ShyBeliever
Well-known member
"What’s in it for me. What’s in it for me?
Be natural. Make people feel at ease. Find a connection, something in common with them. You don’t have to be doing something all the time.
It’s not rocket science. It’not like trying to think up e=mc2. You just enjoy each others company, you like being around someone, you spend more time together, and you’re friends. You can make tons of friends that you care about. Give them a reason to be your friend.
Become genuinely interested in other people. You can add little conversational tips that I talked about in other articles. You can go to sites like SoSuave.com and add bits and pieces to your “game” with women, if that’s what you’re into. I would caution you though about getting too deep into that seduction/get girls world. I don’t think it’s the healthiest of lifestyles; things are extremely black and white in that world.
I would also throw up a caution about Tony Robbins, self help, and going into this guru-esque “someone is going to save you” kind of culture. It can get very addicting; you can’t be happy until you buy another book or get another tape set. You’re putting your life on hold in some ways.
It’s funny, no one has an incentive to tell you that you can be fine right now, without having to buy anything. Could it be, that’s the reason so many people have problems? No one wakes you up in the middle of the night and says…man, get going in life. You could be out enjoying all these things. You’re never going to read a book, an article, a thread, a website….that just says, stop! Go out and enjoy the rest of the day. If you’re in this cycle of spending months and months (years and years) on the net, realize you can stop at any point and get off the ride.
We live in a society that’s very quick to tell you there’s something wrong with you. You don’t fit in? Well, you have social anxiety disorder. Your brain chemistry is out of whack. It’s genetic.You can’t change it. There’s just nothing you can do about it. You can hope and pray…maybe you can improve a little bit…but that’s it, that’s who you are.
That’s some dangerous sh*t to buy into. I’ve got photos of me from age 8-12/13 socializing, I had friends over, I had birthday parties. I’m sure I got rejected at some point, but I lived, I’m still here to talk about it. Have my genes mutated since I was 10? Has my brain chemistry changed so much, that I can’t enjoy life the same way that I once did?
That’s insanity IMO. The vast majority of people on shyness/social anxiety sites want some kind of contact with other people. You wouldn’t be posting if you didn’t.
That’s the problem that’s always bugged me. You’ve got a personality, you’ve got some interests in life. You’re smart, you’re a good person, you’re all these things. You can talk on the computer for a long time. Your buddy list might be pretty big.
But there’s something missing. There’s something you’re uncomfortable about, or something in the way, and it’s blocking you from getting out and moving on.
I think that’s why a lot of shyness advice on the web doesn’t stick. You know all the advice. Go out and meet people. Join a group. Try something new. Invite someone out. You know it, but there’s all these objections in the way. You’re just conviced that there’s something wrong with you.
I think for a lot of people, the problem isn’t “shyness” or that there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you’re just self conscious. Maybe you haven’t developed the right social skills. Maybe you’re finding your place in the world.
The more I think about it, the more I just can’t believe how quick the world is to judge someone. You’re weird. You don’t fit in. I don’t think he fits in.
How often do you hear that vs, “maybe he’s just finding his place in the world”. Maybe he’s just discovering who he is. I hope everyone reading this takes a deep breath, and says to themselves….there’s nothing wrong with me. Nothing is permanent or absolute. Things will move on.
-Start to reduce irrational fears. You’re going to make it in life. The average life expectancy in the US is about 77. If you’re healthy, if you’re a good driver, if you don’t smoke, etc….you could live into your 80’s, 90’s, maybe even 100.
My guess is that a lot of people with shyness/social anxiety (so bad that it hurts your quality of life) are fearful of the world in some sense. Afraid of confrontation, afraid someone is out to get you, afraid this is going to happen, afraid that’s going to happen.
The internet and the media can really amplify your fears. The net can be really dark, and weird when you’re down (it’s dark and weird anyways). You end up finding reasons to back up your fears and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
TV and the media have just gone insane with negativity. I don’t see how anyone can take it seriously, it’s not reality. It what sells. The #1 rule in journalism is, “if it bleeds it leads”.
If you took this stuff seriously, it’s like the end of the world out there. Bird flu is going to wipe everyone out, the hackers are out to get you, the identity thieves and scammers are going to ruin your life, the scary looking murderer on the 11 0’clock news is going to get me….Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (I’m under the covers as I type, who can take any chances out there??). Joking aside….all this can severly limit your life if you’re already in a hole.
It assumes you can’t handle anything. If I can handle the problem, why do I even need to hear about it? Of course news directors don’t think like that. Why would they?
Stop taking everything as a personal attack on who you are. Develop a core belief that says everything is going to be ok. This is a mental muscle that you’re going to have to flex.
Nothing should be attacking you. Nothing should be threatning you. Your self esteem shouldn’t be on the line every time you talk to someone.
If you want to feel better socially and around people, remember, there’s nothing wrong. Nothing is out of place.
I’m sure you’ve noticed this when you’re around really outgoing people. There’s nothing wrong.
I’ve learned this so much but, people follow your lead. If you don’t think there’s anything wrong, there’s nothing wrong. "
http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/lifebackontrack.html[/u]
Be natural. Make people feel at ease. Find a connection, something in common with them. You don’t have to be doing something all the time.
