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Old 12-02-2008  
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Default Im a 22 year old virgin.

I have a major personal dilemma: I am still a virgin- at my age! This is literally driving me insane. It is affecting me psychologically. I feel that there is a part of my life that is missing.

I want to meet a nice girl and take things at an easy pace and see if it develops into a relationship. I want a girlfriend so bad. I know nearly everyone has already done it ,but is it unusual to be a virgin at my age?
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Old 12-02-2008  
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welcome to the club!
i'm 20 and haven't had a kiss ...
i've found post and messages on the internet by virgins with 20, 30, 40, 50...

if i learnde something latelly is that it's not that big deal, why you need to follow such labels?

in some aspects it's even good, you've passed that phase where everybody is rushing for sex, now you can just take things easily and make this is a really special way.

i'm convinced that to find real love i need to settle and find inner peace, stop beating myself and develop some self love, if you're not ok with yourself you'll hardly be ok with another person.
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Old 12-02-2008  
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I'm soon to turn 22 and am still a virgin aswell. I don't know why but it really bothers me.
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Old 12-02-2008  
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I'm older than all of you: 26, 27 the end of January, & I've still never even been kissed. Though for me it's the result of extreme socia phobia. It makes me feel totally pathetic, but I know it's not going to be this way forever.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” _Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel
* * * * *
"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
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Old 12-02-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonnyD

i'm convinced that to find real love i need to settle and find inner peace, stop beating myself and develop some self love, if you're not ok with yourself you'll hardly be ok with another person.
Thats about the best advice I've ever heard for this problem.

I was a virgin at 22ish, next year that all changed and got my first real GF, I tell you, thats where it went downhill for me, she was a total nightmare, who I as an SA person was nowhere near enquipped enough to deal with, next one after her years later was a nightmare too.

Those two bad relationships made me worse

‘Nietzsche says there are two kinds of people in the world. People who are destined for greatness, like Walt Disney and Hitler and then there’s the rest of us. He called us, ‘the bungled and the botched.’ We get teased we sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We’re the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin and get gunned down in Dairy Queens.’ The Fisher King
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Old 12-02-2008  
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same here man.
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Old 12-02-2008  
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I lost my virginity very young.And this might sound daft as a guy but id do anything to get it back now.Im not saying it isnt nice but... if you just sleep with someone for the sake of it.. well in my humble opinion it isnt the same as giving yourself to someone you care about.

We all have needs at the end of the day so i can understand people being frustrated... but i dont think its all its cracked up to be.Give me affection over sex any day of the week and ill be a happy man.Id be even happier with both but still
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Old 12-02-2008  
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I am to the point where I feel or think that if all I got was affection (from females) or just attention from females that might be enough at least for a little while. It's better than nothing.. and it just might fill that cut out hole in my life that "supposed" to be "female" in my life. Maybe I just see it like.. too absolute. I think of male being yang and female being yin, as if we are sort of.. interdependent on each other, maybe even co-dependant, but I hate codependency. I mean.. I am not super man right now, at this point I haven't reached nirvana (like I ever will given the conditions I am in) so I'm still.. subject to "karmas" or whatever, Life, and it's consequences, and cause and effect, and the rules whatever rules we are set up in. I may never reach that "state" anyway the way I am right now.

tbh I actually have had some sexual contact.. about .. 3 times or so, but I don't see it as really "sex", it wasn't "complete", in fact the experiences might seem kind of sad and discouraging, as if the experiences are supposed to foreshadow my future. Not related to performance but moreso that there was not really any sort of "connection" or "vibe", and the choices I made may not have been the best choices I would say but I was thinking it's the only thing I could get. So yeah...

ok I'm vulnerable now.
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Old 12-02-2008  
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22-is that all :roll:

i'll be 29 in about two months and I don't think I'll be losing it before then. I've gotten used to being ignored by the opposite sex, hopefully something might happen next year but don't place any bets.
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Old 12-02-2008  
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I'm 21 and I accepted it, **** that shit. I did an extensive report on std's and aids for college, and that took all the want of sex. I wont be able to connect with anybody in a social level to be able to get to sex, i'm ****ing way to uncompatible.
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Old 12-03-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinker
Don't worry too much. You just need to push yourself a bit more in the right directions.

What's your life situation? Are you in college, do you work full time etc? If you're in college there's usually a few ways you could meet people. At 22 you should be able to make lots of opportunities, it's just a question of your anxieties holding you back.
I really have no life at all. Basically I'm at home most of the time and only go out maybe 2 or 3 times a week to buy some groceries or go to the cinemas. Either than that I'm on the computer alot, playing video games or working out at least 2 hrs a day.

I havent worked for nearly 7 months now due to depression and anxiety. I am taking the time off from work and start working on myself mostly exercising alot to lose some weight as I am 20kg overweight. I hope I can go back to work by February, and I can start feeling good about myself when Im out there.

But I know I'm going off track so atm Im not going in the right direction. :cry:
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Old 12-03-2008  
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[Part II]
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Old 12-03-2008  
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Don't worry about it. You just need to find a girl who is as ugly or more ugly than you. Then you need to charm the hell out of her. Like, if she treats you like dirt, then just act like it does not faze you. They love a man who is strong, it says a lot, like a man who gets by without being weak is a man who can support a woman in the long run. That's pretty much what attracted me to my ugly ex bf, and I fell completely for him. If he had not won me over, I would not have had sex with him. I'm so glad I did with that nerdy 4 eyes, he's the best thing I ever had. He was hardworking, and he's going to a university, he'll be done in 2 years. He's my ex but I love him dearly and would take him back if he would give me a second chance for being so mean to him. I admire so much about him.
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Old 12-04-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riiya
Is losing virginity when you're a boy perhaps a little like having your first period when you're a girl?
Seems like socialized boys compete ridiculously to attract more mates than each other, and make fun of anyone who's had less sex than them (while, paradoxically, preferring their girls to be virgins). I'm not sure how much they actually care about the sex compared to how much they care about the social superiority they feel the sex gives them. I couldn't care less, personally.

