nephatitus

whenever i was being bullied very strange pschotic thoughts went through my head like hurting those people very badly, just plain causing them pain. These thoughts that i was having where so strong that i was completely being absorbed in them that i could feel my heart and pulse racing and was openly smiling even in public places where these thoughts were occuring

and now im afraid that these thoughts might manifest into very bad things in real life other than what was stated previously.

thoughts/comment?

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nephatitus

the delight in hurting people is actually what gets me

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Noca

As long as you dont act on your thoughts your good to go. Impulsiveness is a bad trait to mix with anger.

dx: Dysthymia, SA, Diaphyseal Aclasis, Fibromyalgia, OCD, ADD, Agoraphobia
rx: Nortriptyline, Remeron, Zyprexa, Xanax, Dilaudid, Fentanyl

[Space + Data + Shift] = Change

http://www.criticker.com/profile/Noca

nephatitus

but i cant help it, just thinking aout it feels good

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this_portrait

It's quite common to want your enemies to suffer for what they've done to you, but not actually carry out the revenge. I used to be the same way with people who would pick on me. I'd have thoughts of beating the hell out of them and smile about it. I'd be very angry and almost to the point of violence. But I would never actually do anything, and my reason was because I didn't want to go through a school suspension.

I agree with Noca; as long as you don't act on it, I wouldn't worry too much. If you feel that you might actually act on it, then just keep yourself under control, and find someone to talk to about it.

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but true love lasts forever."
- Sarah, The Crow

Ashiene

Are they obsessive thoughts? If so, you might be suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Many of these mental disorders like OCD, SAD, Agoraphobia, are related to each other.

I was waiting for so long, for a miracle to come, everyone told me to be strong, hold on and don't shed a tear. Let the rain come down and wash away my tears; let it fill my soul and drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun. A new day has come...

CeeJay1981

If you were badly bullied then it's a perfectly natural reaction to feel anger and to want to take revenge on those people.

Anger can feel pretty good compared to apathy and depression. It can feel energising and enlivening. The problem arises if a person gets stuck there. If a person gets stuck in anger it can have a serious effect on their mental, emotional and even physical health (not to mention on those around them)

Just know that you are going in the right direction but that there are still a few more 'levels' to move through. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do but just know that this temporary feeling is not who you are.

You are clearly a good person who has just had a bit of a rough time - you said yourself "I know this is wrong but..."

I recommend finding a Human Givens therapist (do a Google search) in your area. Just go along and say "I was attacked a lot by my peers and now I feel a lot of anger toward people can you help me?" The worst case senario would be that they say no. In which case, you haven't lost anything.

Good luck

Chris

206Raider

it's normal to think about killin someone or somethin for revenge, as long as your not looking to hurt innocent people your normal. They are just thoughts

tommydog

Mate I think its a build up of frustration and anger with no outlet. It sounds like you feel helpless. Everytime they push you around you get more and more angry, but you dont fight back, dont get a win (an outlet) for yourself so it just builds inside and you lose touch with reality, lose touch with what is a proportional/rational response, and live in some kind of fantasy.

Some may suggest this is dangerous advice and it may be I dont know the nature of your bullies, but maybe you should consider if standing up for yourself, having a release, and risking the consequences is better than letting them bully you and you feeling this way in turn.

nephatitus

all of you provide valid points but last year i was with a goup of people and we were drinking and i used this opportunity to get back at the bully who happened to be in the group. /needless to say i saw this as a opportunity to get back at him ex: flipped his chair and brutally stomped on his chest and punched him in the face but i still wantedd to keep going and it took a few people in the group to restrain me. i think i should get professional help for this problem

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