In college, feeling alone and isolated

Hi, I read somewhere that talking about your anxieties could help in handling them. so here my story

I'm sophomore at college, high achieving nerd .I can't socialize, I'm repulsed by being around strangers, which leads me to being Isolated from everyone. I'm insecure with my weight and the way I look. So I keep to my self and avoid going outside unless I need to. It just sucks. I tried to make my self do it but even the simplest things can crush me. I over analyze , over think everything and absolutely can not handle rejection from anyone in anyway. I only ever had one best friend at high school, but I left to take a scholarship at the US two years ago. I regreted taking it ever since , I could never make another friend like him, or any friends for that. He is still my best friend to this day and we chat all the time, its just not the same.

I have never been good at making friends, got picked on all my life. My mom died when I was two , my father remarried leading to years of fighting and family drama. Hence I wasn't allowed to go outside much, nor did I wanted to. I was always alone, through out my life up until high school. when I remember the times that my cousins and my step brothers and sisters would gang up on me because they knew I had no one to have my back my body starts to hurt. I only had one real friend, and he is on the other side of the planet. I try to pore my self in studying but I can't help but feel depressed. Its just hard for me to make my self vulnerable, because if I do so and got any negative feedback I get into a state of depression that lasts for months.

Its sad to admit but I envy people around me who have close friends, makes me regret leaving home.


I can't talk about this to anyone, but I feel better venting about it here, maybe someone is going through the same thing.

You're not alone in being alone, trust me. Maybe try putting yourself out there more, don't listen to those negative thoughts, rejection happens to everyone but think of it in this way, when you're learning something new there will be setbacks. People don't know you the way you do yourself, those negative comments aren't objective, they're biased. If you keep meeting new people, you'll have some great friends one day, you'll meet no so good people too but it'll lead to some nice people. If your weight's bothering you, maybe try and get in better shape. I think nerds are awesome, if I had a nerd friend, I would've never let them go. But it doesn't mean you can't work in other areas of life. I know its hard, give yourself time, it can get better. I'm sorry about your experience. Good luck!

I'm struggling with this issue myself. However, i cannot imagine the stress and pain you are going through. Personally, sleeping enough is the bottom line for me. Having a less stressful schedule helps with it too.