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Old 04-07-2012  
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Default Incel/love shyness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecYpk...ature=youtu.be

The characteristics of incel/love shy men fits me to a t, i would almost be convinced this video is about me.

1) Severely inhibited, very very shy in asserting himself in informal social situations - check

2) Probably avoids bars and does not feel comfortable in parties - check, only ever been to one or two wedding parties though.

3) Probably suffer from passivity and unable to take responsibilty, leaves orginization to others and lets others dictate things - check, i let others make decisions and i never put any input in. When i had one or two friends i never came up with suggestions of where we should go.

4) Tend to avoid situation where there's no purpose other than pure unadulterated sociability - check, i wouldn't dream of going anywhere for the sole purpose of talking to people. For example i go to karate class, and gun club because i enjoy, socializing is a secondary aspect for me.

5) Go to vacation resorts but once there don't strike up introductions - check, last year i went on holiday to Slovenia alone and for the whole two weeks i hardly spoke other than to order food, once when i got the courage to ask two girls to take my photo, or when others would start talking to me. I always keep myself to myself. There's no use being told to go out and meet people because i keep to myself.

What he also mentions is that ''they are there in body but not in spirit''...That's how i feel everywhere, i am immersed in my own world and i feel invisible.

''Let off some steam Bennett!'' (Arnold shwarznegger one liner from Commando)
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Old 04-07-2012  
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Default Re: Incel/love shyness

Love-Shyness was the initial reason I joined this forum.

However, I'm starting to doubt whether I actually have it because I think it's just general anxiety around women and sex, and it's not something I always avoid.
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Old 04-07-2012  
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Default Re: Incel/love shyness

sounds like me except I'm a female -_-
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Old 04-12-2012  
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Default Re: Incel/love shyness

Check, 5 times.

But sometimes it is difficult to tell, what it is. Nowadays psychologists invent new names, and tend to specialize problems. But the symptoms, in truth, are more correlated and connected together.
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Old 04-12-2012  
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Default Re: Incel/love shyness

Quote:
Originally Posted by recluse View Post

5) Go to vacation resorts but once there don't strike up introductions - check, last year i went on holiday to Slovenia alone and for the whole two weeks i hardly spoke other than to order food, once when i got the courage to ask two girls to take my photo, or when others would start talking to me. I always keep myself to myself. There's no use being told to go out and meet people because i keep to myself.
That video is right about a lot of things, but this last theory (number 5) is ridiculous. Most people don't go to vacation resorts alone and strike up conversations with the opposite sex. Most people go to vacation resorts with other people, be it family, friends or a significant other.

To say someone is love-shy for not going on vacations alone and talking to random strangers is incorrect imo.

As for me, I don't know if I really consider myself love shy. I am not a virgin anymore and am capable of meeting women in person through online dating. I am shy, obviously, but the way Gilmartin describes love-shyness, I'm not sure if I'm that extreme. It seems his version of love-shy means that a guy always avoids women entirely.

I think Mikey may be right. It's when a guy always avoids women at all costs, then that's love shyness. Just because we have anxiety around women doesn't mean we are love shy, especially if we are around women at least occasionally.
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