I'm stuck in life.

I'm trying my best not to ramble so I'm keeping it short and sweet without going off on some tangent aha. Meaning I've hardly explained anything...
Also I apologise if this is in the wrong section ahe.

I'm 16 years old, 17 in May.
I got kicked out of college last year around October time due to my lack of attendance. Why my lack of attendance? It's been the same since the end of year 6. I can't will myself to go, no matter how much I wanted to I just can't. Some days I managed to, but most days I couldn't. I'd cry my heart out in the mornings and I don't know why. The only way I can explain this is that it was like someone was sending me to my death.
I was terrified, and I didn't want to be.
It was a overwhelming panic or anxiety attack before I even left the front door.
Teachers would grab me by the wrist and force me through the front doors of the building. I even had a police officer drag me to school from my home for a while. They threw counsellors (Who did nothing) at me and the education welfare officer was constantly down my throat.
On the days that they managed to get me in they would shove me into empty classrooms, isolation, offices, just anywhere like that because I couldn't manage to get into the classroom.
I just could never figure out why and neither could the adults.
It's really hard to explain what it was like without rambling on.

So anyway, after years of going through that and missing so much education, by year 11 I was brought to this school that I'm not sure how to explain. Basically it was a small school where children who've been kicked out of school or have learning disabilities would attend. It was part time and one to one tuition and I found it easier to go to (But I still had a lot of times where I had panic attacks and couldn't do it). I managed to get some average GCSE's.
Around this time is when I realised that I might have Social Anxiety Disorder. My parents and teachers didn't believe me, they figured that I'm just some troublesome kid doing it for attention. So I spoke to a doctor and well, I got pushed away from him too. So I suppose I left it at that.

Moving on, I got accepted into college to do an Animal Management level 2 course. It was full time for a year. I thought I was ready, after coping rather well in year 11. But after only being able to face one day, I fell into the old routine. Leading to no attendance and being removed.

So that leads to where I am now. I'm doing nothing, I'm just sitting at home feeling like I've messed my whole life up.
My parents still don't believe (or simply care) that I may have SAD, but they got me to see a different doctor to which he has referred me to a psychiatrist (Whom I'm hopefully seeing this week).

My point of this all is, well, what do I do now?
I want to go back to college and do the animal management course, I really do! I want to become a zoo keeper or animal welfare officer or simply something along those lines. But I don't know how to stop whatever it is that happens whenever I try to get to school. It's the worst feeling in the world.
And I'm ashamed to say I'm ignorant to how the world works.
I'm terrified I'll never get the education I want, or a job because I'm like this

I know I didn't explain my self well, explaining what's going through my head is not one of my strong points. Gold stars to anyone who actually can make sense of all that text aha.

i have SAD as well.but now i know i got a lot better than i was.i'm still on medication.i suggest you to see a psychiatrist asap.after a month you'll be a whole different person.a good person.a better person.i'm not saying your SAD will completely go away.but it does get better believe me.don't give up.you still have hope.also there are natural Treatments.start now.find out what they are and try them. doing exercises always helps.don't put all the responsibility on medication.you should try every possible way to get better.you gotta dream,you gotta protect it!

I understand how hard this is. I have a similar story but not the same, I don't have SAD I have autism. My whole school life I've been bullied and had no one that wanted to be a friend. It lead me to drug use, I was high pretty much everyday, all day. Eventually I was put in the hospital for suicide attempt. The doctors said the same thing they tell you. When I was at school though I was always alone, I was scared to go places, I would skip classes, and my marks were lower then ever.

Currently I am a college student of 2 years. I've joined an autism foundation that gives me a life coach to teach me how to do social things and such. I've been clean for almost 2 years now also. On top of all that I'm the highest marks in my class.

I may not know how SAD feels, but I know how hard it is to grow up with autism and not be diagnosed till I was 16. It's not a great feeling. I think you should try to join a support group. Another thing you can maybe try is meditation, or exercising. Just some things off the top of my head.

Sorry for rambling by the way.

i've felt this before. so, i try to keep my diet healthy. i don't drink, smoke or consume caffeine. i also try to relax and sleep more. after a year, i am feeling much better. the anxiety no longer comes up. i think a vacation is much needed in your case. do things that really recharge you.

16 in college? Youre moving along nice and fast!

Metal_isthe_Answer said:

16 in college? Youre moving along nice and fast!

Click to expand...

I'm guessing you're not from the UK . Our schooling works differently over here. When you're 16 you do your GCSE's and leave Secondary school to do 6th form, college, or start work etc.

Idk what to say as far as advice or anything but it sounds like the counseling resources around you kind of stink. I hope you can find a professional to talk to you through these problems and that the psychiatrist doesn't just give you pills... Just follow your heart and try to do relaxing things, & maybe study about your dreams in the meantime to get you motivated. You'll succeed love, don't worry! Good luck, auburn.