In Love With A Resident

anxiousmess

Well-known member
Hi all

Please I would prefer no judgements. But I know some people are going to be honest.

I realized today that I am in love with one of my clients.

His always been an isolated person since I started my job two years ago. Has had severe panic attacks outside which prevents him from attending outside activities. Especially as his a young man who is living within my care home I am working in. He shouldn't be living there and will eventually be moved out. One of the conditions for him to live there is to attend more activities outside. He is now going out more and I have been determined to help him to get out more. Slowly over the two years, we have managed to grow a bond. We have been talking and I have been encouraging him which has finally paid off. He is going out more now. These days, it usually takes me to go with him for him to go out. He will make plans with the other staff but once the anxiety kicks in, he bails out and won't go. But if he makes plans with me, he will go.

He has always been able to confide in me with concerns and things he doesn't feel he can talk to the other staff about.

I have always felt this pull towards him. Like wanting to care but at the beginning I kept in the back of my mind, that I am doing a job and I have to maintain being professional. But over time, that slipped away.

It's hard to explain and I really don't know how I managed to do more than I should be doing in my job. But I feel in the time that we have developed a bond, there is love on both sides. We find ourselves wanting to be with each other all the time even when he has a medical appointments. When I do go with him, he has anxiety and I find myself wanting to comfort him, even if that is cuddling hands for reassurance for him. We feel happy when we are around each other. Like we bring out the best in each other.

Today he went to get a tooth taken out. I went with him. The doctors gave him something which caused him to be drowsy. He acted like he was drunk. He was really relaxed and laughing. He opened up by saying he feels like life isn't worth living sometimes. By the amount of homes he has lived in and taken out off, he feels no one wants him. I don't know why but the words came out of my mouth and I told him, he was wrong and I want him. On the way back, I held on to him because he was still a bit drowsy. But I found myself not wanting to let him go and I wanted to keep him safe.

A new member of staff has just joined the service and he has noticed some of this situation. He sat me down and asked me, what the relationship is between me and the client? I have reassured him that nothing physical has or nor will happen between myself and the client. But there are feelings for each other on both sides. He has warned me to be careful because I am supposed to be doing a professional job. Talking to the new staff helped me to realize the truth depth of the situation. I have jumped in without realizing or thinking that caring for someone could lead somewhere else.

I know I am in the wrong. I know I have allowed myself to over step that line when I should have backed away. I have abused my job and overstepped the boundaries. Right now I am strongly thinking about giving in my resignation because I have done wrong. I know it happens where patients fall in love with their carers and vice versa. But that is no excuse for me here.

I am planning to leave my job. I find myself sad for even leaving him behind. I don't want to lose contact with him.

Gosh, what a mess!
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
If you were to resign-- would you not be able to stay in contact with him?

I don't know about any of the moral or legal obligations but it just seems to me that being together would be fine if you weren't his caregiver or someone in a position of authority over him.
Afterall... you can't help who you fall for, right?
You *can* control what you do after falling, though... which is what you are doing by leaving your job.
 

TreeBones

Well-known member
If you were to resign-- would you not be able to stay in contact with him?

I don't know about any of the moral or legal obligations but it just seems to me that being together would be fine if you weren't his caregiver or someone in a position of authority over him.
Afterall... you can't help who you fall for, right?
You *can* control what you do after falling, though... which is what you are doing by leaving your job.

This ^....
 
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