Taking pictures. I know that if one is reading this, they're probably thinking "That's it?" On top of having a phobia of having my picture taken, I have other anxieties also. One of them being afraid of eating around people.
Now this is also an eyeroll alert. Every time you read the phrase "my picture taken..", roll your eyes.
Well, I digress. I'm 29 right now, and When I was a young child, I used to have the occasional family get together picture/school photo taken; however I noticed a gradual shift as my reluctance to taking pictures increased gradually.
As of these past and present years, I have become very nervous at the very thought of ha my photograph taken. The actual anticipation of the process is brutal but that aftermath is just as bad. In my teen years, when my anxiety of taking pictures wasn't as great, I would see the photo of myself, I would always look and wonder disappointingly..."Do I really look like this ?"
You see, growing up, I used to get teased by my peers in school. I used to get called ugly alot, and this always seemed to follow me to whichever school I attended. The teasing seemed to begin in elementary and ended around my senior year in high school.
I was always the girl that all the boys used as there comical relief at my expense. I remember I would always go to school with a neutral self-esteem only to go home with a shattered self-confidence. I even was told I looked like a horse by my own teacher (who I suspect was an alcoholic) in front of the whoooole class. They roared out in laughter. Looking back, the word ugly was thrown alot in my direction. So, it makes sense that I'm absolutely mortified to have my photo taken. As of now however, my self-esteem has improved and I don't believe I'm ugly anymore, but I still can't get over this picture situation.
When I'm about to have my pic taken, I feel my face start to twitch (I dunno if ppl can see this twitching) I get sweaty, and my stomach rumbles, and that's all in anticipation.
I remember having my picture ID taken at my current job. It was a group orientation, and I decided to go first just so I could get it over with. I sat down, and got ready trying to hide my anxiety.
You see, if the person whose taking the pic is quik, my anxiety build up is not so bad. I find that the longer the person takes, the more my anxiety and twitching increasingly builds.
Anyway, the lady who was taking the pic was taking forever! She would have me pose, only to stall and fiddle around somemore with the camera. All the while, I can feel the line of potential co-workers stand in line watching.
She would say, "Get ready." Only to laugh it off, stop and fiddle around with the camera some more. She did this about three times!. Needless to say, and not surprising; my identification badge came out dreadful. My smile looked crooked and my whole face looks awkward. My smile was so crooked, it looked like I had the Elvis snarl going on.
That experience added to my anxiety, but with that experience I realized that the longer the picture taker takes, the more uncomfortable I become.
So, I am on here wondering if there is anybody with the same problem. I hate being like this because I have no pictures of myself in my early to mid-twenties. I have no problem taking a self portrait with my cellular phone alone.. My worst fear is that in the future if I ever get married or when I have I meet a man I like, and a picture is taken, am I going to embarrass myself when that milestone picture has to be taken? This is so frustrating, the thing that other ppl my age take for granted, I worry soooo much about.
Is there help for people out there like me to get over this fear?
Now this is also an eyeroll alert. Every time you read the phrase "my picture taken..", roll your eyes.
Well, I digress. I'm 29 right now, and When I was a young child, I used to have the occasional family get together picture/school photo taken; however I noticed a gradual shift as my reluctance to taking pictures increased gradually.
As of these past and present years, I have become very nervous at the very thought of ha my photograph taken. The actual anticipation of the process is brutal but that aftermath is just as bad. In my teen years, when my anxiety of taking pictures wasn't as great, I would see the photo of myself, I would always look and wonder disappointingly..."Do I really look like this ?"
You see, growing up, I used to get teased by my peers in school. I used to get called ugly alot, and this always seemed to follow me to whichever school I attended. The teasing seemed to begin in elementary and ended around my senior year in high school.
I was always the girl that all the boys used as there comical relief at my expense. I remember I would always go to school with a neutral self-esteem only to go home with a shattered self-confidence. I even was told I looked like a horse by my own teacher (who I suspect was an alcoholic) in front of the whoooole class. They roared out in laughter. Looking back, the word ugly was thrown alot in my direction. So, it makes sense that I'm absolutely mortified to have my photo taken. As of now however, my self-esteem has improved and I don't believe I'm ugly anymore, but I still can't get over this picture situation.
When I'm about to have my pic taken, I feel my face start to twitch (I dunno if ppl can see this twitching) I get sweaty, and my stomach rumbles, and that's all in anticipation.
I remember having my picture ID taken at my current job. It was a group orientation, and I decided to go first just so I could get it over with. I sat down, and got ready trying to hide my anxiety.
You see, if the person whose taking the pic is quik, my anxiety build up is not so bad. I find that the longer the person takes, the more my anxiety and twitching increasingly builds.
Anyway, the lady who was taking the pic was taking forever! She would have me pose, only to stall and fiddle around somemore with the camera. All the while, I can feel the line of potential co-workers stand in line watching.
She would say, "Get ready." Only to laugh it off, stop and fiddle around with the camera some more. She did this about three times!. Needless to say, and not surprising; my identification badge came out dreadful. My smile looked crooked and my whole face looks awkward. My smile was so crooked, it looked like I had the Elvis snarl going on.
That experience added to my anxiety, but with that experience I realized that the longer the picture taker takes, the more uncomfortable I become.
So, I am on here wondering if there is anybody with the same problem. I hate being like this because I have no pictures of myself in my early to mid-twenties. I have no problem taking a self portrait with my cellular phone alone.. My worst fear is that in the future if I ever get married or when I have I meet a man I like, and a picture is taken, am I going to embarrass myself when that milestone picture has to be taken? This is so frustrating, the thing that other ppl my age take for granted, I worry soooo much about.
Is there help for people out there like me to get over this fear?
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