I'm not a snob!! I have social anxiety!

AsHLeY

Well-known member
I generally try to pretend that I'm excited about going some place for a bonfire/party when deep down, I'm freaking out times ten! I try to pretend that the social things that are supposed to be fun, actually ARE fun to me. I've always felt anxiety around people I don't know and it takes me sooo long to feel comfortable enough to talk to them the way I do with my close friends & family. It's so weird how different I act with people I do know versus the people I do not.
I'm actually pretty sarcastic, really opinionated, I can definitely take a joke and I'm usually really happy around family/friends but whenever I meet new people, I'm very stand-offish & I avoid them like the plague (if I can.) I don't think that I'm stand-offish in a nasty or mean way ~ it's more because I don't wanna feel anxiety & I don't want them to SEE that I feel anxiety. I also have a mega problem with making eye contact.
The weird part is that people always seem to view me as being a stuck-up snob, which couldn't be further from the truth. I guess it's just a barrier I put up so that no one will know that my social skills with people I'm not familiar with suck to the 3rd degree. I hate that they think I'm snotty but the only alternative with having social anxiety would be for me to act all sheepish. I still have pride and there's no way I'll show that I'm intimidated by strangers.
Even though I feel apprehensive when people I don't know give me what I perceive as dirty looks or whatever, I still refuse to walk by them looking all meek/submissive.... to me, that's like a white-flag for bowing down and getting walked all over by people. I'm not even sure why I think that way ~ I can't say that I was ever really picked on but I felt left out a lot in school and I totally suck at reading facial expressions/body language. I continually wonder to myself "was that a dirty look?" or "were they offended when I said that" etc...I'm waaay too analytical!
I'm not gonna lie, I am a naturally quiet person but recently, I overheard somebody at work say "She thinks she's better than everyone, that's why she doesn't talk very much." It's always the little comments made by people I don't even know that totally crush me. I hate it when people think they're superior to everyone else ~ so being compared to them really bothers me! Why is gossip always the #1 thing??
I dunno, I guess I just really wish I didn't have to pretend so hard that I can function normally in social situations. Life would be so much easier without social anxiety!
 
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Dear Ash,

Hi, I just wanted to mention that this was a truly well described and accurate posting of how people (family, friends, and others) who have social anxiety, in many cases, are stigmatized without any understanding of what it's really like. I completely understand what you have expressed here. That automatic judgment from others seems like a standard they use to measure us by. In fact, if those same people knew how difficult it is to deal with this, then they would find that these kind of destructive remarks are premature at best. People who still find the strength, despite intense internal struggling, to continually go out and face their fears, exhibit an uncommon strength. Thank you for posting this...

Sincerely,

David (NewDawnFades)
 

curt6887

New member
I have heard this from alot of people. It seems like you just can't trust someone until you have known them for a while. I actually used to have this problem. Anxiety can be a big depressor but you must think to yourself "hey, I'm better than this", "I will not let anxiety take over MY life".

Good luck to you,

Curtis
 

coriander1992

Well-known member
Tell me about it! :roll:

Why is that people feel qualified to make such ridiculous judgements about other people when they actually know jack sh*t about them!?

I also get the "She's a snob" comments, but like you said, I will not act all sheepish and "weak" just to get rid of these comments. I won't let people trample on me like that...but I can't pretend their comments don't hurt.

I totally identify with everything you've talked about.
 

recluse

Well-known member
When i started in my first job at the age of 19, a mouthy little prick who worked there asked me ''why are you so arrogant!'' How dare people judge someone they don't even know! I have no arrogance because i am shy! Arrogant people are certainly not shy. The definition of a ''snob'' is someone who looks down on people they think are lower than them in society, ''shy'' is a totally different word!
 

