Is there anything wrong with not being physically intimate?

FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I don't think it's necessarily a fear I have against with touching/hugging someone sometimes, but lately I've been around guys I've been talking to or maybe seen briefly. Now, as strange as I am, I'm not what you call the flirtatious type of girl. As in, I'm not open/spontaneous, and please nobody take this as rude if I sound like it, but I don't smile at someone I see as a way of expressing my interest towards them. It's not that I never smile at people, but I also am not a very touchy person. I can have regular conversations with a guy as if we are both siblings or if I'm a guy myself just being casual. It's no surprise myself I was never really girly to begin with or flirts with a lot of guys I see. In fact, I guess because a lot of people are so drawn to my appearance, they end up somewhat disappointed when I reveal my personality. Now to them, I am "physically beautiful" "pretty" on the outside and that's the only thing they notice. It's as if my appearance deceives others to lead them to believe I'm probably this outgoing, lovable, intelligent, girl. I think it's because the fact that my personality doesn't match up with the way I look like.

I'm not who a lot of people believe to think I am. Sometimes I think that I'm a guy living inside of a girl's body, weird as that sounds. When it comes down to being intimate with others, guys especially, I don't have the desire to do it. I try not lead guys on to think that I want something more from them or arouse them in any way. Things like brushing their arms, putting my hand on their leg(I never did that), joking in a flirty way, even compliments. Now, there are few occasions I will compliment a guy that might come off as if I'm flirty, but I'm really just messing around/being friendly. I don't make long eye contact with a guy either when I'm talking to them, like stare into his eyes. I don't want everyone to think I'm this girl who "has it all" or the girl everyone wants. I don't want to be that kind of person. I admit that I have flaws about myself and I can be clumsy/careless sometimes. My looks say nothing about my personality. Well, I know that most of the things I wrote here don't make a lot of sense and it might've sounded a lot like a rant. I know that it'll be hard for others to relate to this but I hope there isn't anything wrong if I don't flirt with someone I'm around with.
 
Jessquietgirl

Jessquietgirl

Well-known member
FriendlyShadow said:
I don't think it's necessarily a fear I have against with touching/hugging someone sometimes, but lately I've been around guys I've been talking to or maybe seen briefly. Now, as strange as I am, I'm not what you call the flirtatious type of girl. As in, I'm not open/spontaneous, and please nobody take this as rude if I sound like it, but I don't smile at someone I see as a way of expressing my interest towards them. It's not that I never smile at people, but I also am not a very touchy person. I can have regular conversations with a guy as if we are both siblings or if I'm a guy myself just being casual. It's no surprise myself I was never really girly to begin with or flirts with a lot of guys I see. In fact, I guess because a lot of people are so drawn to my appearance, they end up somewhat disappointed when I reveal my personality. Now to them, I am "physically beautiful" "pretty" on the outside and that's the only thing they notice. It's as if my appearance deceives others to lead them to believe I'm probably this outgoing, lovable, intelligent, girl. I think it's because the fact that my personality doesn't match up with the way I look like.

