I've become obsessed with my girlfriend, can anyone help me?

Hero

Hero

Well-known member
I'm so messed up right now.

I'm a loner, I get attached very easily- I find it really hard to make friends at all. Then I met this really amazing girl. She lives far away and we maintain a long distance relationship (sucks right?) But now all my attention and emotion is on her.

She's been talking to me a lot less recently, and hanging out with her guy flatmate and talking about him a lot. It genuinely feels like she's hardly bothered about me. Now everyone time I'm talking to her, my heart is beating and I'm shaking all the time. I feel if she breaks up with me, I will die.

Nothing I do takes my mind off her. She's always at the back of my head. I'm always checking the phone. Noticing things aren't as good. And thinking that soon she'll turn around and say I don't love you anymore

I hurt so bad...I fell ill and an emotional wreck. What can I do?
 
Arthur_Dent

Arthur_Dent

1
I don't know what is the level of confidence between you two, or how easily is for you to tell her your feelings, but despite that I think you should discuss with her these feelings you're mentioning here. May be there's some changes you both can make to make both happier, may be she's herself not sure how much you care about her. Don't assume that talking with her about how you feel will make things worst, if anything, will make stronger the relationship Remember that sincerity is key on any relationship (not only romantic ones), so in the case that things don't turn out for good (which I hope it doesn't happen), at least you'll have done your part. My point is that the worst thing that you can do is to not say anything. If it goes well, awesome, in the other case, at least you won't have a suddenly and painful break up.
 
D

da_illest101

Well-known member
Not to be a downer, but I think you need to get some distance from her emotionally. The: She's been talking to me a lot less recently, and hanging out with her guy flatmate and talking about him a lot. It genuinely feels like she's hardly bothered about me. part is something that ... well not gonna end in your favor. In every single case I saw that it never ended up well, i'm talking from personal experience too.
 
S

SeniorRedrings

Banned
Ignore her and she shall be putty in your hands.
Chicks get less confident if they feel you're not thinking about them 24/7.
She will find that hanging out with her guy friend is no fun if you only text her to say you are meeting female friends for fun times.
Go sit in a library for most of the day and if she asks you where you been just talk incessantly about how fun "Janet" is and all the funny things "Janet" says.
Tell her "Janet" is Lesbian Bi-curious and point out how differently but only cooler "Janet" does her hair.
Let slip that "Janet" broke up with her long time GF because she became bored with the restrictions her sexuality imposed upon her and she's looking to have some fun.
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
Chicks get less confident if they feel you're not thinking about them 24/7.
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Oh right, make her less confident, so that neither of you are confident, that's a recipe for a happy relationship... not.

I know this, because I've been there. Do. Not. Do. That.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
I used to have the exact same problem.

In short, don't put all your confidence in one woman until you are sure that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together.

I was in one relationship and made the mistake of depending on her to stay with me even though we weren't in love. Of course, she broke up with me, and I didn't know how to handle it. What I failed to realize is that there are plenty of other women out there that I can get. The same goes for you.

I've found that knowing that there are other women out there will give you control over the woman in a good way. If she knows that you can just move on and get with the next woman that comes your way, it makes you more attractive, actually. It's the opposite of desperation and clingyness, which are bad qualities.

It's best to try to control your life and not let others control it.
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
Find ways to restore your confidence instead, if possible.

Find things to take your mind off her. I always find that my boyfriend becomes the centre of my universe, so I know this is hard, particularly if you have SA. But if you can keep yourself busy, you wont have so much time to fret.

Do keep reminding her of your love, although obviously don't over do it. She'll leave you even more quickly if she thinks you don't care than if she thinks you're being clingy.

It's possible that she will leave you anyway. Relationships are difficult, long distance ones more so. Try not to do what I do, and get so afraid of it ending that you end it to get it over with. And keeping yourself busy with other interests will help soften the blow if it does come.
 
S

SeniorRedrings

Banned
His main squeeze is over confident to the point of ignoring him,I am merely advising him on how to make her levelly confident.Not top heavy with dismissive smugness.
From treating her this way she will gain a new kind of confidence,the confidence to know that yes in fact she does want him to be her man.
Is it healthy for her to be obsessing over her friend like she is?
 
