Intimacy issues, anyone?

hi boys and girls,

lately i've been falling into the same behavioural pattern with the opposite sex. i will meet a lovely guy and grow fond of him and enjoy his company thuroughly - until we get cosier and kiss. suddenly i feel suffocated in his presence and loose all romantic interest in him fearing further intimacy. i don't want any tenderness to be exchanged, don't want to give myself away or for him to 'posses me'. i haven't been sexually attracted to any of the men i dated.

on the other hand i find myself perving at guys all the time and fantasising. my body is definately trying to tell me something. yet i'm not willing to have casual 'hook ups', can't get involved in meaningless things.
i just feel like i'm stuck in a frustrating loop of unfulfilled desires and massive intimacy issues.

any input appreciated

with me its trust issues too, I cant do anything without a loving caring understanding partner, tried without that last year and it messed me up alot, demons came back from my past, got very depressed about it, definatly bout trust with me too.

infact I'd say now I've gone off sex, last few GFs I've had I've really not enjoyed it, infact not enjoyed it for about 10 years now

then again, I've not been "inlove" with anyone during that time

I actually prefer hugs and cuddles these days, sad eh?

harvey said:

There is more than you body involved in having sex. You have to be mentally and emotionally in tune as well. I would think is something is out of sync you won't like it with possible regrets.


I'm curious though. You say you aren't sexually attracted to any of the men you dated. Were you attracted to them before the dating?

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it seems as though i'm incapable of projecting sexual desires onto guys that i like and appreciate as people, so no i haven't been sexually attracted to them before we were dating. could instant attraction be the missing link?

but the root of attraction does not lie within sexuality for me so there have only been a handful of guys in my life that i wanted to devour in the physical and emotional sense from the moment that i met them.
eroticsm unfolds rather slowly..

funnily enough trust hasn't been as issue with those men, they have proved to be lovable, kind and devoted people, hoping to start serious relationships with me. but in my past relationships i was plagued by mistrust. once i invest my heart in someone i worry about rejection and being betrayed. the bigger the fear of losing them the more i loved them. my love fed off my inferiority complex.

Remus said:

I actually prefer hugs and cuddles these days, sad eh?

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Yeah, that is what my virgin GF prefer 4 over a month and a half now. She loves me, I love her, we cuddle and cuddle and kiss and touch and when it comes to penetretion .....even oral sex is disgusting 4 her....

The thing is u get terrible testicle pains afterwards that last like 6 hours if u don't do the thing all the way if u know what i mean. I still wonder, how many girls know that ? :? So this is in the name of all of us: IT HURTS, we can barely walk.

I told her and by the time she is ready 2 do it right I will do cuddling and kissing.....oh my balls :lol:

ps:this is not a joke