Just so tired of feeling this way...

I'm new here. I found this place when I was researching avoidant personality disorder which I think I might have. I've always been considered shy, especially as a child. The older I get though the worse it gets. My anxiety is though the roof these days. I'm 31 years old and feel like I can't even function in society. I am very much socially inept. It's to the point now where it is hurting my job performance. I wake up dreading going t work each morning because my job consists of being on the phone all day with people.


It is really quite exhausting. I don't make friends easily at all because I am not social. It is very difficult for me to carry on even a vey basic and simple conversation with someone. Which is why I avoid people at all costs. I crave companionship, but yet I can't seem to force myself to get out there and to allow someone in. It's tough watching people around me getting married and having children when I can't even get a date. I've dated before, but have never had a relationship. My anxiety has gotten so much worse since then though to where I don't even date anymore.


I created a profile on an online dating site and even had some guys contact me who I was really interested in, but when it came to actually meeting them for a date I just couldn't do it. I would just completely freak out. Today I took down my profile. I thought it would be a good way for me to meet some people, but even that is difficult for me. I just feel very lonely sometimes and wish I at least had a girlfriend I could do things with or at least talk to. I don't even have that because it's so hard for me to make friends. These days I'm pretty much a hermit. If it wasn't for work I would not leave the house at all. I do not attend family functions and I don't even answer my phone most of the time.


Even going to the grocery store is extremely difficult for me and I get very nervous. I feel like everyone is constantly watching me and judging me. I become paranoid and anxious and break out into a sweat. A simple task like going to the grocery store should not be difficult for the regular person, but for me it is.


It feels good to vent and to just let this all out. Can anyone relate? Do you ever just feel like you're all alone looking in on everyone else who is talking and laughing and just living life? :sad:

Can anyone relate? Do you ever just feel like you're all alone looking in on everyone else who is talking and laughing and just living life? :sad:[/QUOTE]

Hi MoonBeam and welcome to SPW
Yes, I do feel like I am alone a good chunk of the time. I have seen others I know or used to be friends with go through relationships, marriage, children, going places and doing fun things and here I am sitting, looking through the peephole of life.

I feel old, I'm 44 so perhaps it's a bit of a mid life crisis along with early menopause that is fueling my rage and sadness. I don't get much time to myself which helps fuel my sucky feelings. lol

I have heard that if you have something you are interested in such as a hobby (photography, crafts, painting, etc) it can help distract you, even for a little while. Exercise I hear is good. I DID try it over the summer for about 2 months with my sister-in-law and it did do some good, especially with sleep.
Journalling is good, I've heard.

Keep us posted! :thumbup:

welcome moon beam! Im sorry that youre feeling this way. I had a lot of those problems also.

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

Thanks all! It really helps just knowing people can relate to what I'm going through because my family doesn't understand at all. They seem to think I should just be able to get over it and be more social. Like it's as easy as flipping a light switch....and who knows, maybe it is? I just haven't been able to find the darn switch yet! My hobby is reading which does take my mind off things and helps somewhat. If it wasn't for little things like that I swear I'd go crazy! I like the idea of exercising too. I've been wanting to join a gym if I can ever force myself to just get over my fear and do it. I think it would be good for me and I could get back into shape as well.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I'm sorry you're stuck right now... that's hard.

I really don't know what else to say, other than I read your post and I hope that you can find a way to make things improve for you.

Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery... have you tried getting away for a while? You can be anyone you want to be when you're traveling, and it can be a good way to practice talking to people... if you know you're never going to see them again it's easier.