PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
She's leaning towards New York City. I feel like it'd be way too hectic for me, but I'd most likely just stay indoors anyway if I did go.
Journey of Jazz
- Thread starter PerseverareJasmine
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She's leaning towards New York City. I feel like it'd be way too hectic for me, but I'd most likely just stay indoors anyway if I did go.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Its 5:35 in the morning where I live, but I feel wide awake. I slept for a very long time earlier though, so I'm not surprised. I just ate beef flavored Ramen noodles with mushrooms in it. It was my first time trying that combination. I like it.
I wish I had the power of rewinding time, or maybe of skipping upcoming events. The closer it gets to the day I have to leave to go to Texarkana for the family reunion, the more nervous I'm getting about it.
I wish I had the power of rewinding time, or maybe of skipping upcoming events. The closer it gets to the day I have to leave to go to Texarkana for the family reunion, the more nervous I'm getting about it.
BlueDays
1
Ergh, just the words "Family Reunion" sends chills down my spine.
Do you have to go? Do you drink? I would be loading up on the wine just before the event if I was forced to go to something like that.:bigsmile:
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Ergh, just the words "Family Reunion" sends chills down my spine.
Do you have to go? Do you drink? I would be loading up on the wine just before the event if I was forced to go to something like that.:bigsmile:
Yeah, hearing the phrase "family reunion" automatically puts bad thoughts into my mind.
I live with my mom, and she doesn't want me to stay at home alone for four or five days, so I have to go. I think I'd be fine spending that amount of time alone here, but I can't convince her of that. I'm not legal to drink yet. I'll be feeling like this: :kickingmyself: the whole time.
Well, I guess since it doesn't seem like this is avoidable, the best thing you can do is try to distract yourself by thinking about other stuff instead. Preferably happier stuff. Easier said than done of course.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
You're right, it is easier said than done, but its what I'm going to have to do.
BlueDays
1
Yeah, I can understand she would be worried sick about you the whole time if you were alone for that length of time, you are lucky that you have a mother that cares about you so much.:thumbup:
That sucks not being legal age to drink. Good luck with it, and I hope it is not too unpleasant for you.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Yeah, I can understand she would be worried sick about you the whole time if you were alone for that length of time, you are lucky that you have a mother that cares about you so much.:thumbup:
That sucks not being legal age to drink. Good luck with it, and I hope it is not too unpleasant for you.
Thank you BlueDays. Hopefully it will seem to go by fast. The good food there will probably take my mind off of the horrible time I'll be having by a smidge :thumbup:.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Five days of being alone in the house would be so good. I would absolutely love it and it's too bad you can't take advantage.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Yeah, it would be great. Having the privacy and peace of being alone in the house would be nice. I've been home alone at night recently, because my mom has started seeing her boyfriend again and she's been going to his house for some nights, but I think having five days to myself would feel much more satisfying than just having some nights to myself.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I'm feeling stuffed right now. I had baked chicken, alfredo noodles, a salad, and baked beans for dinner. It tasted good, but I ate too much.
I was having some fun playing with my dog Spanky earlier. We sock wrestled and I let him do a few jumps through a hula hoop. I wonder if my dad is still thinking about getting another dog for Spanky to be able to play with. It might be a bit of a stretch when it comes to the money needed to take care of two dogs, but I think it'd be fun to have another dog around.
I was having some fun playing with my dog Spanky earlier. We sock wrestled and I let him do a few jumps through a hula hoop. I wonder if my dad is still thinking about getting another dog for Spanky to be able to play with. It might be a bit of a stretch when it comes to the money needed to take care of two dogs, but I think it'd be fun to have another dog around.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I had a nightmare about koala bears breaking into my house and attacking me, and I woke up panting. I don't think I've mentioned it on this forum, but I have a very deep fear of koala, and panda, bears. If I stumble upon a picture of them, I immediately freak out and begin to panic, and I have to get the picture away from me. Maybe I'll be able to go back to sleep later, but the chance of me going back to bed peacefully at the moment is unlikely.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Zombieland is on, yay. I forgot that it was going to be showing today and missed most of it though.
I can hear my mom snoring from where I'm sitting in the living room. A nap sounds nice to me right now, but I'll probably wait until the movie is over to take one.
I can hear my mom snoring from where I'm sitting in the living room. A nap sounds nice to me right now, but I'll probably wait until the movie is over to take one.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
I feel extremely uneasy right now because of something my mom did. Earlier today we got into a small argument about something silly, as usual. We had leftover food in the fridge that she told me she didn't really like the taste of the night before. So because I thought she didn't like it since she told me she didn't, I decided to eat what was left. It wasn't even a large amount of food, and she made a huge deal out of it. She told me "Why wouldn't you ask if I wanted any of it?" and I apologized to her and told her that she said she didn't even like the food. And it was only a small portion of pasta, not something to make a big deal out of at all.
