I´m so desperate with this anxiety, i am not able to go to anywhere or even work. I don´t have friends, i hate my dad... i´m homossexual, i hate my body...i just want to die.... Tryed to do that once, but my mom would die if i did that.
I can´t talk to people, walk on the street... they look at me like i´m a rude person becuz of my face, but i´m just feeling panic, you know?
I quit whit the medicine, with the psichologist.. it doest work
Please..if somebody could help me writting something, i´d apreciate it.
I know that everyone's situation is different, but this reminds me of myself a little bit. The thought of going out terrifies me, especially when i'm walking along and someones walking towards me. I don't know where to look, if I look around and pretend they're not there i'm afraid it'll make them upset, even if their a complete stranger and couldn't care less about me. But i'm terrified of eye contact, i'm scared they'll think i'm a freak. So when someone comes close to me, I get really nervous and they must wonder what the hell's wrong with me. I force myself to go out, even if it takes ages to get ready.
I feel so trapped, on the one hand I want to go out and meet someone and fall in love and then everything would be okay, because nothing else will matter but the person beside me. But on the other hand, i'm so scared, i've never approached a girl and told her I like her. I met someone at college last year, and she made a real effort and asked for my email and asked me out, but I pushed her away. The first time we met was so great that I got scared that everything afterwards would be a dissapointment to her. And now we dont talk anymore and she's at University miles away.
I wish I could be more helpful, it sounds like you're going through hell, your still here, and I guess that means you're pretty brave one way or the other. But I don't know much about you so I don't wanna make assumptions. If you want, you could message me any time you feel like it, maybe it'll help.