I think I know why am I depressed...maybe

I hardly have friends. Even if I do, they are not remotely close to me and also, they are all busy with their lives, working full-time and studying to even bother about me. What's more they have other friends to tend to, and why would they pick me?

Anyways, I've ended high school on a bad note and couldn't even enter into a local school,and during my time there, I got abused by teachers and classmates alike, sneering at me even though they are no better.

Not surprisingly ..I went into depression for a year plus before meeting an online friend who introduced me a job. I worked there for a year, getting yelled at for my incompetency and finally left that job and went looking for another similar office setting but did really badly and was asked to leave before my probation is up.

After that I venture into retail and was also asked to leave until I found a course that I wanted online but was expensive and couldn't afford at that point of time. I called up my mum and aunt during late at night to ask for help. They both rejected and say to go earn it myself and promptly hang up my phone.

Well, I was left hanging and finally decided to go look for part-time retail work. I did found one and find that it wasn't earning enough so I decided to look for another one.

It was hell holding on to those jobs and earning pittance while getting scolded publicly for being incompetent before I finally quit after 5 mths of each and decided to ask my dad to pay the rest.

Finally the fees is being paid fully and now im graduating soon from the course and going to enter into another course soon (promised to be sponsored fully by my dad) and now im still working part-time at retail and still being so incompetent (talking is not my greatest asset and ironically all the jobs I held are customer service jobs)

No wonder i'm so bloody depressed and think life sucks and what's more my course has no value and it's just a stepping stone to a local diploma or otherwise.

What the hell, why does life sucks so much and I do not have any friends to share with or consult me or hold my hands and say 'here's the right path' and my dad keeps stressing me out by saying I could potentially take over paying the house bills.

I feel like **** really and ready to throw everything out and say 'heck it...i'm going to the nuthouse and stare at the walls till the day I pass out'

what makes you keep saying you're icompetent. you need to stop that.
But i've said a few of the things you say here to myself. like your dad wanting you to "...potentially take over paying the house bills." and your still really young and want a future. well at least you are tryin to go to school. yeah it's like your parent must not expect you to become fully independent. when your fresh outta school the main things you want are a car and to live on your own and you gotta work to get that. the main thing i'd tell you is to STAY IN SCHOOL cause if you don't it makes where u wanna be even harder to reach. Make sure you are going to school for the right reasons. Not because your trying to keep up with somebody or impress somebody. You have your own future to be responsible for financially. Emotionally you have to get to a point where you block stupid things people say and do during your day. Don't let someone else force their bad day on you. People sometimes act like *******s because they too may be stressed, selfish, arrogant etc. and they need to feel inferior and will choose a non- threatening person who won't come back at them. they shut you down now you're feeling hopeless and they walk way feeling victorious. don't give them the satisfaction. Apologize for your honest mistakes but do let them know that you do have a brain in your head. If when something at work goes wrong and people are treating you differently than they would treat someone else, then something is wrong and you can't go through your whole life like that. The importance of communication never just goes away.
You may have to teach yourself to be more comfortable around different types of people. In a new setting friends can sometimes get in the way causing a change in your behavior.When you have free time try to get out the house. Go somewhere alone at time of day when its not busy. Most of the time when i go somewhere with friends or family i come home broke or unsatisfied with my off day because i was irritated with their selfish behavior. see what else your city has to offer. Downtown area during the work week for me was the most exciting as i did not likebeing in one spot around crowds. Everyone you see has somewhere to be exept you. The shops are not crowded during work/ school hours. Food court crowds are thin. If you are hungry and afraid to eat by yourself its ok because so many other people there have no choice because their working. (i know a few people who won't eat alone even if their starving) Give yourself a reason to go back to an area you love. Put something in the cleaners, get something fixed etc. Ask a stranger a question maybe someone who looks to be having a free day too. Old people often don't have anybody at home to talk to and they have no problem talking to anyone.(These people know stuff and have seen stuff.) And remember when you see a person for the first time, don't advertise your issues to them by giving the wrong facial expression or body language. Be who you really are inside. After you start enjoyng life for who you are trust me your friends will be jealous.

'...i'm going to the nuthouse and stare at the walls till the day I pass out' - i love that line I'VE BEEN THERE
sorry for the long post

why does it say he is a gust?
can guests post?