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Old 12-05-2011
 

Every relationship ive had! At some point i completely shut down,Push them away, and treat them like complete **** and also act like i dont give 2 ****s about them!
Becasue of this ive lost every friend ive ever had. I'm not close with any of my family and have lost every relationship ive had.

I'm only now realizing im the problem! I'm the ****ed up one that no one wants to be around.

Can someone please help me? Am i the only one like this?
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Old 12-05-2011
JCVA's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Nope. I felt the same way when I was in high school. Went from friends to just common associates. Big mistake for me then.
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Old 12-05-2011
Sora's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I donno what to say, feel like I need more info. What happens usually, how does it start in the relationship then suddenly go to this or is it gradually? what happens in your mind throughout this period of getting to know someone?
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Old 12-05-2011
Eristelle's Avatar
Advanced User
 

I know exactly what you're going through... Everything you've just said, i've also done, and I'm still doing it... To family, relationships, and friends. I'm not sure how to help, but I do know what you're going through. I'm sorry. :( its horrible.
Eristelle is offline  
Old 12-06-2011
 

No, you're not the only one. I've pushed away just about everyone that meant something to me, and now I'm terrified of getting close to anyone.
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Old 12-06-2011
Nanita's Avatar
Elite User
 

I do this to some people when I realize that I donīt have enough in common with them. I have "broken up" with a couple of friends because I was feeling annoyed and bored with their company. Iīd rather be alone than faking it and being annoyed.
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Old 12-06-2011
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by OoO JellyBean OoO View Post
Every relationship ive had! At some point i completely shut down,Push them away, and treat them like complete **** and also act like i dont give 2 ****s about them!
Becasue of this ive lost every friend ive ever had. I'm not close with any of my family and have lost every relationship ive had.

I'm only now realizing im the problem! I'm the ****ed up one that no one wants to be around.

Can someone please help me? Am i the only one like this?
Yep, I do this too. At the first sign or feeling that someone may be drifting away from me, I push them away with as much force as I can. It has taken a lot of self awareness and conscious effort to stop doing that. Congratulations, you are on the right path.
Silatuyok is offline  
Old 12-06-2011
Moa
Moa's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Same here. I always would find a reason why I didn't want to be around someone, even if it was the most superficial of things. It's just in the past few months that I came to realize that, and I'm getting to be more accepting.
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Old 12-06-2011
dottie's Avatar
Elite User
 

are you me
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Old 12-06-2011
 

Your afraid. No answer that coud make you feel better.Your locked in. It's the basic flight or fight response. Do what you feel (the easy response) or do the thing you fear.
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Old 12-06-2011
Flowers-Of-Bloom's Avatar
Expert User
 

You're not alone, I have the exact same problem and I've lost all of my friends because of it. And now if someone starts getting too close to me (anything beyond being an acquaintance) I get rid of them too. The worst thing is that they think they must've done something wrong, but it's not their fault; it's mine. I feel too vulnerable and I don't trust them at all, so I push them away.
I think it stems from some serious trust issues and an overwhelming fear of being hurt.
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Old 12-06-2011
MtBikeDude's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I'm new here but thought I would chime in. I do the exact same thing and I'm not sure why. I think it has to do with me thinking they don't actually like me or maybe that they think I'm a joke.

I have noticed that it's easier to see Im doing it the older I get. I have a big problem with randomly appearing like I don't care or like I'm uninterested in what someone close to me is talking about, for example. I KNOW when I'm doing it but I can't seem to stop it.

I realize what I'm saying isn't much help but at least I wanted you to know that you're not alone.

We'll figure this out.
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Old 12-06-2011
Aletheia's Avatar
Elite User
 

^ Hey welcome to SPW, MtBikeDude. (Mountain biking, awesome.)

It took me a while to figure this out, but as the years rolled by, and it became a pattern for me to break up with my boyfriend about 18 months in, I had to start asking myself what the common factor in these breakups was, and of course it was me.

I think it's because I find it so exhausting trying to be what I think he wants me to be, that the stress and weariness become this huge weight bearing me down, and I crumble.

(True also of platonic friendships, if to a lesser extent.)
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Old 12-06-2011
Ms Cloud's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flowers-Of-Bloom View Post
overwhelming fear of being hurt.
And the certainty that it will happen.
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Old 12-06-2011
this_portrait's Avatar
Elite User
 

I have pushed people away, too, even though I wasn't even trying to. My behavior is what tends to do it.
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Old 12-06-2011
 

WTF. Sounds like me. I decided a long time ago that having friends and all is a waste of time. I am hostile from the beginning when I meet someone new. And continue that. It has damaged my life in more ways I can count. I'm trying to stop it, but it's very hard to do. Very hard! Anyway, long story short, I know what it is. Trust me! lol
Anyway, didn't mean to rant or take over your thread.
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Old 12-06-2011
polishgirl's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

But why do you push them away? You are too scared to be pushed away by them? And therefore you end the relationship earlier so you can't be hurt. I think that's just your self-defense. What you have to learn is not to be scared of being close.

I had and actually still have this problem. But not with friends and family. Relationships. Big issue for me.
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Old 12-06-2011
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aletheia View Post

I think it's because I find it so exhausting trying to be what I think he wants me to be, that the stress and weariness become this huge weight bearing me down, and I crumble.
I have a tendency to do that too. I've had to learn to be a little bit selfish in a relationship, for the sake of the relationship itself.
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