Aletheia

Aletheia

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
In short, don't put all your confidence in one woman until you are sure that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together.
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You get out of a relationship what you put into it. And you're never going to meet someone with a "yours forever" sign over her head. Put your all into every relationship you're in, because it will only be forever if you make it so.

sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like it's heaven on earth
 
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SeniorRedrings

Banned
Hero wants to get his self respect back.His self respect ability to care about someone.
We need to have our self respect to care about others.
His trust and his good nature are being violated.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
I wasn't saying you shouldn't put a lot into a relationship. I was just saying to know that you always have other options if you do break up, which most relationships do.
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
I know what you mean I get jelous of others talking to my bf and its what ends relationships.. Its supposely good to talk about it.. The choices are like be single and lonely or stressed and angry.. Haha just try to keep yourself interested in other things.. Youre a worthy person and your happiness has to come from other places.. Who knows you might get married but it doesnt mean eternal security it has to come from yourself..
 
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Dj SL

Dj SL

Well-known member
Social phobics fall in love very easy because they feel unloved. Once a social phobic get a gf or bf they feel loved; as a result, they want to keep the relationship 4ever. I think if I get a gf I will become obsessed too. But I know there are millions of girls out there :)
 
Hero

Hero

Well-known member
Thankyou all for the ideas.. I will maybe back down a bit to show that I'm not overly keen. and thanks for reminding there are other girls out there. I haven't been able to eat the past couple of days. It means so much that others understand this dilemma and how overwhelming acceptance and love is to someone with SA, and how losing it can really mess you up
 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
SeniorRedrings said:
Ignore her and she shall be putty in your hands.
Chicks get less confident if they feel you're not thinking about them 24/7.
She will find that hanging out with her guy friend is no fun if you only text her to say you are meeting female friends for fun times.
Go sit in a library for most of the day and if she asks you where you been just talk incessantly about how fun "Janet" is and all the funny things "Janet" says.
Tell her "Janet" is Lesbian Bi-curious and point out how differently but only cooler "Janet" does her hair.
Let slip that "Janet" broke up with her long time GF because she became bored with the restrictions her sexuality imposed upon her and she's looking to have some fun.
Click to expand...

I can see how you think this might work. But is it really the answer? If she's playing games with this guy, why does he need to play games in return?
that's what's wrong with relationships anyway...too much gameplaying and too much pride.

How about if OP just ASKS this girl what the deal is? Send her a message and be upfront with her about you're feeling.
THEN create some distance bc you definitely need it for your own mental health. Don't do it as part of some elaborate game play scheme...do it bc it will make you feel better after you get through the initial withdraw feelings of depression and emptiness.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
Agent_Violet said:
I can see how you think this might work. But is it really the answer? If she's playing games with this guy, why does he need to play games in return?
that's what's wrong with relationships anyway...too much gameplaying and too much pride.

How about if OP just ASKS this girl what the deal is? Send her a message and be upfront with her about you're feeling.
THEN create some distance bc you definitely need it for your own mental health. Don't do it as part of some elaborate game play scheme...do it bc it will make you feel better after you get through the initial withdraw feelings of depression and emptiness.
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Good post. I agree. Asserting oneself in a relationship is definitely a good idea. That's what a relationship is about, opening yourself up to the other person. Tell them how you really feel. Good stuff.
 
Ms Cloud

Ms Cloud

Well-known member
OceanMist said:
That's what a relationship is about, opening yourself up to the other person. Tell them how you really feel.
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Telling people how you really feel can also backfire horribly, making the rejection all the more painful. Every time I've ever "opened up" to anyone I've always regretted it, and felt foolish.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
Ms Cloud said:
Telling people how you really feel can also backfire horribly, making the rejection all the more painful. Every time I've ever "opened up" to anyone I've always regretted it, and felt foolish.
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How is the other person supposed to know how you feel if you never tell them how you feel?

I believe I have a problem with this. There was a woman I liked and I never got the guts to tell them how I felt about them. I regret that. I should have asserted myself. I think she may have gone out with me, too.
 
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