Is it better when people KNOW you're socially anxious?

Iseesky

Well-known member
Do you think it's better to tell people when you're feeling anxious or to keep it from them?

Very rarely do I tell people when I'm uncomfortable. I don't like seeming weak. I don't talk about my anxiety despite it being a huge part of my daily life. People know I'm quite shy, but nobody knows I'm constantly struggling with anxiety. My parents know, but none of my friends really do. I'm great at hiding it.

My friends are really into the clubbing scene and it's just simply not me. It makes me SO uncomfortable (as you can imagine). But, I don't tell them this. I don't think they'd judge me for it, but I feel like they might treat me differently. And they don't have anxiety...Would they even understand if I did tell them?

Either way, I always wonder if my life would be easier if they did know. Maybe they wouldn't expect so much of me. And sometimes I feel like I'm lying to myself and all of my friends and people I meet. I act like this friendly, social person, but I much prefer to be alone.

Are you open about your social anxiety (or anxieties/disorders in general)? Do your friends know? How close do people have to be to you before you tell them about it (if at all)?

EDIT: I only go clubbing with them on special occasions...ie their birthdays. I feel like that's something I should do for them...Even if it isn't something I like doing.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
I don't think I've told anyone but my family and boyfriend. My family are all pretty much SA, so it's easy for us to sit around and joke about it. My boyfriend tries really hard to accommodate me. Other than that, I don't feel a need to tell anyone else, nor much of an opportunity because I don't talk to others on more than a superficial level.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I never used to be open about my anxieties, as I just kept believing they didn't exist. Lately I've told a few people about it to varying responses. I'm getting more desperate about it so I have been letting people know how I am.

Do you go clubbing with them? If so, you should probably tell them it's not for you and not go anymore. It's obviously making you very uncomfortable so there's no need to prolong that.
 

pop-princess

Well-known member
Felt really good to tell my parents. They understood it completely.

I have told one friend about my issue. Actually she told me about her having some social anxiety before I relieved anything. I was surprised b/c I have always seen her as a very brave girl who always argue for her rights and doesn't take any ****. When I told her I was diagnosed with SP she was like 'You? Nooo'. I thought it was obvious.

To my other friends I don't want to be perceived as weak.

I'm regretting now so much that I never told any of my teachers of my problems. I was scared of that too, to talk face to face to a teacher.
 

jonas89

Well-known member
This is how it went out for me, when I let them in my shell.
They didn't judge me or anything but they showed a lot of understanding or at least tried for those who don't understand anxiety or depression, by telling them this is maybe the best cure that has happened for my SA. I don't have to constantly be wondering what they are thinking and it helps A LOT knowing that they know what Im going trough and they are also really proud for my hand for all the hard work that I have set into this to dig my way out of this hell hole, now days they often look for my advise when they are in emotional trouble and some of them have anxiety or depression up to some point. So by telling your friends can make the difference not only for you but also for them, doesn't make any difference whether they are party animals or not.
If they are really your true friends I personally thing they deserve to know, and true friends will understand :)
 

Thundercats

Well-known member
I used to try to hide it, but people usually noticed pretty quickly that i'm socially anxious because of the fact I hardly talk and avoid eye contact.

But i've given up hiding my anxiety, it's easier this way, even though now people don't want to be around me.

So it's not really better that people know i'm anxious, but it's the easiest way.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
In my experience, it doesn't seem to matter if they know about it or not. Them knowing about it doesn't stop them from rejecting me because of it.
 

Piece_By_Piece

Well-known member
I don't think I've told anyone but my family and boyfriend. My family are all pretty much SA, so it's easy for us to sit around and joke about it. My boyfriend tries really hard to accommodate me. Other than that, I don't feel a need to tell anyone else, nor much of an opportunity because I don't talk to others on more than a superficial level.

Wow, that's pretty amazing really, I mean, that you can talk to your own family members about it and they can relate to it.

I personally never told anyone, but I think my mom kind of knows, but nobody else does. But many people, like my 'friends', give me that pitying look but say nothing, and it hurts and annoys the heck out of me at the same time.
 

Necrucifer

Well-known member
I've told some people when it got to the point they were starting to think somethings wrong with me but it didnt change how they acted and still didnt wanna hang out or make excuses so...not really for me.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
Do you think it's better to tell people when you're feeling anxious or to keep it from them?

This is something I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. It might not be a bad idea at all to let others know that I am struggling. People are not as callous as they seem sometimes and they understand. It would probably make me feel less alone and would make me relax better in social situations with these people.

Are you open about your social anxiety (or anxieties/disorders in general)? Do your friends know? How close do people have to be to you before you tell them about it (if at all)?

I have not been open about my social anxiety, and I am not sure if I would use that term with other people. It makes me feel like they will interpret it as being "socially inept" which is sorta true, but I guess I am just too proud to admit to that.

