Just be yourself

What comes to your mind when you hear this do you think good advice , bad advice or just wishful thinking.

I think bad advice and this is why. Imagine this you have a weird habit that childish and everyone find it foolish and wrong. But this weird habit make you feel confident and creative. It help you feel on top of the world. it give your life purpose and meaning. You feel like you have a bright future in writing , drawing or anything that requares thinking skills. But as great as it is it starting not to feel very fulfilling. because now you are starting to starve for a relationship. But now we have a problem because the people find your weird habit unacceptable. they don`t won`t you they won`t a strong man like someone that can fight and protect himself and the people around him. This strength requares confident and the ability to think fast and know what everyone likes and be fun to protect them from boredom and misery. And he also feel unneedy and he does not depend on other for happyness.

So I think about this and think o.k great this is how I felt with my weird habit I felt powerful and I forgot about the world when I got engage in it and I could even be protective if I wanted to be. strength come from the power of purpose. But wait a minute people find this unacceptable. Meaning I have to drop it and droping mean droping these strengths. so I did drop the habit but now their a new problem coming into play. Now my confident is shader and now I really depend on other for happyness I did not before when I had my weird habit I bariely thought of them accept when I started getting hungry for a relationship That weakened my happyness for my weird habit. I tryed other things like going to a place to meet people or trying a new hobbies out. But the way people prejudge other made life hard the way they wanted me to become would take along time to become and staying on task would take confident and some kind of fulfillment to keep me charged and happy so I would be able to keep enduring the task intell I finally become they way they wanted me to be. But they want me to have good social skills But they won`t let me get colse enough to practice socializing. Everyone want perfect and perfect take practice You can`t get better at basketball with out a basketball or a hoop. You can`t get better a building houses without having tools and wood. How is this suppose to play out with me not being able to practice socializing and everyone expect me to be perfect or else I won`t be aloud to breath a single word to them.

So I give up and go back to my weird habit the one everyone rejects. BUT "YES anther but" Now somthing is wrong with my weird habit. I don`t feel happy about it anymore. the confident the creative is not working anymore. Something blocking me from feeling the same way That I youst to feel about this habit. The guilt of me dying alone and never accomplishing my goal and finding a relationship was stopping from getting the same feeling that I youst to get. "So is this good" I don`t think it is so. I feel this huge emptiness in side of me My self esteem is gone and the one thing that I youst to be able to rely on my weird habit is now usless to me. This mean I am now loss and can`t find my fulfillment and it all because I tryed to make a real friend in the world.

I think theres truth to it but I also feel its oversimplified and vague. Personally I pick and choose how much of myself I reveal to people depending on how they respond to me. Its that whole circle of trust thing. If I get the impression that they'll find my personal life reprehensible then they wont get much from me in terms of a deep conversation.

Also I think when people say "just be yourself" they really mean "just be confident about yourself". Seeking validation is only attractive to people if they're looking to control you in some way. Plus, unless youre a good actor, people can use intuition to see through a social mask. Ive had this happen with just trying to befriend other men. The harder I try to get close and pretend to be "cool" the worse the results are for me.

When people say "just be yourself", I have learned they basically mean "Just be the version of you that I want you to be"....

Dutch79 said:

When people say "just be yourself", I have learned they basically mean "Just be the version of you that I want you to be"....

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True..

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The only way to truly be yourself is by accepting and loving yourself. If you do this, you won't have to put on a bunch of masks when handling other people, because you are confident in the person that you are.

Once you accept and love yourself, you stop judging yourself negatively, and thus stop judging others as well (simply thinking that they're judging you is judgment in itself). It's very freeing. I've been doing my best to practice it every day, moments where I simply take a deep breath to bring me back to the present and remind myself to love myself, to be gentle and kind with myself.

Well, to be honest I think quotes like "Just be yourself" (and this is my honest opinion) have really been thrown out the window in our world of society. Sure, if we lived in a society that was less judgemental and cruel of others, I think that it'd be much easier if everyone in this world could act like their true selves and not fit into this version that society wants them to be. For me, personally, I find it hard to stay true to myself when I'm around people who make me feel forced to change who I am. There will always be someone who will criticize me of my personality flaws/physical appearance and will also criticize me for my lifestyle choices (me being vegetarian, quietness, me not wanting to drink, ect) A lot of people are so desperate in trying to make me become what they are. What's harder, is that I have to live with these people everyday on a regular basis. There's no way of avoiding them.