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Ignorant people simply don't know that social anxiety is like hell for us. I experience similar problems. I don't remember hearing people talk about me like that, but I feel that they are not comfortable around me. I'm not arrogant at all, I wish I were :cry:
 

bornsad

New member
i totally understand what ashley is saying. I get that alot too. Just because I don't want to be viewed inferior to someone else I guess I have this wall as a defensive mechanism. I've heard alot from people who ask me why I always look so angry, and had my close friends tell me that other people at my school think I'm bitchy and that I have an attitude problem. But I'm not! I'm totally a nice person who wants to be friends with good people, but it's my social anxiety that gives me a problem loosening up around people I don't know so well and be sociable. Tears... :(
 

spectator

Well-known member
I'm very similar to you, except I don't have pride and I let people know my true nature, and I rarely get trampled on since most people don't have the heart to bother me. It works because they don't see me as a snob, just as the socially awkward one of the group. Though I'm not sure you should be taking this suggestion. It works for me because I like taking orders from people, if you wouldn't want that, I guess you just have to practice loosening up to new people. Try making conversation with cashiers or something. You'll be surprised how it can work.
 

Moonie

Well-known member
Wow, I can relate! Us shy and social anxiety folk get called alot of awful things - snobby, dumb, weird, depressed, etc.

The one that I really hated was being thought of as meek and dumb. I'd almost rather come across as snobby (as bad as that sounds.) But, there is more of an aura of mystery and cool to that than some of the others we are called.

But, my absolute least favorite thing that I have been called is stupid. That happened a lot when I was younger. I remember in second grade that we were playing this trivia game - and it was my turn to go up to the board. One girl said, "Oh great. Lauren is stupid." And the funny part is, these people are usually not the brightest of people.

And then one time in 3rd grade, a childhood friend was talking with a group of girls. They were talking about me and how I didn't talk. And one girl said, "She is stupid."

It really hurts.
 

recluse

Well-known member
The trouble with the human race is that we are too intelligent. We humans are the ones who have ruined the planet, we are the greedy ones. Animals are better than us humans.
 

coriander1992

Well-known member
recluse said:
The trouble with the human race is that we are too intelligent. We humans are the ones who have ruined the planet, we are the greedy ones. Animals are better than us humans.

I totally agree.
 

AgentR

Active member
The trouble with the human race is that we are too intelligent. We humans are the ones who have ruined the planet, we are the greedy ones. Animals are better than us humans.

I totally agree with that too. I guess that why I want a career in Zoology (fancy word for Zookeeper!) My English teacher talking the other day about human nature and she says it has stay the same for hundreds of years and nothing has changed but I so disagree with that. Humans are getting worser every day. I don't know why scientists are worried about Global Warming because in the end humans are probably drive themselves to extinction anyway.
 

Argamemnon

Well-known member
recluse said:
The trouble with the human race is that we are too intelligent. We humans are the ones who have ruined the planet, we are the greedy ones. Animals are better than us humans.
Well said.. we are the ones who make conscious decisions all the time, and sadly most of those decisions are wrong and very harmful.
 

BreakingFree

Well-known member
I am not a snob

One of my managers at work once walked in front of me with his nose in the air Was he telling me someting,?By all means, he trying to say you are a snob and act like one- blatant abuse if you ask me!. Do I walk with my nose in the air? I do not know, but I am heavily into self observation and I do catch myself at times that my nose is in the air, but my head is pretty tight/tense. To me the tension indicates I feel anxiety/ feeling threatened and its probably my way of coping with a threatening situation. With SP, how can I for one moment thing I am better that someone else? Just saying good morning and good bye at work is a bit of a mission! Not to talk about my inability to maintain conversations unless we talk about something specific!Ghee some snob I am, I have plenty qualifications to show for it!. :? 8O
 

ripewithdecay

Well-known member
ive been called arrogant and a snob on many occasions, even from family members. but you know what, even if i was, (even though im really not) at least id be able to admit it.
 

LonelyGirl

Well-known member
I don't think I've ever been called a snob but I believe some people think I am. When I was in high school people tried to convince me that I was bullying them by not talking to them and said they were going to tell a teacher. They didn't mean it - they were just trying to get me to talk. It didn't work and they got bored. People have some strange perceptions of people with SA.
 
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