm sorry if anything I say offends you, that's not my intention.

But your 'dad' sounds like a real j e r k and doesn't deserve to have you call him 'dad'.
The title of 'dad' is given to someone who loves and protects their children.

You have every right to find out if this guy is your biological father. And your mother should be more honest with you.

The racist stuff is just ... i dunno, why would your own relatives/family call you derogatory names?? It's just pathetic.
I truly feel for you. No child/person should have their father (biological or not) treat them that way, let alone their other family members.

I guess you have to decide how you feel about things, and if /what action you wish to take.
 

PrincessKitty

Well-known member
I'm sorry if anything I say offends you, that's not my intention.

But your 'dad' sounds like a real j e r k and doesn't deserve to have you call him 'dad'.
The title of 'dad' is given to someone who loves and protects their children.

You have every right to find out if this guy is your biological father. And your mother should be more honest with you.

The racist stuff is just ... i dunno, why would your own relatives/family call you derogatory names?? It's just pathetic.
I truly feel for you. No child/person should have their father (biological or not) treat them that way, let alone their other family members.

I guess you have to decide how you feel about things, and if /what action you wish to take.


Thank you.. and I haven't seen my dad since i was 16 years old or my dads side for that matter.

To be honest I have no idea where to start. Also why did my dad say "you are not my child" but my mum denied it, I'm so confused :question::question:
 

vitalis

Well-known member
Well, I guess when someone finds out about this, it may feel upset for a couple of reasons. One is because you suddenly start making the mental distinction that the parent/s (if adopted) you felt as yours is/are not genetically so, so for a while you feel confused as to your feeling towards his/her/them. But in your case, since your father treated you bad, it can be more a relief than a problem.

Then of course is the curiosity of knowing one's origins, and specifically the real parent/parents. One of my grand-grandfather was adopted, and since we had no clue about his origins we recently performed some DNA tests, and even if we couldn't find direct family, we had plenty of 3rd cousins there and could trace the places of our ancestry. If the adopted person had been much recent (not born in the XIX century but in the last years), and living in the US, where 90% of DNA tests databases are, I'm sure you could find something interesting regarding your ancestry.

Anyway, I don't think it's time to open that pandora box now, so try not to think about these things now, and just let the matter settle. I suppose it's a hard moment, but don't let it overwhelm you with negative thoughts and the like.
 

greggy

Well-known member
Honestly i can see why you have such a low opinion of yourself having a dad that would say that to his daughter! You need to forget what he thinks and know what you are a beautiful intellegent person, i once asked my dad what's your problem his reply was you you're my problem, when i think of the times when he hit me or shouted at me it just make me want to find my daughters and hold them, i cant imagin how a person can treat fragile innocent children badly
 

PrincessKitty

Well-known member
Well, I guess when someone finds out about this, it may feel upset for a couple of reasons. One is because you suddenly start making the mental distinction that the parent/s (if adopted) you felt as yours is/are not genetically so, so for a while you feel confused as to your feeling towards his/her/them. But in your case, since your father treated you bad, it can be more a relief than a problem.

Then of course is the curiosity of knowing one's origins, and specifically the real parent/parents. One of my grand-grandfather was adopted, and since we had no clue about his origins we recently performed some DNA tests, and even if we couldn't find direct family, we had plenty of 3rd cousins there and could trace the places of our ancestry. If the adopted person had been much recent (not born in the XIX century but in the last years), and living in the US, where 90% of DNA tests databases are, I'm sure you could find something interesting regarding your ancestry.

Anyway, I don't think it's time to open that pandora box now, so try not to think about these things now, and just let the matter settle. I suppose it's a hard moment, but don't let it overwhelm you with negative thoughts and the like.

To be honest there are loads! I've always been treated differently because i look foreign. On both sides they have treated my sister better than me.

Now my family is blaming me because I am asking these questions and I should stop. They are calling me a liar and I should not think about these questions.
Even my own grandma called me a liar and I should stop asking questions.

I just want to cry my eyes out
 

PrincessKitty

Well-known member
Honestly i can see why you have such a low opinion of yourself having a dad that would say that to his daughter! You need to forget what he thinks and know what you are a beautiful intellegent person, i once asked my dad what's your problem his reply was you you're my problem, when i think of the times when he hit me or shouted at me it just make me want to find my daughters and hold them, i cant imagin how a person can treat fragile innocent children badly

yeahh its understandable, even my whole dads side was racists towards me. Now I'm asking questions my family is calling me a liar and I should stop asking questions.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Maybe let it go until someone in the family is ready to talk about it. My mother was adopted and didn't find out until she was 40, she'd always suspected it of course, as she looked so different. She found out because someone in the family thought the secret had gone on far too long.

Nothing wrong with looking Eurasian anywho, my daughter is and she's so beautiful :)
 

PrincessKitty

Well-known member
Maybe let it go until someone in the family is ready to talk about it. My mother was adopted and didn't find out until she was 40, she'd always suspected it of course, as she looked so different. She found out because someone in the family thought the secret had gone on far too long.

Nothing wrong with looking Eurasian anywho, my daughter is and she's so beautiful :)

I know I'm coming across as rude. But I don't want to wait for years for them telling me.
I'm going to take it into my own hands and find out myself. There is a lot of unanswered questions that I would like to know.

I don't even look british though, I look more Asian, and I've had racist comments about that all my life.
 
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