I think when people truly say "Just be yourself" They actually mean "Just be yourself, but to a certain extent." I feel as if the only time you're only allowed to be yourself is when you're alone. You have more freedom to choose what clothes you want to wear, what to foods to eat, and making decisions on your own without anyone's consent. When you're around people (those who can't even accept one thing about you), you feel like you have to act a specific way and dress a specific way in order for them to accept you. I just think that "Just be yourself" in society holds no meaning. It holds no value or importance. I think it's a lot easier when movies/tv shows try to show that message because again, they don't tie in with how reality actually works in the real world. I think it's mostly luck that you have to have, but of course being me, things have never gone my way. I guess that's just part of my bad luck

I think 'just be yourself' is actually good advice.

I've learnt to not care so much about what others think and since I've done this I've been much more at ease.

As with all things though, it depends on what the person's mindset is. Usually ppl with SA or the like will have a negative mindset and will take this advice negatively.

Sacrament said:

(simply thinking that they're judging you is judgment in itself)

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Of the bullshit you can find out there to deal with these issues, this kind of trick to guilt trip others into being more confident is one of the most stupid things I've ever seen.

"You know how you can't help but feel super ugly and weird, and since you are so sure about it, you also can't help but think others feel the same way about you? I'm sorry, but this means you are just the same as the bullies out there who bring people down because it makes them feel better about themselves."

Brilliant.

Louco said:

Of the bullshit you can find out there to deal with these issues, this kind of trick to guilt trip others into being more confident is one of the most stupid things I've ever seen.

"You know how you can't help but feel super ugly and weird, and since you are so sure about it, you also can't help but think others feel the same way about you? I'm sorry, but this means you are just the same as the bullies out there who bring people down because it makes them feel better about themselves."

Brilliant.

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He has a point. If you come to the conclusion that other people are judging you, you've dictated what kind of moral fiber that person has. You've already decided if that person is friendly or just another ahole that thinks youre weird.

It doesnt make you a bully though, unless you act out and cause other people distress.

Louco said:

Of the bullshit you can find out there to deal with these issues, this kind of trick to guilt trip others into being more confident is one of the most stupid things I've ever seen.

"You know how you can't help but feel super ugly and weird, and since you are so sure about it, you also can't help but think others feel the same way about you? I'm sorry, but this means you are just the same as the bullies out there who bring people down because it makes them feel better about themselves."

Brilliant.

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No need to be a d ick, just trying to help.

Louco said:

Of the bullshit you can find out there to deal with these issues, this kind of trick to guilt trip others into being more confident is one of the most stupid things I've ever seen.

"You know how you can't help but feel super ugly and weird, and since you are so sure about it, you also can't help but think others feel the same way about you? I'm sorry, but this means you are just the same as the bullies out there who bring people down because it makes them feel better about themselves."

Brilliant.

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I agree with Sacrament.

Take a laxative and relax.

People telling me my advice is bullshit is bullshit in itself. Even if sometimes my advice may sound cliché, I only give advice using things that have worked for me. Will it work for everyone? Probably not. But maybe some variation will. Maybe some of the things I say, despite seeming obvious, could click in the other person's brain in some shape or form, and that's enough for me.

I'd like to be myself again, the one before I had anxiety. I'd have to change many things to get to that point. I really don't like the angry person I have become.

Sacrament said:

No need to be a d ick, just trying to help.

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Did you notice how I said the quote was "out there"? This idea is very common and I've seen it around many times. This is why I feel free to criticize it in such a harsh way, because of how widespread and misleading it is, which makes it very harmful. So it has nothing to do with you or with the main point you are making.

I also don't think you are stupid just because you brought this up. I know smart people who believe this. It presents itself as an insightful logical argument while making no sense at its core, but most people don't see much reason to think about it.

I will explain it better later, just posting this right now to avoid more instances of being called a d ick, told to take laxatives, etc. I'm not offended by that, but you guys are being silly.

Hug it out, yo.

I'm sure there was a thread about this very comment, a year or so ago.

I think when most people say this statement, what they are actually meaning is for you to be the happiest, most personable version of the real you - which to them seems to come naturally & easily to them as they haven't got SA, depression, etc (& :. that is the "them" role that they're usually playing). But since it's a role being played, it is not 100% accurate to call it "yourself" or "your true self".

Be yourself? What does that mean? I have many selves. I have a self that I am at home, I have a self around friends, I have a self around work and colleagues, and I have a self around my students.

I've always found this sort of thing to be somewhat misleading, in that--in my exceedingly humble, uninformed opinion--no one has one "true self," so to speak. People are pretty complex and a lot of us hold many identities that we use for different occasions.

