Illness of lost opportunities

SAD is sometimes referred to as an 'illness of lost opportunities' where individuals make major life choices to accommodate their illness.

I have been in denial about the extent of my disorder. Recently I have had a major melt down after pushing myself really hard to fight this BS. All I do is fight.

I read this description in the WIKI about SA and it really hit home for me.

Can anyone relate to the "Lost Opportunity" feelings?

I have had only a few real opportunities but yeah, they are gone. Now I live in a tiny, tiny world where there is little to no light at the end of the tunnel thanks to being this way.

Very good quote.

I am fighting every day.

Totally relate to this, my life is probably about lost opportunities. Especially because I have never been into high school ( had to stop it because of bullying ) and damn, not that I miss it but this probably where you are gaining all of your opportunities, this where you get to decide who you will be, who you're gonna get, who you're gonna be friend with. A lot of your life happens there

I can so relate to this, i now feel like a shell walking around and watxhing everyone else's good fortune and feeling so jealous, i feel like im cursed and that im a unacceptable human being.

I do think it's true that when you are out there mingling with a bunch of people and looking the part and acting the part that there is a lot of potential there for opportunities.
After all we get most of our opportunities from other people. So if you avoid people...probably won't go well.
Of course it's also possible to mingle with people and get no opportunities but it's like a casino. If you don't show up you can't play, if you don't play then you can't win.
For many of us here we either don't know how to play or don't have to will/energy to play due to things like depression/anxiety.

Sometimes I do very much feel this way, because I struggle with things I feel I shouldn't be struggling with, and the worst is feeling like I could have done it if only I had been tougher or stronger or not given in to whatever... and also the humiliations along the way.

I thought that people like me were supposed to prosper later, and the bullies were supposed to be punished... but sometimes the opposite is true.

I feel like I've always been looking to the future, believing that it would all come together for me... and I guess it still might, but the hard part is building up enough momentum and not getting too caught up in the fear or getting too wrapped up in the banalities that seem like such a big deal sometimes.

Absolutely. Agree with this 100%.
Looking back, I've lost out on financial gains, career gains, relationships and just life in general.
One of the biggest things I feel I've missed out on, is the feeling of being happy and content. Which is what I desire most.

Yo, I'm with y'all on the lost opportunities thing... a couple ladies I could have asked out but I was too shy, too many chances to do something that in retrospect, would have been awesome but I chickened out ... until one day something snapped in me and I figured if not going for it means I'm not gonna get it anyway and there's a one in a million chance of getting it if I go for it, why not just do it... and well, it's been a crazy journey since then. I'm still a bit shy, like I recently moved back home and it's like a reset button was hit and I gotta start all over again but I kinda got experiences to look back on and encourage myself. But the way I see it, it's better to go get it than pine and regret not doing anything. Just my $0.02

Which is why mindfulness, living in the present makes a lot of sense. Even though lost opportunities is not ideal, there are lots of people worse off.

Yeah, I missed out on many life experiences because of this: having friends, being able to form relationships. I never developed fully as a person, my sexuality became redundant, because I learnt not to trust. For long periods of my life I have led a sad directionless life of ill health and pain, not expecting to live to 50 and not really wanting to. Anxiety and depression made me give up and lose out on opportunities in high school and university.

I hindsight I feel sad for the person I once was, and can see that there was nothing wrong with me, and should've been able to experience things like love and friendship.

At times it has been my attitude and cynical negative outlook towards life that has caused me a lot of pain. That is in part of who I have become because of my sensitivity and the impact it has on me. Some of this also due to my attitude my laziness at times, not all lost opportunities is due to anxiety.

But then there are things I was glad I was born me and no one else. My love of nature, probably is due to my anxious and sensitive side. My imagination and creativity come from that part of me, and I like that part of me. I still wouldn't want to be anyone else.
I guess I love to run because I spend my whole day in flight mode, so when I can run it is such a relief.

