I want to die but dont want to kill myself

I wouldnt say no if God came and asked me if i wanted to join him,sorry here for the non-positive post.i try to keep my posts positive in the hope that i can fool myself into thinking iam ok.


I realy want to die but i dont think i could ever take my own life.Maybe if i died naturaly then the few people around me woudnt feel guilty saying things like "how did we not notice" I feel realy bad, everynight i dread going to bed as that is the worst for me.Its 22.45 just now and heres another day been and gone and ive done nothing with it to help change myself.To think that my life will go on like this is sore and it hurts emotionaly and physicaly that i feel sick.I just want somting to change but i dont realy know what that "something" is.

Today i was out for one of my long drives in the country again and i almost had the urge to just throw my car of the road,all it would take it a quick flick of the wrist and that would be it all done.But then i think of the people who would have to find my mangled body and then someone (familay ) would have to identify me and i coudnt put anyone thru that.

I go for a country drive most nights now,its my only get away.I now call it my suicide run,i have a point that is 25 miles away from my house that i reach and then i head back home as quick as possible over taking everything on the road that i can,ive had a quite a few near misses and it is this that makes me feel alive.It just wakens me up and i feel some life back in me agian.

this is another one of my posts with no real point,just sometimes i need to write about stuff.

i understand how u feel. i used to be much the same and my thoughts of doing that went it a bit too far once or twice. ive come out of a severe depression and am trying to look for anything slightly positive in life to keep me going. iv still got bad sa but having less depression makes me cope with it better. ive just been dumped from a 3year relationship over my sa and related issues, but i just think sod it now, a couple of months ago it would have tipped me over the edge! . tell you whats helped me a lot and that hypnotherapy, just started goin but its helping... after 5 years of being like this im very slowly getting a bit better! there is hope.

please dont do anything silly, i hope 1 day u can look back and be greatful u didnt.. and bare in mind if you do end up crashing
when rushing on your way back.. u may take others out with you.

xx

Dear scottish player i hope this doesnt sound weird especially since i havent ever sent u any posts but i feel like u too. i sometimes wish i could just stop what im doing and say "thats it. I give up. i've failed but i dont want to be here anymore. please let me go away quietly." but then something good happens like a work colleague laughs at one of my jokes ( while ignoring have the other things i've said that day) and i feel better, like i belong. it's a crap life buts its better than killing myself cause there's always the chance i'll get better. i still feel shit most of the time and i look at other people and wonder how they have friends ( i have my bf and one friend, pretty sad)! I think maybe a hobbie will occupy us?? but i never seem to be able to motivate myself long enough. sorry if this message is self-obsessed i wanted to help u and give advice. hope u feel better. :roll:

Shit I have so been there...

I've done the crazy driving thing too, Scottish_Player. I understand completely when you say it makes you feel alive; it's the thrill of 'cheating death' and knowing that if you push a little too hard you're history. It's a mad rush. I did push too hard once and lost control of the car and broad-slided (broad-slid?) around a corner on a wet road... I panicked and overcompensated coming out of it and spun the car around... wound up in a ditch on the side of the road facing back the way I'd come, heart pounding, adrenalin coursing -- yeah, it wakes you up! (I putted home after that; one scare per night is good enough for me... I'm such a pussy lol).

I know what you mean when you talk about the 'flick of the wrist' and it's all over, too. My thing is poles -- thick ones like the support for overpasses. I think to myself if I just floored it straight into one then it'd be over pretty quick. I get really strong impulses to do it, but I never do... I guess I'm just afraid to die. And I always think about how much of a waste it would be to die, because I know I'm really miserable, but theres still SO much stuff I want to do and death is so fucking final...

ugh, there's that limbo

I guess if I wasn't afraid to die, then the whole crazy driving thing would have no meaning in the first place; I only do it because I get a rush from being scared of dying, if you follow me.

So yeah, I think I know what you mean... your post wasn't pointless at all, hey. I think for every 'pointless' thought we have, someone else has probably had it as well somewhere along the line; it's good to share stuff sometimes.

hey Scottish_Player...keep your car tween the ditches ...we would miss you

Scottishplyr, I really don't wanna say it but "you need help". These thoughts of yours aren't normal. No one should think about harming themselves like you do. It's just not healthy. Hope you get better.

AnnaMaria said:

Scottishplyr, I really don't wanna say it but "you need help". These thoughts of yours aren't normal. No one should think about harming themselves like you do. It's just not healthy. Hope you get better.

Click to expand...

We all need help here.

I think about dying everyday.

I wake up most every morning and thimk of a reason not to.My mind comes back to my children.I have a 7 year old daughter and 2 step children 12 yo boy 10 yo girl.My wifes job dont pay that well so I feel they rely on me for atleast finantal support.Try to find something to keep you busy in life. look at it this way ...... things can only get better!!!! good luck.

I can relate, I attempted similar brushes up until a couple months ago (decided to take a break from it). Given the circumstances, I think we are less reserved in attempting dangerous acts, sometimes for a certain reason, sometimes not.

Wow ,thanks for all the replies i wasnt expecting that many if any at all.

Dont have too much to say just now but thanks for reading.

i kind of have those same feelings too, where i would in some way get some peace from dying cause sometimes the stress and anxiety from daily living, the simple things most other people deal with quite easily....those things cause me much pain...and worrying...but i wouldn't have the guts to actually take my own life, but i know what you mean, Scottish, about not fighting it, if it happenned....i hope that made sense :roll:

maggie said:

but i wouldn't have the guts to actually take my own life,

Click to expand...

thats exactly it for me maggie,as much as i dont want to be here i dont think i could go ahead with doing it myself,maybe thats a good thing in a way.

