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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Well, I looked up the symptoms:

* Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
* Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
* Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
* Requires excessive admiration
* Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
* Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
* Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
* Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
* Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.


I have to say. I see myself in that. But I'm still confused. I do want attention, but it's more of a cry for help. I'm desperate for help. But I thought. What would I do after I get help? I only care about myself! This is a sad realization. It's not that I don't care about others. I do. But it really is hard to empathize.
In public, I only care what I look like. Everyone else looks fine. I just want people to see ME. Be my friend.
And I used to try to hide the fact that I'm agoraphobic, and I'd pretend to be someone I'm not so people will like me. But maybe now I know why. No one wants to be around me because I'm a freaking narcissist!

This is really bugging me now.
Wow. I can't believe this is just coming to me. Here I've been trying to blame others, trying to find out what's wrong with me.
And even as a child, I enjoyed torturing creatures and burning things. Only recently (well the last few years) have I gotten over that and I would never hurt any animal now. I absolutely love nature.
But in the end, I've realized. Everything I post is about me! It has to be me.
Well, I just want to apologize to anyone and everyone who may have read something from me where they thought I was a jack ***.
Damnit. This is so strange for me because I've always had a hatred for douchebags. I wonder why they can't be more caring. And here I am the whole time being one!
This just doesn't make sense. This isn't me. I know I'm caring, but at the same time my stature matters. The way others perceive me matters.
Damnit.

How can I get help for this?
I feel like who I am is being hijacked by narcissism.
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I love your last sentence and your signature quote.

You are who you are. There's a reason you are the way you are. Embrace it. Things could be worse, I assure you. The sooner you embrace that that's just the way it is and you're going to be that way, things will be better for you and everybody. If you love yourself more than everyone, you really don't need the love of others.

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"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness in other people"
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Yeah I guess you're right.
It's just that I'll always need the attention of others.
I think my upbringing had a lot to do with this. My mother the only one raising me, babying me (still to this day), never teaching me how to do anything. But then again, I guess I can't blame anyone else.

Yeah I've thought about it actually. If I had money, I could be contempt with living the rest of my life alone with my video games and internet. I'd still want someone to share my pain with, but I'll just get a cat or parrot.
Man I'm messed up.
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

you're not messed up. I'm going to be the same way, except with a hedgehog for a companion.

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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Maybe search for a forum more suited to your needs, we have had a few members with this disorder and histrionic personality disorder which is similar, maybe ask on other forums about these traits. Have you been diagnosed with this or is it just a hunch
?

‘Nietzsche says there are two kinds of people in the world. People who are destined for greatness, like Walt Disney and Hitler and then there’s the rest of us. He called us, ‘the bungled and the botched.’ We get teased we sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We’re the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin and get gunned down in Dairy Queens.’ The Fisher King
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It's a very strong feeling.
I've been diagnosed with agoraphobia. I'm going to talk to my doc about it next appointment. Maybe send in this post since it's hard for me to talk.
Yeah, I posted here first because I have friends here (well, not really, but I like to think of them as such), but I did find another forum to post on. Never heard of histrionic. I'll have to look that up too!
Also, I'm not sure how compassionate a hedgehog would be. I need a pet that will love me back
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

hedgehogs can love. I would get enough joy just watching it.

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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

"HPD: These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious."

I feel I have a lot of criteria with this as well, but it says this happens mostly in women. Also, I'm anything but lively and dramatic and enthusiastic. I'm shy, timid, self loathing. However, I do love to flirt with the womenz. If I can ever muster up any kind of self confidence, I like to play the lame immature role. It didn't work for Beavis and Butt-Head, so I don't know why I think it would work for me, but hey what can I say, I love those guys.
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

It's not as bad as you think, it's just a personality quality. Then again my bf is a narcissistic (he has been brought up similarly to you strangely and sound a bit like you actually - you're not him are you? jk), sometimes he would make strange remark talking about how great he is... When really he's not... It's funny though, which is why I like him lol.
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Old 07-31-2010  
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Default Re: I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by ありがとう View Post
It's not as bad as you think, it's just a personality quality. Then again my bf is a narcissistic (he has been brought up similarly to you strangely and sound a bit like you actually - you're not him are you? jk), sometimes he would make strange remark talking about how great he is... When really he's not... It's funny though, which is why I like him lol.
Yes. See I need to find a girl like you. Who understands!
Uh oh. There's my flirtatious behaviour kicking in. Damnit.
But if I say I'm great, I'm obviously making a joke about myself.
I think I'm a pathetic loser. But I try to use that as a positive thing. I don't want pity, but I want someone to help me. Which just makes me all that more pathetic!
No really. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I really am the greatest person. I do know 1+2=7. So at least I know I'm pretty smart.
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