I'm not who a lot of people believe to think I am. Sometimes I think that I'm a guy living inside of a girl's body, weird as that sounds. When it comes down to being intimate with others, guys especially, I don't have the desire to do it. I try not lead guys on to think that I want something more from them or arouse them in any way. Things like brushing their arms, putting my hand on their leg(I never did that), joking in a flirty way, even compliments. Now, there are few occasions I will compliment a guy that might come off as if I'm flirty, but I'm really just messing around/being friendly. I don't make long eye contact with a guy either when I'm talking to them, like stare into his eyes. I don't want everyone to think I'm this girl who "has it all" or the girl everyone wants. I don't want to be that kind of person. I admit that I have flaws about myself and I can be clumsy/careless sometimes. My looks say nothing about my personality. Well, I know that most of the things I wrote here don't make a lot of sense and it might've sounded a lot like a rant. I know that it'll be hard for others to relate to this but I hope there isn't anything wrong if I don't flirt with someone I'm around with.
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I'm socially retarded when it comes to romantic interests and yes, I do end up disappointing a lot of people for that.
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
Jessquietgirl said:
I'm socially retarded when it comes to romantic interests and yes, I do end up disappointing a lot of people for that.
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I'm so sorry, Jessquietgirl. :( *hugs* I don't really have good social skills myself, but like I've said in previous threads, I think I'd rather prefer my solitude more than anything else right now, which is kind of sad. But what can you do? I think it's because I do tend to act a lot like my father, both in mannerisms and personality traits. I'm not what you call the flirty type, someone who likes to show off revealing clothing or someone who is likely to cheat in relationships. I don't try to lead guys on either because I don't want to put pressure on both me and on them. I think, to be honest, I'm trying to decide whether I even want a relationship or not. It's been 19 years now, I feel my time is closing in slowly, and after everything I've been through, I think relationships would just pile more stress on me to carry. I don't want to be seen as girl next door type, like someone is trying to make other girls feel jealous because I'm different. I'm just a human being, I'm just doing me. Hell, I don't want to be a model either even if some people would compliment me as that. If I ever did modeling, I'd actually feel quite disgusted having to show off my body for the whole world to see and to make girls feel bad about themselves. That just isn't me.
 
Jessquietgirl

Jessquietgirl

Well-known member
FriendlyShadow said:
I'm so sorry, Jessquietgirl. :( *hugs* I don't really have good social skills myself, but like I've said in previous threads, I think I'd rather prefer my solitude more than anything else right now, which is kind of sad. But what can you do? I think it's because I do tend to act a lot like my father, both in mannerisms and personality traits. I'm not what you call the flirty type, someone who likes to show off revealing clothing or someone who is likely to cheat in relationships. I don't try to lead guys on either because I don't want to put pressure on both me and on them. I think, to be honest, I'm trying to decide whether I even want a relationship or not. It's been 19 years now, I feel my time is closing in slowly, and after everything I've been through, I think relationships would just pile more stress on me to carry. I don't want to be seen as girl next door type, like someone is trying to make other girls feel jealous because I'm different. I'm just a human being, I'm just doing me. Hell, I don't want to be a model either even if some people would compliment me as that. If I ever did modeling, I'd actually feel quite disgusted having to show off my body for the whole world to see and to make girls feel bad about themselves. That just isn't me.
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Being honest is sometimes the best way to solve things. I don't like to lead guys on and hurt their feelings. From my experience, it's best to warn potential romantic interests upfront that I'm not who they think I am. They have a right to know that I suffer from a mental disorder. That way I won't come across as fake or deceiving. Not everyone is understanding about social anxiety. That's why most guys can't handle it. They only like what's on the outside unfortunately. Even though people think I'm good looking now that I'm slender, I don't want to date shallow people who only see that side of me. I'm only human after all. I'm not perfect. I think before getting into a relationship, one needs to improve on oneself and explore what life has to offer first. Society forces people to be in relationships because that will make you happy but sometimes it doesn't. It's not a guarantee that a relationship will make you happy. It's a lot of hard work and sacrifice and it will not always be rainbows and unicorns. I suppose it's best to weigh your options before diving in that way you won't get emotionally bruised.
 
dannyboy65

dannyboy65

Well-known member
I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to touch or anything like that. Me personally I find it hard to touch anyone. I have autism and the sensory in my skin is enhanced so a touch on my skin from someone is a lot to take in. So I only choose the closest of people aloud to touch me. My parents aren't even on the list, hell right now as I think of it I don't think really anyone is on the list. To me when someone touches me it feels like a zap it's so sensitive that if I watch someone have their arm rubbed by someone or something like that I get the zap and believe me it confuses me.

