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Old 03-02-2011  
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HeadFace's Avatar

Default I never get invited ANYWHERE.

Even my only family that I live with doesnt want to bring me places. And my friend who I thought was my best friend never tells me about her plans. Even my ex never wanted me with her. Or my other ex.
Really. I talk to my best friend a load. Occasionally over the phone or webcam. most of the time over AIM or texting though (like 80% of the time). So I'm confused. Is she emberassed to be seen with me? I thought she was my best friend.

The more I think about it the more I want to go cut myself and just sleep for the rest of my life. Even though people say they enjoy talking to me or being with me, they never prove it. Thinking about it just enrages me. Really. I was in class and thinkin about it. Just to prevent myself from snapping right there in the middle of class, I had to go to the "restroom" just so I could spill everything out.

And talking about it makes me want to cry (I can feel my eyes getting puffy just thinking about it. Even now my eyes are starting to get puffy, and my throat has that "oh dont cry please please" feeling). I've never felt wanted in my life. And I feel awkward talking about hanging out with anyone because I'm the one who never gets invited. And when I hear about it when someone tells me my friend went out with friends out hung out, I just feel like **** and so many questions pop into my head;
"Am I really wanted?"
"Who do they think they are?"
"Why didn't she invite me?!"
"Am I that ridiculous?"
"Am I that boring?"
"Would it matter if I just killed myself right here and now?"
"It's not like I'll be missed. No one wants to spend time with me"

I am not the over-sensitive type who freaks out over small things... But this is just getting ridiculous, and VERY VERY noticeable. And before telling me to ask HER instead:
I HAVE been asking.
whenever I bring up the idea she tells me either:
She can't because of other plans with more important people then someone like me (well... She doesnt say it like that. But she just has other plans with other people)
She can't because of some family stuff
She can't because her mom isn't going to let her (she doesnt even try. **** it.)
when she actually can
She says she can only stay for an extremely limited time (usually 20 to 40 minutes)

Last edited by HeadFace; 03-02-2011 at 06:02 AM..
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

And just to add on because why the hell not, you guys could probably help.
All day I've been thinking about just staying away from her. I'm so...I just don't want to see her ever again. Ever. Not SOLELY because of what I explained in the above post. But because she isn't meeting me halfway. Not even a quarter of an inch to halfway.
Hell, I'm actually convinced that she's just using my to make herself feel better.

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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

It's hard for me to say, not knowing more about your friend... is she the type to possibly be shy or anything? Because - there was a time when I did that - what she's done to you, based on what you've said only with other of my friends in the past, making excuses similar and avoiding. And since 80% of your talks are via text/AIM and rest phone/Webcam... (I had no trouble doing text/etc.).

IF NOT - you should tell her (sounds like you did already?) how you feel. Share that. Take a break then otherwise from her. That's helped me before.

AS FOR EVERYTHING ELSE - those thoughts of feeling wanted/etc... many here have pondered those exact questions you ask. It can really hurt. Sometimes our fears and energies can contribute and be projected. But I feel ya I ask those same questions still...

"You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down."---Mary Pickford.

"Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain." ---R.W Emerson

"I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky! Like a LEMUR defying the laws of gravity."---Queen
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

Welcome to my world, exactly the same happens to me. I chose to cut ties with a girl due to something similar, sometimes it is easier to do this rather than having to deal with inner demons.

I still haven't worked out how others get invited to things and I don't. My last invite was Monday night, but prior to that I can barely even remember the last time I was invited to anything.
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

I know that feeling of not being wanted, of being alienated and cast away. And yes, it does feel like crap. But I do think you just haven't found the right people to make friends with yet.

You'll find someone who will actually appreciate you and would love to take you out. That I am sure of. Sometimes you just gotta stick around and look hard for those people. Don't blame yourself; it's not always your fault. I believe it's a compatibility thing. Sometimes you may not be compatible with most of the people in your class or environment. But that doesn't mean you're the most boring person and that nobody in the world would want to be friends with you.

As for your (ex?) best friend, if you're absolutely sure she's avoiding you, then there's no use pushing it. It sounds like you're not very happy with her anyway, so breaking it off would probably be the next best option. The best would be talking it out with her.
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

I know exactly how you feel, not getting invited anywhere. I've rejected my friends' invites to places so many times, I don't even get invited much anymore. And I guess I can't blame them. I can't even bring myself to go out and have a good time with them cuz of this stupid anxiety.

As far as your friend goes, sorry to hear she's avoiding you. Maybe take some space and see what happens? Or just be straight up about how you feel. I would take the former, just because it's an easy way out. But maybe honesty would be a really good option here...

Originally Posted by coyote View Post
Originally Posted by superfluouslyme View Post
Some people just have sticks up their asses.
and some have eels
"Don't be pushed by your problems, be lead by your dreams." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~ Carl Bard

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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

People grow apart, particulary at your age, and particularly when you do not spend time in each other's company. Perhaps she doesn't invite you anywhere because of your SA. Or maybe she is forming stronger bonds with people she meets up with. The possibilities are endless, but I doubt it's anything to do with you being "not right". I did the same thing as your friend once because of my SAD, and the fact that we were moving in two different directions. It was too much of a strain for me to maintain that friendship. There are two sides to every story.
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

Don't worry, you are not the only one going through this..... I felt worthless and lonely before and I still do sometimes. Basically, I used to have 2 best friends,X and Y (now both are classmates at hs)....X is still my friend, while my friendship with Y has gone cold because he talked (and still does) about me behind my back. It all started with him not calling me to come outside, just because I was bullied and couldn't stand for myself and he was influenced by others......I was f*king angry and confused at first, but now it doesn't bother me so much , because it's clear he is doing these things( he gossips, has a goofy superficial attitude) to boost his own confidence....
As for X he still invites me to places , but unfortunately he too does talk me behind my back....I mean there are moments when i get along great with him, and others when he`s sort of ignoring me as if I'm boring him......well, i guess he doesn't put much value on friendship and all that stuff..
So yeah mate, I kinda now the feelings you're going through... My advice for you: if she`s your only friends think twice before breaking off the friendship... You may feel good at first, but then the loneliness will haunt so think in the longterm when you're making a decision...
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

I've had friends who were all TAKE and no GIVE to the friendship.
The kinds of friends who would call me to talk my ear off about how 'horrible their boyfriend is' and that their day was horrible-- once they were done talking, they would say bye and hang up the phone.
I'm not the type to say 'burn bridges'- cut them loose and leave; but sometimes it's just better to back off and find a new friend who appreciates you more.
Good friends are hard to come by- I know that.

It's crappy that you never get invited anywhere...
I know how you feel, though. All through school, I was not invited to a single party - I showed up at one because my boyfriend just happened to be going to it and I asked if I could go too. (then I realized how disgusted I am by drunk teenagers and decided that parties were *not* for me anyways.)
I was never invited to a birthday party before; other than my own sister's.
It's hurtful and ridiculous because it seems that every person and their grandma are involved in things when you aren't!
I still get frustrated with it even though I couldn't leave my room even if I was invited anywhere these days.

I don't really know what else to say~
Have you planned many outings on your own? I know it's kinda lame, but sometimes going out and inviting people to go with you can give people a reason to invite you along with *them* the next time they do something.
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Old 03-02-2011  
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Default Re: I never get invited ANYWHERE.

I can relate to you since i had the same problem with an ex friend. the only time we went out was because she really wanted to go somewhere and i was the only person available. As far as staying away goes, don't block her or avoid her, i tried that you will eventually go back to her. The best way to deal with this is to confront her, say exactly what you feel to her and tell her if things don't change I can't no longer see why we should be friend
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