HeadFace
Well-known member
Even my only family that I live with doesnt want to bring me places. And my friend who I thought was my best friend never tells me about her plans. Even my ex never wanted me with her. Or my other ex.
Really. I talk to my best friend a load. Occasionally over the phone or webcam. most of the time over AIM or texting though (like 80% of the time). So I'm confused. Is she emberassed to be seen with me? I thought she was my best friend.
The more I think about it the more I want to go cut myself and just sleep for the rest of my life. Even though people say they enjoy talking to me or being with me, they never prove it. Thinking about it just enrages me. Really. I was in class and thinkin about it. Just to prevent myself from snapping right there in the middle of class, I had to go to the "restroom" just so I could spill everything out.
And talking about it makes me want to cry (I can feel my eyes getting puffy just thinking about it. Even now my eyes are starting to get puffy, and my throat has that "oh dont cry please please" feeling). I've never felt wanted in my life. And I feel awkward talking about hanging out with anyone because I'm the one who never gets invited. And when I hear about it when someone tells me my friend went out with friends out hung out, I just feel like **** and so many questions pop into my head;
"Am I really wanted?"
"Who do they think they are?"
"Why didn't she invite me?!"
"Am I that ridiculous?"
"Am I that boring?"
"Would it matter if I just killed myself right here and now?"
"It's not like I'll be missed. No one wants to spend time with me"
I am not the over-sensitive type who freaks out over small things... But this is just getting ridiculous, and VERY VERY noticeable. And before telling me to ask HER instead:
I HAVE been asking.
whenever I bring up the idea she tells me either:
She can't because of other plans with more important people then someone like me (well... She doesnt say it like that. But she just has other plans with other people)
She can't because of some family stuff
She can't because her mom isn't going to let her (she doesnt even try. **** it.)
or
when she actually can
She says she can only stay for an extremely limited time (usually 20 to 40 minutes)
Really. I talk to my best friend a load. Occasionally over the phone or webcam. most of the time over AIM or texting though (like 80% of the time). So I'm confused. Is she emberassed to be seen with me? I thought she was my best friend.
The more I think about it the more I want to go cut myself and just sleep for the rest of my life. Even though people say they enjoy talking to me or being with me, they never prove it. Thinking about it just enrages me. Really. I was in class and thinkin about it. Just to prevent myself from snapping right there in the middle of class, I had to go to the "restroom" just so I could spill everything out.
And talking about it makes me want to cry (I can feel my eyes getting puffy just thinking about it. Even now my eyes are starting to get puffy, and my throat has that "oh dont cry please please" feeling). I've never felt wanted in my life. And I feel awkward talking about hanging out with anyone because I'm the one who never gets invited. And when I hear about it when someone tells me my friend went out with friends out hung out, I just feel like **** and so many questions pop into my head;
"Am I really wanted?"
"Who do they think they are?"
"Why didn't she invite me?!"
"Am I that ridiculous?"
"Am I that boring?"
"Would it matter if I just killed myself right here and now?"
"It's not like I'll be missed. No one wants to spend time with me"
I am not the over-sensitive type who freaks out over small things... But this is just getting ridiculous, and VERY VERY noticeable. And before telling me to ask HER instead:
I HAVE been asking.
whenever I bring up the idea she tells me either:
She can't because of other plans with more important people then someone like me (well... She doesnt say it like that. But she just has other plans with other people)
She can't because of some family stuff
She can't because her mom isn't going to let her (she doesnt even try. **** it.)
or
when she actually can
She says she can only stay for an extremely limited time (usually 20 to 40 minutes)
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