But yea I can see where you come from I'm the same way :)
 
Louco

Louco

Well-known member
FriendlyShadow said:
I'm not what you call the flirtatious type of girl.
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I always thought you were a guy because of the avatar... Now I'm here thinking about possible things I've told you that I wouldn't if I knew better. :p

I have a question, though. Do you never feel the need for sex, or some less sexual-like kind of affection, like a hug, cuddling, a gentle stroke on your hair, these kind of things? I'm not asking if you feel like wanting these things consciously though, but more as a biological need, like hunger or thirst.
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
Louco said:
I always thought you were a guy because of the avatar... Now I'm here thinking about possible things I've told you that I wouldn't if I knew better. :p

I have a question, though. Do you never feel the need for sex, or some less sexual-like kind of affection, like a hug, cuddling, a gentle stroke on your hair, these kind of things? I'm not asking if you feel like wanting these things consciously though, but more as a biological need, like hunger or thirst.
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Yeah, I only put up that avatar because I really like the musician from Radiohead. I think because I can relate to his social awkwardness/introvertedness. I didn't actually know it may have confused others about which gender type I am, sorry for the confusion. But that's besides the point.

As for the other question, well, I'm in between most of the times when it comes to physical intimacy. It's not that I have no libido, I'm just naturally not a flirtatious person. Of course, there will sometimes be sexual images that occur in my mind and that's how I'll get aroused easily. In fact, there's times when I don't want people to touch me. Around guys especially, I don't tend to flirt with them, such as touching them, complimenting them (maybe on few occasions), ect. I'm not so sure if I do want a relationship. I'm still trying to wait it out and see if there's anyone out there who can catch my interest, but guys who flirt with me, I don't flirt back with them. I just don't feel any kind of click, spark, or romantic feelings towards them. Maybe I should've made that clear in this thread as well. I think I might have better self control around the guys I'm not interested in because I just don't feel anything. With flirting, it comes across as very awkward for me to do it and I feel as if I'm going out of my character. I know that that isn't who I'm like. I'm not popular, outgoing, rich, or flirty so I shouldn't have to pretend to keep putting up a front for people.
 
Louco

Louco

Well-known member
FriendlyShadow said:
Yeah, I only put up that avatar because I really like the musician from Radiohead. I think because I can relate to his social awkwardness/introvertedness. I didn't actually know it may have confused others about which gender type I am, sorry for the confusion. But that's besides the point.
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Funny thing, I didn't recognize him, but I had Paranoid Android in my head just about now. Ok Computer was one of the soundtracks of my life when I was in college.

FriendlyShadow said:
As for the other question, well, I'm in between most of the times when it comes to physical intimacy. It's not that I have no libido, I'm just naturally not a flirtatious person. Of course, there will sometimes be sexual images that occur in my mind and that's how I'll get aroused easily. In fact, there's times when I don't want people to touch me. Around guys especially, I don't tend to flirt with them, such as touching them, complimenting them (maybe on few occasions), ect. I'm not so sure if I do want a relationship. I'm still trying to wait it out and see if there's anyone out there who can catch my interest, but guys who flirt with me, I don't flirt back with them. I just don't feel any kind of click, spark, or romantic feelings towards them. Maybe I should've made that clear in this thread as well. I think I might have better self control around the guys I'm not interested in because I just don't feel anything. With flirting, it comes across as very awkward for me to do it and I feel as if I'm going out of my character. I know that that isn't who I'm like. I'm not popular, outgoing, rich, or flirty so I shouldn't have to pretend to keep putting up a front for people.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You are reserved when it comes to relationship, that's a virtue in my book actually. All women have some trouble dealing with guys flirting with them when they are not interested, especially when dealing with the most stubborn ones. You don't have to be flirty or anything else you don't want to be.

I can relate to your situation, my medication kinda sends my sexual needs to the back of my brain, so I'm hardly thinking about sex or getting into a relationship. But it's all there, sometimes those needs even come all of a sudden to the surface, which is good since it means there's nothing wrong with my hormones, and I can "wake" them whenever I want. But it's like you say, it seems like it would just bring more trouble.

Thinking about it now while I type this, it kinda sounds like we are dealing with relationships like some obligation or task we have to deal with. It's not. You know what, it's ok to be single, we should not worry about it too much. When someone who looks like a suitable person shows up, it will happen. And even if it doesn't, we will have more experience.

However, if I have learned anything about relationships, is that you shouldn't wait to be in love with the person. There's always the chance that the person does not feel the same, or is only going to mess around with you for some time without any care about your feelings. Observing what you are looking for with a clear mind without our feelings messing up our judgement, you know?
 
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