I agree too. Looking back on how I used to skip school to avoid the bullies- which essentially caused me to get poor grades and that led to me not being able to attend a 4 year college. Yeah, that is huge. The avoidance redirected my entire life. Think of what I could have been with a freaking ounce of encouragement. Had I had even a little positive guidance I might have overcome the bullies... but this is how it turned out.
I am poor, sick, and basically isolated. I feel like a failure. Lucky for me I have a husband and kids- but I rely of them for my everything. They are my social life. The amount that I rely on them is probably some sick co-dependency issue.
One of these days I might just decide to move myself forward. I am optimistic that the day will come and I will be able to do something with my life.

I really like to hear that everyone still has hope. That helps me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stories. I wish I knew more people like the ones here. That would help me a lot.

I was the same Lavinia, not bullied but I was so anxious around kids my age I skipped school all of the time to get away from them. College was a nightmare. I dropped out for the same reasons of anxiety. I got very little support or help from my family. I was pretty much ignored and no one saw I had problems. I would have killed for some real encouragement like you said. It would have given me wings I needed. Instead I was isolated and sad all of the time, meanwhile trying so hard to push myself through it all. I now have given-up in so many ways. I try to have the "H" word but it tricks me and I usually feel worse for having dreams now, since they don't ever work out. It was easier 10 yrs ago to have hope, now after a decade of disappointments I am not so optimistic. I wish I knew the answer.

This is so true.

What I have a problem with is that people wonder why you don't have a "normal" life, because SA is not a completely visible problem. They then often jump to all sorts of wrong conclusions as to what the reason is.

I think I would prefer to have had a physical disability that is easily seen, like a missing limb or being in a wheelchair. Then a person would not be so judgemental about why you don't have a successful career or live in a decent house by a certain age etc.

Because I am 42, I have given up hope of anything working out to improve life. My last opportunity and attempt at making a big leap of faith with hope, crashed and burned just 2 months ago. Just like another big one did 3 years ago.......and all the others. All thwarted by either the anxiety or the depression.:kickingmyself:

I am done. I have kind of worked out how to repress the sadness from thinking about what "could have been". I've had to, or I know I would go mad.

On a positive note though, giving up expecting an opportunity to actually work sometime in the future, is actually a relieving experience.
The knowledge that you won't have to go through pinning your hopes on an opportunity working out and get disappointed again for the 20th time, helps. It no longer has the power to knock you down and out like a sucker punch.:thumbup:

BlueDays said:

I think I would prefer to have had a physical disability that is easily seen, like a missing limb or being in a wheelchair. Then a person would not be so judgemental about why you don't have a successful career or live in a decent house by a certain age etc.

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While ah understand why you'd think that... Take it fae me, Blue, ya wouldnae want that - speakin' fae ma ain experience of being physically disabled and a wheelchair user. Just be a disability is seen doesnae mean people will be less judgemental, it's just mean they won't pass judgement on ya when you're in their presence. They'll still talk aboot ye behind yer back.

^ Sorry fur that wee rant, ah'm jist sayin'... I'm no' angry at ya, just so y'know. Just sad tae hear you wish somethin' like that upon yersel'. While ah also understand how frustratin' it is to try and explain what it's like struggling with a mental health problem to someone who doesnae understand it.

Graeme1988 said:

While ah understand why you'd think that... Take it fae me, Blue, ya wouldnae want that - speakin' fae ma ain experience of being physically disabled and a wheelchair user. Just be a disability is seen doesnae mean people will be less judgemental, it's just mean they won't pass judgement on ya when you're in their presence. They'll still talk aboot ye behind yer back.

^ Sorry fur that wee rant, ah'm jist sayin'... I'm no' angry at ya, just so y'know. Just sad tae hear you wish somethin' like that upon yersel'. While ah also understand how frustratin' it is to try and explain what it's like struggling with a mental health problem to someone who doesnae understand it.

