dannyboy65
Well-known member
I feel it more and more everyday. I can't cry for help here so I write on here hoping someone can understand me when no one else can. I have a life a lot of people would love and I seem like someone who is really happy. I've been battling for too many years with my own mind. It's starting to get worse year by year. I keep doing good things and positive things, but I still get worse. I'm going into a career where I help vulnerable people, yet I can't even help myself. I keep taking my medication hoping that it will help me, I keep trying to do the right thing and being easy going.
I don't like to acknowledge this because it's hard to accept, but I'm pushing everyone away more and more. I basically stopped hanging out with my friends, and I hardly ever see my girlfriend. I don't talk to anyone at school, instead I sit alone. Yet I find I like the loneliness, where as I used to hate being alone cause of the voices that yell and scream at me in my head. Now I just listen to them yell at me and tell me how useless I am, and oddly I am ok with them now.
I've lost my fears of dying, I also lost my fears of losing people. I don't even know what my motivations are anymore. I guess all I want now is answers. I'm tired of being confused with what's real and what's not. I want to know why my mind is like this. I don't know if you guys noticed during this whole writing my emotions change drastically. I don't ever feel the same emotion for five minutes. While I wrote this I started off depressed, then to a strange emotion I can't explain. Then basically to apathy, which I've been feeling a lot of lately.
I don't know why I still write. I guess I like talking to you guys on this site because I feel if anyone even has a chance to understanding maybe one person here does. Now I'm just rambling, sorry for wasting your guys time with my crazy ramblings.
I don't like to acknowledge this because it's hard to accept, but I'm pushing everyone away more and more. I basically stopped hanging out with my friends, and I hardly ever see my girlfriend. I don't talk to anyone at school, instead I sit alone. Yet I find I like the loneliness, where as I used to hate being alone cause of the voices that yell and scream at me in my head. Now I just listen to them yell at me and tell me how useless I am, and oddly I am ok with them now.
I've lost my fears of dying, I also lost my fears of losing people. I don't even know what my motivations are anymore. I guess all I want now is answers. I'm tired of being confused with what's real and what's not. I want to know why my mind is like this. I don't know if you guys noticed during this whole writing my emotions change drastically. I don't ever feel the same emotion for five minutes. While I wrote this I started off depressed, then to a strange emotion I can't explain. Then basically to apathy, which I've been feeling a lot of lately.
I don't know why I still write. I guess I like talking to you guys on this site because I feel if anyone even has a chance to understanding maybe one person here does. Now I'm just rambling, sorry for wasting your guys time with my crazy ramblings.