In my experience (notice that this is my experience and ONLY definitively applies to all the people who are me), the thing that helped me (Again: helped me. I'm not suggesting or advising anyone to do or think anything; I'm sharing my thoughts and experience.) was realizing that all of my "selves" are true selves.

If I act one way in a certain environment, and another in a different place or time, I'm not lying, I'm not deceiving, I'm not being untrue to myself, rather, I'm adopting one of my many personas that I'm comfortable with/is socially acceptable and appropriate for the situation (whatever that situation may be).

Anyway, I'm probably just crazy. Also, that probably didn't make sense. The disclaimers probably didn't help.

*shrugs*

Whatever. I guess I'll post it! :idontknow:

:thinking: Prejudging is normal based on past results based on what other said about you before or did to you. If you grown up with people who talk you down and that was the ownly people you mainly see most of your time so that would become your only world you know so it will be easy for you to think strangers would probably act the same. So basically your right SACRAMENT :thumbup: I do need to start believing in the existence of good people in this world again. keeping this belief can some time feel like a battle I feel like it has it ups and downs. I can see it one day and it gone the next. :sad:


basically the way I always saw my anxiety was like a inner bully and this bully always keep you posted on what wrong with you. When I say somthing to someone it would tell me " you are so stupid and I should try and think a little bit more before I talk." When I first walk into a room with people it will call me ugly and dity. I would try my hardest to find the right words to say to someone but No matter what I would think of it will tell me that it no good I should not even bother. It will tell me my jokes are not funny and My own personal views are to dum. What I see most of the time doctors are not focus on finding a thought that been deeply hidden of who you are.The way they see are problem is that we over examine things we focus to much on stuff the rest of the world don`t care about. Our answer is not a thought it is a detraction. A confident mind is not a mind that thinks it can do well it a mind that free from negative thoughts. We find a thought that detract our negative thoughts like thinking of a movie instead of how will we should be talking to someone.

I was wonder what would happen if In the morning if I thought of a real great plan of how to end the day like watching a new movie I just rented or eating somthing that real taste good or maybe finshing a book or video game that has a really good story plot. I wonder if that would give me a detraction that I need to not feel nervous and if those thoughts would be strang enough to block my thoughts of anxiety.because I would be excited about what was going to happen when I got home. I still don`t know what kind of detraction I need But I think finding one that will block my anxiety would be awesome.

I am being myself. It's not working out at all.

Bo592 said:

:thinking: Prejudging is normal based on past results based on what other said about you before or did to you. If you grown up with people who talk you down and that was the ownly people you mainly see most of your time so that would become your only world you know so it will be easy for you to think strangers would probably act the same. So basically your right SACRAMENT :thumbup: I do need to start believing in the existence of good people in this world again. keeping this belief can some time feel like a battle I feel like it has it ups and downs. I can see it one day and it gone the next. :sad:


basically the way I always saw my anxiety was like a inner bully and this bully always keep you posted on what wrong with you. When I say somthing to someone it would tell me " you are so stupid and I should try and think a little bit more before I talk." When I first walk into a room with people it will call me ugly and dity. I would try my hardest to find the right words to say to someone but No matter what I would think of it will tell me that it no good I should not even bother. It will tell me my jokes are not funny and My own personal views are to dum. What I see most of the time doctors are not focus on finding a thought that been deeply hidden of who you are.The way they see are problem is that we over examine things we focus to much on stuff the rest of the world don`t care about. Our answer is not a thought it is a detraction. A confident mind is not a mind that thinks it can do well it a mind that free from negative thoughts. We find a thought that detract our negative thoughts like thinking of a movie instead of how will we should be talking to someone.

I was wonder what would happen if In the morning if I thought of a real great plan of how to end the day like watching a new movie I just rented or eating somthing that real taste good or maybe finshing a book or video game that has a really good story plot. I wonder if that would give me a detraction that I need to not feel nervous and if those thoughts would be strang enough to block my thoughts of anxiety.because I would be excited about what was going to happen when I got home. I still don`t know what kind of detraction I need But I think finding one that will block my anxiety would be awesome.

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The way my therapist has always approached it was with trying to combat the negative self talk with something more balanced and realistic. Meaning not too pessimistic or too optimistic. Ive found that sometimes this has been too difficult to do on my own and it was helpful to have an outside and totally objective opinion. If you do that though just be careful about who you ask for that input as some people might just make things worse. My counselor was able to help me tons but my mother is the last person I would ask about my thoughts. She'd just set me back from years of progress in the span of a 5 minute conversation.