I'm fearful of letting new people into my life...

A

Andreas84

Member
Is social anxiety really the issue or have I just convinced myself that it is?

When it comes to making new friends or starting a relationship, the general thought of someone entering my little world scares me. Perhaps that's why I haven't really made any new friends since I was child and have never been in relationship before. New people scare me. I don't why.

It's kind of strange too because I can seem to make friends at work with relative ease. I get along well with people and most seem to like me... However, the second someone suggests taking the friendship out of the workplace or some territory I've become familiar with, that's when the anxiety and fear sets in.

Same goes for relationships. Women seem to like me and I've even had the opportunity to get to know a few really well. A few years ago, I developed a really good relationship with this one girl. We would talk a lot at work and sometimes go grab coffee during a break. One day, she confessed that she had some strong feelings for me. It caught me completely off guard and really scared me. Again, the anxiety and fear set in and I just didn't know what to do. I made up some bogus excuse about not wanting to ruin the friendship when in reality, I was just scared of letting someone into my life.

I don't know if childhood bullying was the result of me developing this shield but it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I think I've just been masking a bigger issue all of these years by convincing myself it was all related to social anxiety.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Andreas84 said:
Is social anxiety really the issue or have I just convinced myself that it is?

When it comes to making new friends or starting a relationship, the general thought of someone entering my little world scares me. Perhaps that's why I haven't really made any new friends since I was child and have never been in relationship before. New people scare me. I don't why.

It's kind of strange too because I can seem to make friends at work with relative ease. I get along well with people and most seem to like me... However, the second someone suggests taking the friendship out of the workplace or some territory I've become familiar with, that's when the anxiety and fear sets in.

Same goes for relationships. Women seem to like me and I've even had the opportunity to get to know a few really well. A few years ago, I developed a really good relationship with this one girl. We would talk a lot at work and sometimes go grab coffee during a break. One day, she confessed that she had some strong feelings for me. It caught me completely off guard and really scared me. Again, the anxiety and fear set in and I just didn't know what to do. I made up some bogus excuse about not wanting to ruin the friendship when in reality, I was just scared of letting someone into my life.

I don't know if childhood bullying was the result of me developing this shield but it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I think I've just been masking a bigger issue all of these years by convincing myself it was all related to social anxiety.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
Click to expand...

I have the same feelings about letting new people into my life as well.

Do you feel you've masking a bigger issue? Childhood bullying could have contributed to you developing this shield, especially if ye had to deal with it frequently. Ah know, my experience of childhood bullying affect me quite a bit in terms of my relationships with others. Both in terms of trust, and being emotionally vunerable. Self-esteem issues, etc.

Being afraid of getting hurt emotionally has definitely made me apprehensive about forming and maintaining friendship or relationship. Past experience can have a profound affect of us.

Anyway, fear and anxiety you're experiencing, could be down to going outside yer comfort zone - ie, the workplace. Being unfamilar territory does cause anxiety, especially when you're going somewhere you haven't been.

Sorry, I can't really offer much advice - I kinda suck in that department. :eek:h:
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Are you close with any family members, I wonder?

I am quite close with my immediate family but tend to keep alot of things to myself as I still feel that no one can really be trusted with my secrets... not that they're all that *important* but I just don't think I can trust people with anything important.

I don't have any advice for you, yet-- just felt like sharing!
 
Steiner

Steiner

Well-known member
I find it hard to let people in and be a part of my life.

So I try to push them away or escape because of this invisible pressure that I have to meet up to their expectation. The expectation of the fake me. The me that puts on an act for others. The happy person that cracks jokes and doesn't seem to have any flaws. Though it's really an expectation set by myself. I can't reach my own expectations thus I try to escape from others when really I am the problem.Though an even bigger problem is that I am not even that outgoing with my fakeself. I create an image in my head that is so grandeur that it is probably impossible to reach.

I realize the problem but the pressure is always there and at some point it just becomes unbearable to deal with.

I have no suggestions. Sorry.
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
Same here. I think it's totally understandable. For me I think I'm scared of letting new people into my life because I'm scared that when they see the parts of me that I'm ashamed of they'll lose all respect for me. I've been so embarrassed on so many occasions. All those times in social situations when I've had to just run away, or I've let people down, or I've totally frozen up and let fear overcome me and people have laughed at me and I've been absolutely powerless. These experiences are really humiliating and painful for me, so I think it's totally natural that I'd be very cautious about putting myself in these situations again.

My advice is just to take things slower. I like to keep people at a distance, until I'm sure they're the type of person who will be understanding and accepting and that I can trust.
 
MotherWolff

MotherWolff

Banned
Andreas84 said:
Is social anxiety really the issue or have I just convinced myself that it is?

When it comes to making new friends or starting a relationship, the general thought of someone entering my little world scares me. Perhaps that's why I haven't really made any new friends since I was child and have never been in relationship before. New people scare me. I don't why.

It's kind of strange too because I can seem to make friends at work with relative ease. I get along well with people and most seem to like me... However, the second someone suggests taking the friendship out of the workplace or some territory I've become familiar with, that's when the anxiety and fear sets in.

Same goes for relationships. Women seem to like me and I've even had the opportunity to get to know a few really well. A few years ago, I developed a really good relationship with this one girl. We would talk a lot at work and sometimes go grab coffee during a break. One day, she confessed that she had some strong feelings for me. It caught me completely off guard and really scared me. Again, the anxiety and fear set in and I just didn't know what to do. I made up some bogus excuse about not wanting to ruin the friendship when in reality, I was just scared of letting someone into my life.

I don't know if childhood bullying was the result of me developing this shield but it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. I think I've just been masking a bigger issue all of these years by convincing myself it was all related to social anxiety.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
Click to expand...

This does sound like social anxiety. I have this problem too like the one you just described. But alot of times I do not even avoid people out of fear, but out of pure irritation anf annoyance. I wonder what that would be called. Well, if you think you have social anxiety and you want to resolve it, speak to a therapist who specializes in this area. I hope that helps and good luck! ;)
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
A structured environment such as work makes it easier to associate with people.
Its when it becomes unstructured that things get tough.
I've never been one for standing around a table with drink in hand listening to someone rave on about their brothers uncles sisters wife's best friend's cat making them laugh..
 
BlissfulMoments

BlissfulMoments

Member
Not really. I can sense whether someones intention is good or bad. Like if I'm walking down the hallway, and I can tell if someone is going to approch me and whether it's good or bad, so I knew right away if I could trust them or not.

I misread, and thought the topic, and thought it said "Are you fearful of letting new people int your life". I'm sorry for the confusion.
 
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Still_Waters

Still_Waters

Banned
I know how you feel. I guess I'm fearful of how they'll react when they really get to know me. How they'll react when they meet my family and realize how weird I can be with all my anxiety issues. I would love to be in a relationship now with children but fear is like the only barrier keeping me back. I think everyone hear can relate to their social phobia having to do with a long term struggle with fear.
 
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