In a rut. Need advice.

Resurrection

Resurrection

Active member
Hello everyone. This is my first post here. Glad to meet you all. I've had SA for a few years now. At least, severe SA. My main issue is blushing, and a fear of it, however my fears extend beyond that. I just recently built a computer, but running out of money. Down to a few bucks, and can't afford internet anymore.
My parents will not pay for it either, as they want me to find work. So you understand the dilemma. It's basically a vicious cycle of having SA, which prevents me from working or going out period, which then causes SA to grow. I can't bring myself to work or go out at all. I've told my parents I have it, they really don't take it seriously. Insisting I'm lazy, or I caused the problem. I know I can choose to have exposure, but it's almost impossible to deal with when you have a severe anxiety disorder. I didn't choose this.
So I need money to support myself, make myself happier, but I have no platform to help me take the first step. I've already seen a therapist. A good anxiety therapist. However he told me to just apply, and turn them down (basically showing I have power, and control). This doesn't stop the blushing issue, nor the fear of humiliation. Any help is appreciated.
 
B

BlazeBlue

Active member
Resurrection said:
Hello everyone. This is my first post here. Glad to meet you all. I've had SA for a few years now. At least, severe SA. My main issue is blushing, and a fear of it, however my fears extend beyond that. I just recently built a computer, but running out of money. Down to a few bucks, and can't afford internet anymore.
My parents will not pay for it either, as they want me to find work. So you understand the dilemma. It's basically a vicious cycle of having SA, which prevents me from working or going out period, which then causes SA to grow. I can't bring myself to work or go out at all. I've told my parents I have it, they really don't take it seriously. Insisting I'm lazy, or I caused the problem. I know I can choose to have exposure, but it's almost impossible to deal with when you have a severe anxiety disorder. I didn't choose this.
So I need money to support myself, make myself happier, but I have no platform to help me take the first step. I've already seen a therapist. A good anxiety therapist. However he told me to just apply, and turn them down (basically showing I have power, and control). This doesn't stop the blushing issue, nor the fear of humiliation. Any help is appreciated.
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Sorry to hear of your situation. Have you thought of offering your own service on job search websites (such as data entry, virtual assistance, computer expert, etc.)? I'd say since you built a computer that means you're more knowledgeable than most of the population. You can offer that knowledge for a price (fixing/troubleshooting computer for neighbors, etc.). All they have to do is to drop their computers off at your house and come pick it up when you're done. Very minimal interactions there. At least these job will give you temporary income while you're searching for a stable job. If life doesn't give you opportunity, you can create opportunity for yourself (and design it to fit your own personality). Don't gloat over your anxiety. Take actions now.

I was in a rut before, looking for jobs for over 5 years. I hated the process and the feeling when I got rejected. So I started a blog a few months back and looked into online business. Check out my blog for some tips on beating anxiety. I also did a review on a great audio book that I think will help with self confidence and social interactions.

Best wishes, you can do it!
 
Resurrection

Resurrection

Active member
Hey thanks a lot buddy. You've helped me consider those options to a greater extent now. Going for a writing process and hoping to make it. If not its back to the drawing board. Thanks.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
when i read your post, I honestly felt like I was reading something I just wrote. It hit home so hard. I have to start applying for work myself very soon because my parents demand that I work.... can't blame them because i'm 30 and should have accomplished more in life than what I have. The main difference is I never told them about my issues as they would feel like it was somehow their fault and there would also be this issue like it isn't really there and that i'm maybe making a big deal out of nothing. It's not easy and I wish i could offer you some words of encouragement but I'm trying to figure it out myself. I guess do what I am about to do. Take a chance no matter how much the anxiety holds you back. Just tell yourself that at least once I will choose to follow through on applying for one job regardless of how I will feel. I think both you and I could muster that much if we really give it our all. Best of luck to you. Who knows maybe one day we will get there
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Even though it seems horrible, blushing doesn't have to be so bad once you realize that people don't really care if you blush. Some might say something about it, to which you can just say you're feeling warm or you get red easily. BlazeBlue's advice was pretty good.
 
Requiescat

Requiescat

Well-known member
Take it from someone who was housebound: You do not want to be cut off. As hard as it will be to face up to employment, if you shy away fom it altogether, you are guaranteed to regress to levels you never thought were humanly possible. If you think you are under pressure now, think again. Having to completely rebuild every aspect of yourself after having been isolated like that is beyond a nightmare. I cannot believe what you therapist told you either. It makes me ashamed to say I studied psychology.
 
Resurrection

Resurrection

Active member
Thanks for the replies guys. Defiance, you're right. We have to do it eventually or else we'll stay in one place forever. I was thinking of just applying to my friends work, and if they turn me down, so what. If they want me to come in for an interview and possible training I might not have the courage to go through with it, but just applying isn't too bad. One step at a time. Going back to therapy again is the most important thing though. Then I can use some new tools and thinking styles to go through with the interview if I get it. Req, I know the housebound feeling. I've been at home for 3 years now, barely going out at all. It's brutal hell. I can't do it anymore. Especially with no money now. It's driving me mad. And thanks by the way. You understand how I felt about my therapist. I think the guy just tried to offer what he thought best, but going by common sense, one with SA, should take baby steps being in public first. Changing your thought patterns while doing so. That's true cbt.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Resurrection said:
Thanks for the replies guys. Defiance, you're right. We have to do it eventually or else we'll stay in one place forever. I was thinking of just applying to my friends work, and if they turn me down, so what. If they want me to come in for an interview and possible training I might not have the courage to go through with it, but just applying isn't too bad. One step at a time. Going back to therapy again is the most important thing though. Then I can use some new tools and thinking styles to go through with the interview if I get it. Req, I know the housebound feeling. I've been at home for 3 years now, barely going out at all. It's brutal hell. I can't do it anymore. Especially with no money now. It's driving me mad. And thanks by the way. You understand how I felt about my therapist. I think the guy just tried to offer what he thought best, but going by common sense, one with SA, should take baby steps being in public first. Changing your thought patterns while doing so. That's true cbt.
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Best of luck to you. Believe me I know exactly what you are going through and the most simple of steps are the most intense and difficult for people like us. That is why, just like you said, baby steps is what we need to take here and eventually we will get there. Hope the next time you write on the topic of work it will be to tell us how tired you are because you had to put in 40 plus hours in a week :bigsmile:. Again best of luck to you on your journey.
 
Resurrection

Resurrection

Active member
defiance said:
Best of luck to you. Believe me I know exactly what you are going through and the most simple of steps are the most intense and difficult for people like us. That is why, just like you said, baby steps is what we need to take here and eventually we will get there. Hope the next time you write on the topic of work it will be to tell us how tired you are because you had to put in 40 plus hours in a week :bigsmile:. Again best of luck to you on your journey.
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Thanks a lot man. Will do. Just have to take my time, see where things go I guess. I can change my perception, learn to deal with things better. Maybe then I could finally start working.
I'll get back to you on it.
 
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