I love me!

is this the worst thing to say on this forum? We are so busy beating ourselves up I feel like we all need to love ourselves for who we are instead. I might be anxious but I am also really fun and can be a great person to know. So why must we be so overly focused on the bad?

The worst people in the world think they a great people. We are a million times better than them and yet we feel so much like we deserve to be miserable and hate ourselves. Why is that? Try to love yourself faults and all for a change. You deserve it. Food for thought anyways.

MollyBeGood said:

The worst people in the world think they a great people.

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Don't imitate them.

I think that's one of the best things you can say on here. I agree, there are so many threads where people are calling themselves losers, hopeless, a waste of life, etc.. Sometimes it can be therapeutic knowing there are others experiencing difficulties and that we are not alone but that doesn't mean nobody should love themself. I, for one, welcome more positivity and am always happy to see it!

Sometimes you see these things and think they're corny but you're right about what you're saying anyway. Personally I do not understand the whole "I hate myself and I'm a loser" mentality because even though I do get down on myself and get frustrated with some of my (more neurotic) tendencies, I ultimately do actually like myself and I know that I have a lot of good traits.

Thinking about it, I have been told I am funny, fun, intelligent, silly (in a good way, although I'm sure I am in the bad way a lot too, haha), and well-spoken, as well as kind - although this depends... on a lot of things; sometimes I can be kind of harsh and I don't generally feel bad about it unless I am being cruel. I like honesty, even if it hurts sometimes.

I'd like to see others list what they like about themselves

You can actually reprogram the way you think about yourself if you repeat things like that to yourself on a daily basis, giving them more and more credibility and the bad things less and less. You only think the way you do right now because you've spent years (probably all your life) convincing yourself that you weren't worthy of love, popularity, money, peace and quiet, etc.

Yes I know, bullying happens and whatnot, but eventually it stops, and it's you who keeps feeding the negative self talk. The wolf you feed is the wolf who wins.

MollyBeGood said:

The worst people in the world think they a great people.

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That's a really good post!

Sacrament said:

You can actually reprogram the way you think about yourself if you repeat things like that to yourself on a daily basis, giving them more and more credibility and the bad things less and less. You only think the way you do right now because you've spent years (probably all your life) convincing yourself that you weren't worthy of love, popularity, money, peace and quiet, etc.

Yes I know, bullying happens and whatnot, but eventually it stops, and it's you who keeps feeding the negative self talk. The wolf you feed is the wolf who wins.

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Have using positive affirmations worked for you? If yes, how long did it take for you to start believing them? I have always given up after just a few days. The sad part is I stop because I am lazy and too pessimistic, but mostly just lazy.

Not weird at all. Once I embraced myself and all that I am, I began to understand myself more and not feel so bad about being someone with SA and all the other things. It makes life easier when I lift myself up and have a more positive attitude and perception of myself.

I like me. I think my personality has many positive characteristics, my morals are solid, and I do good work with good intentions. It's everyone else who doesn't like me, and eventually it always drags me down again because I feel (and they say) that I must be damaged, ugly, and doing wrong to deserve it. I feel like I must be leaking some kind of emotional toxin into the environment around me without realizing it.

IntheLabyrinth said:

Have using positive affirmations worked for you? If yes, how long did it take for you to start believing them? I have always given up after just a few days. The sad part is I stop because I am lazy and too pessimistic, but mostly just lazy.

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It seems silly at first, as if you're just lying to yourself, but if your attitude changes along with the way you talk to yourself, you'll start seeing the shift. Obviously, it has to happen along with putting yourself out there (going out more, taking more risks, etc). When you have the thought that you're lazy and pessimisting, also take the chance to tell yourself "no, no more lazy, no more pessimistic, I've already lost enough years of my life that I won't get back", and then start proactively doing things like organizing your room/home, vacuuming, making a list of goals for the day/week/month/year, etc. Stop only to think about what you're gonna do next, to take a breath, to snack on a piece of fruit, to do a good deed for someone else, and so on.

Argentum said:

I like me. I think my personality has many positive characteristics, my morals are solid, and I do good work with good intentions. It's everyone else who doesn't like me, and eventually it always drags me down again because I feel (and they say) that I must be damaged, ugly, and doing wrong to deserve it. I feel like I must be leaking some kind of emotional toxin into the environment around me without realizing it.

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I see this a lot on here, where a person can't understand what it is about him or her that seems to repel people. The thing is, it's extremely unlikely that the majority of the people you meet simply dislike you for no reason; that would just be silly (or that you are "leaking some kind of emotional toxin"). You may not realize what it is, but if you think about it, can you think of anything that might be the reason people would feel uncomfortable around you? I don't mean this to be negative and I don't mean you have to respond here to my post or anything, but I do think sometimes we can be unaware of certain behaviors that put people off and then we are left wondering where we are going wrong.

It doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with a person, it just means a certain behavior or set of behaviors doesn't come off well with others and needs to be corrected. For example, avoiding eye contact, staring, saying "awkward" things frequently, negativity, etc. My point is, do you think you are 100% "normative" in behavior or do you think there are some things you could identify which may be the culprit in causing negative evaluations from others? Or maybe you are just too quick to assume they dislike you and you are perceiving rejection where there is none?

Opaline said:

I see this a lot on here, where a person can't understand what it is about him or her that seems to repel people. The thing is, it's extremely unlikely that the majority of the people you meet simply dislike you for no reason; that would just be silly. You may not realize what it is, but if you think about it, can you think of anything that might be the reason people would feel uncomfortable around you? I don't mean this to be negative and I don't mean you have to respond here to my post or anything, but I do think sometimes we can be unaware of certain behaviors that put people off and then we are left wondering where we are going wrong.

It doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with a person, it just means a certain behavior or set of behaviors doesn't jive well with others and needs to be corrected. For example, avoiding eye contact, staring, saying "awkward" things frequently, negativity, etc. My point is, do you think you are 100% "normative" in behavior or do you think there are some things you could identify which may be the culprit in causing negative evaluations from others? Or maybe you are just too quick to assume they dislike you and you are perceiving rejection where there is none?

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I can't think of anything. I don't talk over people, I don't criticize offline, I don't vent about my problems, I don't want to not get close to people, I don't dislike people, I don't only talk about me, I don't bring up difficult topics like religion or politics, etc. Plenty of people do all those negative things and still have friends or at least people to spend time with, though. All I am is quiet and different.

I can get a group to work together in class. I have argued my way to an A and can be persuasive without being rude, or my instructor would have told me off instead of agreeing with me and giving me the points. I talk to classmates while waiting outside of class, and I know I didn't upset them because they'll call for me to tell me class is starting when I'm down by the drinking fountain.

I've even asked multiple people on Skype video and voice and they say there's nothing wrong with me.

But online friends hide from me after we meet in person, all my invitations are refused, and nobody tries to befriend me if I wait. I feel like I fought anxiety for nothing all those years. I just kept telling myself that someday I would be good enough to have friends after I changed this or could handle that... ignoring all the average or terrible people out there who have to do no such things.

I'm weird in that both when I self-deprecate and compliment myself it is with a hint of sarcasm. If I'm being honest I think I have room for improvement as an individual but also not pathetic or "a loser." I feel like saying "I love myself" or "I hate myself" would be a little extreme. I think I'm alright. I'd totally play a pickup game of racquetball with me on a Wednesday afternoon.

I'm good to other people.

Opaline said:

I see this a lot on here, where a person can't understand what it is about him or her that seems to repel people. The thing is, it's extremely unlikely that the majority of the people you meet simply dislike you for no reason; that would just be silly (or that you are "leaking some kind of emotional toxin"). You may not realize what it is, but if you think about it, can you think of anything that might be the reason people would feel uncomfortable around you? I don't mean this to be negative and I don't mean you have to respond here to my post or anything, but I do think sometimes we can be unaware of certain behaviors that put people off and then we are left wondering where we are going wrong.

It doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with a person, it just means a certain behavior or set of behaviors doesn't come off well with others and needs to be corrected. For example, avoiding eye contact, staring, saying "awkward" things frequently, negativity, etc. My point is, do you think you are 100% "normative" in behavior or do you think there are some things you could identify which may be the culprit in causing negative evaluations from others? Or maybe you are just too quick to assume they dislike you and you are perceiving rejection where there is none?

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I think you see a lot of that here because people with social phobia do tend to be awkward around others. It's a byproduct of our condition and it's our anxiety that causes it. The leaking "emotional toxin" is actually our nervous energy. Many of us exude a lack of confidence that is either misconstrued as aloofness or just disgusts most "normal" people. I don't think there's any magic, unknown and mysterious reason many people don't like us.

Right now, I've have things I love in my life, I love this earth, there are things I fear losing, never felt that way in the past, but I do now, as I head into my fifties and realise this could be taken away anytime.

I saw counsellor who said you can't go through what you have on your own, but I have. I don't like myself much, I am cranky, cynical, weird old man, but when I get unwell, there is a part of me that tells me to keep fighting, and try to get better. Sometimes I talk about the things I have achieved, maybe I'm trying to convince myself I am OK. The battles I have fought and won is something I am proud of.

I grew up in a Christian environment, and have this deeply embedded belief that I will be ferociously punished if I like myself. I don't think I can do it. It seems like courting with disaster.

Earthcircle said:

I grew up in a Christian environment, and have this deeply embedded belief that I will be ferociously punished if I like myself. I don't think I can do it. It seems like courting with disaster.

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Please explain this more, like you will go to hell if you love yourself?

I've been made to feel like practically everything about me is not right for so long I don't know if I can ever truly love myself.

On a positive note, I do have nice fingernails, though. Hey, it's something. *shrugs*