But for the purposes of the thread: 28, virgin, probably will be forever, and that has never depressed me at all. The complete lack of a life which happens to be the cause of being a virgin, on the other hand, can be depressing at times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingwithoutlivin
Then you need to charm the hell out of her. Like, if she treats you like dirt, then just act like it does not faze you. They love a man who is strong,
You realize of course that you're saying no guy with social phobia (read: none of the people you're talking to) can ever attract a woman, because we're not the (mentally) strong type and don't have the confidence and skill to do charm. Thanks for reinforcing the collective feeling of inadequacy and letting everyone know they don't have any of the basic qualities you believe all males ought to.

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
- Kurt Vonnegut
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Old 12-04-2008  
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I was 22 when I lost my virginity, two years ago. Although I had my first sexual encounter, a guy going down on me, when I was 17, I had never even touched an erect penis until I was 22. When I was younger, I used to daydream about my first time being special. I was waiting for marriage or something close. In fact, two guys tried to take my virginity when I was seventeen, but I did not allow either to do so because I was not "in love" with them.

But, that was when I was younger. With each progressing year, it got harder and harder to be the only one at the table who hasn't had sex when the conversation came up. I was embarrassed to be a virgin at 22. By this time I was at college, and I had given up on ever having true love. To this day, I still have not had a real boyfriend. I know I am not alone there.

So since I was in college, and I happened to have a good friend there that I made years ago by the grace of god who sort of invited me to tag along in social situations with him. His friends became my friends, and we got drunk every night. Alcohol is a good way to briefly free yourself of SA, but as with any drug, it eventually leaves you broken and humiliated.

So I had been "fooling around" with guys when I was drunk, never having intercourse, but doing everything but--I still thought my virginity might be special. I would meet these guys online, mostly. Facebook was a great tool for meeting people. I met this guy on facebook one night when I was drunk and asked if he wanted to come over and have me go down on him, and he agreed. So we met on the street outside my dorm and we went back to my room and I went down on him, then he said, "are you going to let me **** you?" I thought about it for a moment, and said, "yes." So he did, and it felt good. He got off in about five minutes (though including foreplay the encounter lasted a few hours). Of course once he got off, it was over. He did not care about getting me off. But he lay with me on my bed for about a half an hour afterward just talking to me about his feelings and his aspirations. (I would hook up with him again later and this would be a pattern--he would talk about himself to me for a while afterward.) But as he got up to leave, wouldn't you know my itunes began playing "just call me angel in the morning" by juice newton (don't judge me). The song celebrates a woman having one night stands, but with the condition, "just call me angel in the morning, just touch my cheek before you leave me." So noticing this, he comes over and kisses me softly one last time and takes off.

It's not glamorous, it's kind of trashy, but I thought it was high time I lost my virginity, and I did--to a stranger I just met, while I was drunk.

I recommend adultfriendfinder.com, though. Facebook isn't as much about hooking up anymore as it used to be.
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Old 12-04-2008  
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I agree with Hoth, I really do.. kinda think along those same lines.

Though yeah... me not having sex really makes me question if I'm just now biologically considered asexual, homo, not human, etc. or just pathetic because of course sex defines your sex your life, how long you live, your happiness, your health, etc. like yin goes to yang and vice versa.
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Old 12-06-2008  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingwithoutlivin
Don't worry about it. You just need to find a girl who is as ugly or more ugly than you.
uuhhh.. what the ****?
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Old 12-15-2008  
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It's nothing to worry about. I am currently 22 and am still a virgin. I have also been through college. Right now I figure that I should start trying just to feel "normal" with everyday people. Then when I am ready take the next step. Maybe you are just doing the same.
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Old 12-15-2008  
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Default Re: Im a 22 year old virgin.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonelyLoser
I have a major personal dilemma: I am still a virgin- at my age! This is literally driving me insane. It is affecting me psychologically. I feel that there is a part of my life that is missing.

I want to meet a nice girl and take things at an easy pace and see if it develops into a relationship. I want a girlfriend so bad. I know nearly everyone has already done it ,but is it unusual to be a virgin at my age?

To me I think it's better to be a virgin that to not be one. See bc yrs ago I drank alot and looked for guys to love me and if they wanted to have sex then I was fine with it bc I knew that I was doing sumtin good (well at least thats what i thought) Now that im married I just feel so bad for sleeping with the men bc now I have a STD all because I just wanted to feel loved and accepted. And to me I thought that these were clean men because they were nice and quiet but I guess not....so please please be careful and get to know that person first rather than just wanting to loose your virginity just because "you feel like your the only one" or just because it's "driving you crazy". Loose your virginity to the one you love not just because its bothering you that your still a virgin :!:
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Old 03-04-2009  
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Default Re: Im a 22 year old virgin.

you are only 22. i am from muslim community, if anyone here loses virginity bfore marriage and people come to know then god bless him. i know even muslims lose virginity bfore marriage but not everywhere, it is unlikely in south asian muslims. And the other thing is that in current culture, unless u have a job u dont get married, and often till 30 ppl here dont get married even if they have a job. so dont think u r alone.
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