I have been open about other things, and for the most part it was always a good experience.

I never used to be open about my anxieties, as I just kept believing they didn't exist. Lately I've told a few people about it to varying responses. I'm getting more desperate about it so I have been letting people know how I am.

I am in the same place. Little by little I have been more open about my struggles. I told my mother and sister about it. They don't fully understand, but it sure felt good to get it out.

I'm regretting now so much that I never told any of my teachers of my problems. I was scared of that too, to talk face to face to a teacher.

I haven't been in school in five years, but I still regret not telling my professors in college and teachers in high school about this. It would have made things so much better. At the time though, I did not fully realize it was an actual problem. If I go back to school it will be something I will let them know about from the start. This new tactic could result in a very different experience from the one I had, which was terrible.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Everyone in my family knows-- anyone who knows me knows, really.
Doesn't change anything.
I'll remove myself from the situation if I don't want to be there; but no one really cares either way.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
This is how it went out for me, when I let them in my shell.
They didn't judge me or anything but they showed a lot of understanding or at least tried for those who don't understand anxiety or depression, by telling them this is maybe the best cure that has happened for my SA. I don't have to constantly be wondering what they are thinking and it helps A LOT knowing that they know what Im going trough and they are also really proud for my hand for all the hard work that I have set into this to dig my way out of this hell hole, now days they often look for my advise when they are in emotional trouble and some of them have anxiety or depression up to some point. So by telling your friends can make the difference not only for you but also for them, doesn't make any difference whether they are party animals or not.
If they are really your true friends I personally thing they deserve to know, and true friends will understand :)

That is wonderful! I agree that talking about this issue can really help us. Shame is a big part of it, and we let others know it would chip away at that a bit. Thanks for sharing!
 

Astronaut

Member
I have been thinking about being telling people about it, but haven’t really done it yet. In most situations i'm very good at seeming normal and that has been the goal for a large part of my life, just to appear normal. I have been hiding so many things about myself and I’m really sick of it. I have also realized that it is properly better if people know me and don’t like me rather than if they don’t know me at all.

I think being open about your weaknesses and troubles is one of the most courageous things you can do, and I admire people who are. And I think that if you stand by every aspect of who you are, then people will at least respect you for that, even if they don’t respect you for anything else.

I know it will be hard for me to start talking to people about my anxiety, but I’m sure that their reactions won’t be as bad as I fear. I thought jonas89’s story was very inspiring as well.
 

NP88

Well-known member
Ive told my sister. I'm not sure if I regret it. She just doesn't understand as much as she trys. It's a difficult problem to communicate to someone.
 

coyote

Well-known member
I have been thinking about being telling people about it, but haven’t really done it yet. In most situations i'm very good at seeming normal and that has been the goal for a large part of my life, just to appear normal. I have been hiding so many things about myself and I’m really sick of it. I have also realized that it is properly better if people know me and don’t like me rather than if they don’t know me at all.

I think being open about your weaknesses and troubles is one of the most courageous things you can do, and I admire people who are. And I think that if you stand by every aspect of who you are, then people will at least respect you for that, even if they don’t respect you for anything else.

I know it will be hard for me to start talking to people about my anxiety, but I’m sure that their reactions won’t be as bad as I fear. I thought jonas89’s story was very inspiring as well.

fb_bt_awesome.jpg
 

megalon

Well-known member
I'm very open about it (or at least as open as someone who has social anxiety could be). I think it's better that people know there's a normal person hidden underneath instead of just assuming I'm some kind of weirdo. Whenever I get the "why are you so quiet?" question, I have no shame about telling anyone.
 
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jonas89

Well-known member
That is wonderful! I agree that talking about this issue can really help us. Shame is a big part of it, and we let others know it would chip away at that a bit. Thanks for sharing!

My pleasure :) It's heavy to carry our own coffin alone, it's easier to have someone to carry it with ya.
 

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Wow, that's pretty amazing really, I mean, that you can talk to your own family members about it and they can relate to it.

I know, I feel very lucky that I have such a large support group who can relate to all of my social difficulties. We are pretty much all each other's best friends.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
This is how it went out for me, when I let them in my shell.
They didn't judge me or anything but they showed a lot of understanding or at least tried for those who don't understand anxiety or depression, by telling them this is maybe the best cure that has happened for my SA. I don't have to constantly be wondering what they are thinking and it helps A LOT knowing that they know what Im going trough and they are also really proud for my hand for all the hard work that I have set into this to dig my way out of this hell hole, now days they often look for my advise when they are in emotional trouble and some of them have anxiety or depression up to some point. So by telling your friends can make the difference not only for you but also for them, doesn't make any difference whether they are party animals or not.
If they are really your true friends I personally thing they deserve to know, and true friends will understand :)
That's awesome! I think it's better to let your friends know.
 
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