All i truley want is something or someone to live for,having no purpose each morning when i get up soon becomes sole destroying,another thing i hate is when people say "it will soon get better" of course it will but what they forget to mention is that it will soon get worse again also :roll:

Scottish_Player said:

thing i hate is when people say "it will soon get better" of course it will but what they forget to mention is that it will soon get worse again also :roll:

Click to expand...

Very true. =)

i always think about death almost everyday. i get so fed up that i just start to wonder whats after this? dying doesnt seem so bad to me but i wouldnt want to take my own life.

Worrydoll, no need to apologise at all... that's a very real concern, and you're certainly not being callous raising it.

I try to keep as far away from heavily trafficked roads as possible when I go driving. I'd never drive this way on city streets, for example, because like you say it's just far too dangerous; there's also the chance of getting a ticket as well, which is a further deterrent; and country roads are way more interesting anyway from the driver's point of view -- more hills and bends.

I'm not going to argue that driving that way isn't wreckless and irresponsible, but I do try to limit the potental casualties to me and me alone.

Scottish_Player said:

I wouldnt say no if God came and asked me if i wanted to join him,sorry here for the non-positive post.i try to keep my posts positive in the hope that i can fool myself into thinking iam ok.


I realy want to die but i dont think i could ever take my own life.Maybe if i died naturaly then the few people around me woudnt feel guilty saying things like "how did we not notice" I feel realy bad, everynight i dread going to bed as that is the worst for me.Its 22.45 just now and heres another day been and gone and ive done nothing with it to help change myself.To think that my life will go on like this is sore and it hurts emotionaly and physicaly that i feel sick.I just want somting to change but i dont realy know what that "something" is.

Today i was out for one of my long drives in the country again and i almost had the urge to just throw my car of the road,all it would take it a quick flick of the wrist and that would be it all done.But then i think of the people who would have to find my mangled body and then someone (familay ) would have to identify me and i coudnt put anyone thru that.

I go for a country drive most nights now,its my only get away.I now call it my suicide run,i have a point that is 25 miles away from my house that i reach and then i head back home as quick as possible over taking everything on the road that i can,ive had a quite a few near misses and it is this that makes me feel alive.It just wakens me up and i feel some life back in me agian.

this is another one of my posts with no real point,just sometimes i need to write about stuff.

Click to expand...

Sounds like you're going through a bad patch. I know the feeling. You have my sympathy. I've had many nights when I've gone to bed and prayed that I would never wake up again.

As for the "wreckless" driving, take it easy. It's your moral duty to drive responsibily. I know the thrill to be had driving on country roads at high speed. I live in the north of Scotland where there are some great, empty roads which, in the past, I've merrily blasted along. I never had a near miss, but decided to stop as it's just not the right thing to be doing. All it takes is a single unfortunate moment and you can end up being responsible for the death/disabling/disfigurement of innocent people, with the wider impact it will have on their family and friends, let alone the mess you might make of yourself.

It's a good idea to build up a collection of hobbies and interests so when you are feeling like crap, you go do one of your hobbies to help take your mind of things...eg learn a musical instrument, go out jogging. It's good to find hobbies which are mentally or physically stimulating, rather than just classing as hobbies, aimlessly browsing the net or watching tv.

As for the high speed cars, there are one or two fabulous PC driving sims which can be played on-line with other people. You can drive as fast as you like, need to take care to avoid the other "real" drivers because they won't be overjoyed if you crash into them, but if you do make a mistake, it's not life and death, just maybe a few expletives. I play Live For Speed on-line (there's a free demo available of the latest version). It's superb, had very realistic physics and has a great on-line community. It's also a good way to get your mind of the dark depths of SA.

hi there this is the 1st time i have writen on here i have done the fast driving like u have 120mph on wet rd driving after i have been drinking but i didnt do it to feel alive i did it all because i was hoping i would mess up it would all be over

fredy said:

hi there this is the 1st time i have writen on here i have done the fast driving like u have 120mph on wet rd driving after i have been drinking but i didnt do it to feel alive i did it all because i was hoping i would mess up it would all be over

Click to expand...

Welcome to the forums

Sorry to hear about that, please be careful in the future! Though you may want to know that you're responding to a 5 year old thread :3

Scottish_Player said:

I wouldnt say no if God came and asked me if i wanted to join him,sorry here for the non-positive post.i try to keep my posts positive in the hope that i can fool myself into thinking iam ok.


I realy want to die but i dont think i could ever take my own life.Maybe if i died naturaly then the few people around me woudnt feel guilty saying things like "how did we not notice" I feel realy bad, everynight i dread going to bed as that is the worst for me.Its 22.45 just now and heres another day been and gone and ive done nothing with it to help change myself.To think that my life will go on like this is sore and it hurts emotionaly and physicaly that i feel sick.I just want somting to change but i dont realy know what that "something" is.

Today i was out for one of my long drives in the country again and i almost had the urge to just throw my car of the road,all it would take it a quick flick of the wrist and that would be it all done.But then i think of the people who would have to find my mangled body and then someone (familay ) would have to identify me and i coudnt put anyone thru that.

I go for a country drive most nights now,its my only get away.I now call it my suicide run,i have a point that is 25 miles away from my house that i reach and then i head back home as quick as possible over taking everything on the road that i can,ive had a quite a few near misses and it is this that makes me feel alive.It just wakens me up and i feel some life back in me agian.

this is another one of my posts with no real point,just sometimes i need to write about stuff.

Click to expand...

your post makes sense...this is why


The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.



1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

The Four Noble Truths

why are so many old threads being resurrected....2005 people