So, I keep trying to apologize, and she keeps getting angrier and more irritated. Then she tells me "You're never considerate about my feelings!" "You make me so angry sometimes!", while she was cutting tomatoes in the kitchen. Then she told me if I ever do something like this again I'll be in trouble, and she ****ing raised the knife in her hand then slammed it down against the cutting board, as if she were making a stabbing gesture. What the ****? She could see on my face that I was freaked out. Then she starts actually ****ing smiling this weird smile and chuckling and she tells me "I'm just kidding Jasmine, god." What the ****ing hell? My mom's always had a dark sense of humor, but I don't think that's something a god damn mother should joke about with her kid. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I really didn't care at that point. I was creeped the **** out. I should be able to feel safe around my own mom, not intimidated and freaked out. I'm not sure what talking about it with someone would do. Its not like I have any proof about what she did that I could give to anyone. To them it would just seem like a bad joke or an empty threat.
I've been saying in here that I'm still unsure about moving to New York, but I know I need to get out of this house. Its not a healthy environment. If not New York, somewhere else, anywhere. I don't know how the **** I'm going to be able to move out though, but the sooner the better. I wish I could go live with my dad. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. This is so ****ing stupid. I feel like crying. I thought things were finally getting better between us, but she just keeps doing things to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what I can do.
So, I keep trying to apologize, and she keeps getting angrier and more irritated. Then she tells me "You're never considerate about my feelings!" "You make me so angry sometimes!", while she was cutting tomatoes in the kitchen. Then she told me if I ever do something like this again I'll be in trouble, and she ****ing raised the knife in her hand then slammed it down against the cutting board, as if she were making a stabbing gesture. What the ****? She could see on my face that I was freaked out. Then she starts actually ****ing smiling this weird smile and chuckling and she tells me "I'm just kidding Jasmine, god." What the ****ing hell? My mom's always had a dark sense of humor, but I don't think that's something a god damn mother should joke about with her kid. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I really didn't care at that point. I was creeped the **** out. I should be able to feel safe around my own mom, not intimidated and freaked out. I'm not sure what talking about it with someone would do. Its not like I have any proof about what she did that I could give to anyone. To them it would just seem like a bad joke or an empty threat.
I've been saying in here that I'm still unsure about moving to New York, but I know I need to get out of this house. Its not a healthy environment. If not New York, somewhere else, anywhere. I don't know how the **** I'm going to be able to move out though, but the sooner the better. I wish I could go live with my dad. I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. This is so ****ing stupid. I feel like crying. I thought things were finally getting better between us, but she just keeps doing things to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what I can do.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Stand up for your safety, Jazz. While your mum may have seen it as a joke, to you it was unnerving and you should tell her that you don't appreciate being held at intentional knife-point for an innocuous act of eating leftovers. It may be hard for someone with anxiety, but telling her these things will continuously make her aware that you won't be pushed over so easily, and that your feelings will be taken into consideration. Besides, you said she mentioned she didn't even like the food, so the onus was on her, not you.
Is it even possible to move to New York? Do you think you'll enjoy it there? Will it be a step up from your current living situation? I hear that New York is an expensive city to reside, so could you realistically afford it? Weigh up everything and, if it's feasible, do it. You'll probably enjoy the freedom of not living with your mother, plus you'll have one of the world's best cities to explore.
Is it even possible to move to New York? Do you think you'll enjoy it there? Will it be a step up from your current living situation? I hear that New York is an expensive city to reside, so could you realistically afford it? Weigh up everything and, if it's feasible, do it. You'll probably enjoy the freedom of not living with your mother, plus you'll have one of the world's best cities to explore.
TreeBones
Well-known member
Jeeze. If it's any consolation, I don't think you're overreacting. My mom does similar things and when I tell about it, she tells me I'm too sensitive or something of that nature. My mom actually cut my throat and all my hair off in the same night when she was drunk and to this day, when it's brought up, she says I'm "too sensitive" about it.(I know that might sound really dramatic, but it wasn't like blood was gushing out everywhere it was just a kind of long paper cut so don't feel bad or anything)
When you said you might move to NY, do you mean just moving there on a whim, or?
When you said you might move to NY, do you mean just moving there on a whim, or?
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
Stand up for your safety, Jazz. While your mum may have seen it as a joke, to you it was unnerving and you should tell her that you don't appreciate being held at intentional knife-point for an innocuous act of eating leftovers. It may be hard for someone with anxiety, but telling her these things will continuously make her aware that you won't be pushed over so easily, and that your feelings will be taken into consideration. Besides, you said she mentioned she didn't even like the food, so the onus was on her, not you.
Is it even possible to move to New York? Do you think you'll enjoy it there? Will it be a step up from your current living situation? I hear that New York is an expensive city to reside, so could you realistically afford it? Weigh up everything and, if it's feasible, do it. You'll probably enjoy the freedom of not living with your mother, plus you'll have one of the world's best cities to explore.
I'm not sure if I'd enjoy it, but I think it would be better for me than living here. My sister is thinking about moving there, and said she'd be fine with me moving in with her if she does. My dad said he could help out with money if we do decide to move there, and I've been looking for a job. I'm desperate to get the hell out of here, but I know that it'd be a struggle to live in New York. And I don't even know if my sister will change her mind about going there. Right now the idea of moving seems really nice, but it seems like a longshot too. It feels like I'm trapped in a cage for now.
PerseverareJasmine
Well-known member
That sounds really scary. I definitely don't think you were being 'too sensitive' like you said your mom thought you were being in that situation. I'm sorry you had to go through that TreeBones.
My sister was thinking about moving there and said I could move in with her if I wanted to. If she does decide to go, it won't be for a while. She told me she'd want to wait until after she finished college.