It’s not rocket science. It’not like trying to think up e=mc2. You just enjoy each others company, you like being around someone, you spend more time together, and you’re friends. You can make tons of friends that you care about. Give them a reason to be your friend.
Become genuinely interested in other people. You can add little conversational tips that I talked about in other articles. You can go to sites like SoSuave.com and add bits and pieces to your “game” with women, if that’s what you’re into. I would caution you though about getting too deep into that seduction/get girls world. I don’t think it’s the healthiest of lifestyles; things are extremely black and white in that world.
I would also throw up a caution about Tony Robbins, self help, and going into this guru-esque “someone is going to save you” kind of culture. It can get very addicting; you can’t be happy until you buy another book or get another tape set. You’re putting your life on hold in some ways.
It’s funny, no one has an incentive to tell you that you can be fine right now, without having to buy anything. Could it be, that’s the reason so many people have problems? No one wakes you up in the middle of the night and says…man, get going in life. You could be out enjoying all these things. You’re never going to read a book, an article, a thread, a website….that just says, stop! Go out and enjoy the rest of the day. If you’re in this cycle of spending months and months (years and years) on the net, realize you can stop at any point and get off the ride.
We live in a society that’s very quick to tell you there’s something wrong with you. You don’t fit in? Well, you have social anxiety disorder. Your brain chemistry is out of whack. It’s genetic.You can’t change it. There’s just nothing you can do about it. You can hope and pray…maybe you can improve a little bit…but that’s it, that’s who you are.
That’s some dangerous sh*t to buy into. I’ve got photos of me from age 8-12/13 socializing, I had friends over, I had birthday parties. I’m sure I got rejected at some point, but I lived, I’m still here to talk about it. Have my genes mutated since I was 10? Has my brain chemistry changed so much, that I can’t enjoy life the same way that I once did?
That’s insanity IMO. The vast majority of people on shyness/social anxiety sites want some kind of contact with other people. You wouldn’t be posting if you didn’t.
That’s the problem that’s always bugged me. You’ve got a personality, you’ve got some interests in life. You’re smart, you’re a good person, you’re all these things. You can talk on the computer for a long time. Your buddy list might be pretty big.
But there’s something missing. There’s something you’re uncomfortable about, or something in the way, and it’s blocking you from getting out and moving on.
I think that’s why a lot of shyness advice on the web doesn’t stick. You know all the advice. Go out and meet people. Join a group. Try something new. Invite someone out. You know it, but there’s all these objections in the way. You’re just conviced that there’s something wrong with you.
I think for a lot of people, the problem isn’t “shyness” or that there’s something wrong with you. Maybe you’re just self conscious. Maybe you haven’t developed the right social skills. Maybe you’re finding your place in the world.
The more I think about it, the more I just can’t believe how quick the world is to judge someone. You’re weird. You don’t fit in. I don’t think he fits in.
How often do you hear that vs, “maybe he’s just finding his place in the world”. Maybe he’s just discovering who he is. I hope everyone reading this takes a deep breath, and says to themselves….there’s nothing wrong with me. Nothing is permanent or absolute. Things will move on.
-Start to reduce irrational fears. You’re going to make it in life. The average life expectancy in the US is about 77. If you’re healthy, if you’re a good driver, if you don’t smoke, etc….you could live into your 80’s, 90’s, maybe even 100.
My guess is that a lot of people with shyness/social anxiety (so bad that it hurts your quality of life) are fearful of the world in some sense. Afraid of confrontation, afraid someone is out to get you, afraid this is going to happen, afraid that’s going to happen.
The internet and the media can really amplify your fears. The net can be really dark, and weird when you’re down (it’s dark and weird anyways). You end up finding reasons to back up your fears and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
TV and the media have just gone insane with negativity. I don’t see how anyone can take it seriously, it’s not reality. It what sells. The #1 rule in journalism is, “if it bleeds it leads”.
If you took this stuff seriously, it’s like the end of the world out there. Bird flu is going to wipe everyone out, the hackers are out to get you, the identity thieves and scammers are going to ruin your life, the scary looking murderer on the 11 0’clock news is going to get me….Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (I’m under the covers as I type, who can take any chances out there??). Joking aside….all this can severly limit your life if you’re already in a hole.
It assumes you can’t handle anything. If I can handle the problem, why do I even need to hear about it? Of course news directors don’t think like that. Why would they?
Stop taking everything as a personal attack on who you are. Develop a core belief that says everything is going to be ok. This is a mental muscle that you’re going to have to flex.
Nothing should be attacking you. Nothing should be threatning you. Your self esteem shouldn’t be on the line every time you talk to someone.
If you want to feel better socially and around people, remember, there’s nothing wrong. Nothing is out of place.
I’m sure you’ve noticed this when you’re around really outgoing people. There’s nothing wrong.
I’ve learned this so much but, people follow your lead. If you don’t think there’s anything wrong, there’s nothing wrong. "
http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/lifebackontrack.html[/u]
