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Old 08-24-2010
KJC
 

I don't know
KJC is offline  
Old 08-24-2010
AnxietyDave's Avatar
Newbie User
 

Hey KJC, I also used to feel exactly the same way as you do and believe me I have read a good few of your posts and you have not managed to offend me yet.

I used to always seem to be able to bring out the worst in others as they were often offended by what I had to say. I, like you could not understand why this was happening. I spent a long time thinking about what I might be doing wrong and then realized that my thoughts were simply working too fast for my brain to process what to say and before I knew it what I meant and what I was saying were worlds apart.

I however learned how to slow the whole process down and things got a whole lot better from there. I now find that I am able to hold my own in any situation without offending anybody unintentionally.

I do not know if this is the same in your situation, but it might be something to consider. Often as sufferers of this disorder we are so consumed by our own thoughts and emotions that we forget to put what we are saying through the 'social acceptability filter'.

I feel we should all be allowed to speak our minds as we see things, but unfortunately this has not been the case in a long time. I feel if everyone spoke exactly what is in their minds, at least we would all know exactly where we stand and there would not be a need to wear masks, but unfortunately modern society does not work that way and certain thoughts are best kept to oneself.

Well I hope this makes some kind of sense and can be of some help to you. All the best and remember, if you genuinely have said nothing wrong, some people are also just full of nonsense.
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Old 08-24-2010
fitftw's Avatar
Elite User
 

I've had people get literally mad at me because I refuse to talk on the phone, or on skype.

I've lost friends and girlfriends because of my inability to communicate.

It's just a fact of life for me, and I don't get upset about it anymore.
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Old 08-24-2010
LazyHermitCrab's Avatar
Elite User
 

i can't talk to people unless they're extremely friendly or i think they hate me so i try to pretend they're not there...
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Old 08-24-2010
 

I just have nothing to say to most people. What really sucks is when I do find someone I like/want to talk to, and they don't reciprocate.
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Old 08-24-2010
yumesa's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I've lost friends because I don't talk to them enough but I hate talking. My mind just blanks and I just have nothing to say, and people just ignores me.
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Old 08-24-2010
 

I alienate people too. It's really painful. Do you have any idea of what things you said caused people to dislike you?
AutonomousAutomaton is offline  
Old 08-24-2010
 

hi my name is jane elizabeth 39 yrs old and a gym instructor dont really know what the hell is happening to me am scared and confused i think i have social phobia and also avoidance issues only from this site do i now realise this it has taken me so long to find the courage to find someone to talk to about this feel like a complete twat
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Old 08-24-2010
Waybuloo's Avatar
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KJC View Post
That is the only conclusion I can come up with. Everyone ends up hating me when I talk/type, even on the internet. I am amazed at my ability to alienate everyone who comes into contact with me. It's like a superpower, only unintentional. What's worse is that everyone thinks that it is intentional or that I am a complete idiot. Is there something I can do to figure out what normal people do? I mean, at this point I'd be willing to go all the way back and study real basic stuff on conversations. This insanity of everyone hating me has to stop, or I will never overcome social phobia.
Have you actually asked anyone what they think of you? I have and the feedback was 'I could tell that you were awkward but also that you were nice'. So, compliment aside that was a bit of a bummer, but she overlooked my awkwardness. It may be that the negative and anxious vibes you give off make them feel bad about themselves, that they can't connect or reach out to you. You could explain to people off the bat that you dont' mean to come across as rude or incosiderate, you really are not. You could tell them to remind you when you are like that and joke about it like.. ' here I go again I feel the idiot itch coming, I must..not..scratch'

By the by it does help to brush up on and solidify your basic social skills. Good foundations go a long way. Are there any adult classes around your way?
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Old 08-24-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by yumesa View Post
I've lost friends because I don't talk to them enough but I hate talking. My mind just blanks and I just have nothing to say, and people just ignores me.
i used to have lots of friends now i have ignored them so badly they dont call me any more i now have noone and i am miserable but if they call i still ignore them i cant win either way it seems am at a dead end need help but seems there isnt really any from my recent experience its going to be a long dark long road just as always
Jane Elizabeth is offline  
Old 08-24-2010
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by yumesa View Post
I've lost friends because I don't talk to them enough but I hate talking. My mind just blanks and I just have nothing to say, and people just ignores me.
i used to have lots of friends now i have ignored them so badly they dont call me any more i now have noone and i am miserable but if they call i still ignore them i cant win either way it seems am at a dead end need help but seems there isnt really any from my recent experience its going to be a long dark long road just as always
Jane Elizabeth is offline  
Old 08-24-2010
madmike's Avatar
Advanced User
 

I feel exactly the same a lot of the time, but i guess after a couple of year of really pondering over the problem i've realized you have to remember that other people are human too, they also have their problems and their faults, and i think the vast majority have problems talking as well- until they manage to relax around their company.

This really helped me because i always felt inferior to others, that i lacked something that others had, but realizing this allowed me empathise with others and relax more around them. Maybe this will help you, if not keep searching and looking on this site i'm sure you'll find a way of dealing better with it too!
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Old 08-24-2010
Sial Axetder's Avatar
Amazing curves!
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane Elizabeth View Post
hi my name is jane elizabeth 39 yrs old and a gym instructor dont really know what the hell is happening to me am scared and confused i think i have social phobia and also avoidance issues only from this site do i now realise this it has taken me so long to find the courage to find someone to talk to about this feel like a complete twat
A gym instructor, you say. So you instruct, talk to people, to your clients or group? SA, possible AvPD, being forced to speak to keep employed. Over time your troubles may lessen. Or is this a recent development? Maybe not as you mention a long time.

Keep moving forward.

To answer the subject: I can talk to people but they don't get it. Or I have nothing to say. So I don't know how to talk either.
Sial Axetder is offline  
Old 08-24-2010
 

when people talk to me i can not take in anything they r saying to me i just look at them blankly my brain is in panic mode and i feel hot flushed and like i wanna run away feel trapped like a wild animal would do anything to get myself out of that situation and then feel like a complete idiot as i feel everyone knows whats going through my head
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Old 08-24-2010
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 

It is my body language that alienates people, not what I say.

And good luck with taking those first steps to recovery Jane Elizabeth.
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Old 08-25-2010
Helmaninquiel's Avatar
Advanced User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KJC View Post
That is the only conclusion I can come up with. Everyone ends up hating me when I talk/type, even on the internet. I am amazed at my ability to alienate everyone who comes into contact with me. It's like a superpower, only unintentional. What's worse is that everyone thinks that it is intentional or that I am a complete idiot. Is there something I can do to figure out what normal people do? I mean, at this point I'd be willing to go all the way back and study real basic stuff on conversations. This insanity of everyone hating me has to stop, or I will never overcome social phobia.
I feel the same way. I also get nervous talking to people not only in person but also online, because I feel like I'm going to sound like a complete idiot.
Helmaninquiel is offline  
Old 08-25-2010
doubleM's Avatar
Advanced User
 

OP i have the same problem. i cant get anyone to talk to me on the internet or real life. its hardest with women. sometimes i feel completely alone in the world
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Old 08-25-2010
dead24's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

im glad im not alone
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