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Holy cow, I did not know that there are people (if you could call them that) that would actually negatively judge an obviously disabled person in a wheelchair behind their backs!! :thumbdown:

I had no idea that occurs Graeme. I am thankful that you have let me know that you can still get negative treatment even when you have a visible disability. That is so sad that you have to put up with that, Graeme. :sad:

I don't really think about missed opportunities of the past too much, but I think about the stuff I'm currently missing and how my few friends are all starting families and have decent jobs etc. and I just feel left behind.

MollyBeGood said:

I really like to hear that everyone still has hope. That helps me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stories. I wish I knew more people like the ones here. That would help me a lot.

I was the same Lavinia, not bullied but I was so anxious around kids my age I skipped school all of the time to get away from them. College was a nightmare. I dropped out for the same reasons of anxiety. I got very little support or help from my family. I was pretty much ignored and no one saw I had problems. I would have killed for some real encouragement like you said. It would have given me wings I needed. Instead I was isolated and sad all of the time, meanwhile trying so hard to push myself through it all. I now have given-up in so many ways. I try to have the "H" word but it tricks me and I usually feel worse for having dreams now, since they don't ever work out. It was easier 10 yrs ago to have hope, now after a decade of disappointments I am not so optimistic. I wish I knew the answer.

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BlueDays said:

What I have a problem with is that people wonder why you don't have a "normal" life, because SA is not a completely visible problem. They then often jump to all sorts of wrong conclusions as to what the reason is.

I think I would prefer to have had a physical disability that is easily seen, like a missing limb or being in a wheelchair. Then a person would not be so judgemental about why you don't have a successful career or live in a decent house by a certain age etc.

Because I am 42, I have given up hope of anything working out to improve life. My last opportunity and attempt at making a big leap of faith with hope, crashed and burned just 2 months ago. Just like another big one did 3 years ago.......and all the others. All thwarted by either the anxiety or the depression.:kickingmyself:

I am done. I have kind of worked out how to repress the sadness from thinking about what "could have been". I've had to, or I know I would go mad.

On a positive note though, giving up expecting an opportunity to actually work sometime in the future, is actually a relieving experience.
The knowledge that you won't have to go through pinning your hopes on an opportunity working out and get disappointed again for the 20th time, helps. It no longer has the power to knock you down and out like a sucker punch.:thumbup:

Click to expand...

Girls, we are all about the same age and I think we are just finally changing direction. Know what I mean? We had the fantasy of what life would be, and it didn't turn out like we thought it would, but being 42 is AWESOME! I love it. I feel more clear all the time, like the real me is finally emerging, and although the goals are different, I find my life more fulfilling, even in just the mundane chores I do. It's easier for me to find joy in the little things, and I'm grateful for that.

MollyBeGood said:

SAD is sometimes referred to as an 'illness of lost opportunities' where individuals make major life choices to accommodate their illness.

I have been in denial about the extent of my disorder. Recently I have had a major melt down after pushing myself really hard to fight this BS. All I do is fight.

I read this description in the WIKI about SA and it really hit home for me.

Can anyone relate to the "Lost Opportunity" feelings?

I have had only a few real opportunities but yeah, they are gone. Now I live in a tiny, tiny world where there is little to no light at the end of the tunnel thanks to being this way.

Click to expand...

i can definitely agree with that statement, lost opportunities and wasted time that u will never get back..lost opportunities to create life experiences and memories gone forever..

avoidance or social anxiety definitely cripples ones life...you basically live in a prison of sorts..

Esperance said:

Totally relate to this, my life is probably about lost opportunities. Especially because I have never been into high school ( had to stop it because of bullying ) and damn, not that I miss it but this probably where you are gaining all of your opportunities, this where you get to decide who you will be, who you're gonna get, who you're gonna be friend with. A lot of your life happens there

Click to expand...

this is true, high school and your early 20s are extremely important in forming relationships and finding your identity and experiencing certain milestones..once u pass these points in your life, they are gone forever..