just when everything was going good...

Hey everyone,
I'm a 25 year old male. I have been loveshy pretty much all my life. At times I have had a good group of friends (even some girls mixed in) but I never talked to the girls on the phone or anything. Whenever we hung out it was with the whole group I was only able to make small talk with the girls. Recently I had to relocate halfway across the country where I knew absolutely no one, and I have no family out here. Prior 2 a month ago I never had a girlfriend and I had never kissed a girl. Unfortunately she decided out of the blue she didn't wanna see me anymore. Here's what happened.

I got matched up with a girl on a dating website. We talked on the phone for a while and then met up for a couple drinks one night. For the first time I was able to have a real conversation with a girl, more than just small talk. I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt and there was definitely a good chemistry between us. So we talked on the phone every day and texted each other (she probably called/texted me more than I did to her) and everything was going great. We went out again, it was another good date. She came over the next night and we watched a movie. After the movie we made out for a good 25 minutes. She even removed her sweater (she still had on a bra). We continued to talk everyday. A few days later we went on another date and another date the day after that. Then because of my job, I have to go out to sea for a week and a half at a time and then I am home for at least 2 weeks. I told her this before we even met the first time. So after our 5th date I had to go to out to sea the next day for a week and a half. So we made tentative plans to go out the Saturday after I got back. So the first day I was gone everything seemed fine, except when I tried to call her that night she didn't answer. Because of the boat I don't get reception unless I'm out on one of the decks, so I wouldn't get any missed calls on my cell phone, only a voicemail if she left one. Over the next week and a half she never answered when I called. She didn't always answer my text messages either. But she would still say stuff like "I miss you or I can't wait to see you". We ended up coming back a day early. I called her when I got back but she texted me and said she was working. I texted back and I asked if she would call me when she got off, she said she would and that she couldn’t wait to talk to me. She never called.

So the next day I called to set up our date for that Saturday. She didn't answer. About 10 minutes later I got a text message from her that said "I'm sorry it didn't work out". I asked her what she meant and if she didn't wanna see me again to just tell me. She said she didn't wanna see me again, so I asked her if I could as why. She said that I was gone for a week and a half, and "that's a long time when we only knew each other a couple weeks". I said "so that's why, because I was gone a week and a half?" She said that was part of it and the other part was we didn't have much in common. I don't think that's the reason though because we really did have a lot in common, and why did she text me saying stuff like "I can't wait to talk to you" and "I miss you"? We even came up with a list of stuff we wanted to do.

I'm just really frustrated because everything was going so good with her. She knew I was shy, but she was pretty talkative which helped. But I was also probably more talkative around her than I have been around anyone else except for maybe 1 or 2 people. It just seemed like she understood me. For example, after our first date I opened the car door for her. We said good night and hugged. I got the sense she might have wanted a kiss, but I didn't know for sure and I didn't wanna scare her off by rushing into things. So we just hugged. She live about 45 minutes away, so on my way home she texted me. She asked if it was bad that she wanted a kiss. I told her I sensed she did but I didn't wanna rush it. So I knew on our next date we would kiss. So when we were on the couch watching the movie on the 2nd date at one point she looked up at me and kissed me. It was like she knew I was nervous to make the first move.

It's just makes me mad that she couldn't even break up with me over the phone, she had to do it through a text message. And she led me on. One thing that I found kind of strange when we first talked was she said her last relationship was like 3 or 4 years long and ended only a month or so ago. I just found it odd that after that long of a relationship she would pursue a different one, especially through an online dating website.

So now I'm back to the start. But at least now I have that experience I finally kissed a girl; for me that was a major step. Hopefully I can build off of it if I ever get another girlfriend. It's just really hard for me to meet girls cause I don't get out much. But I proved to myself that I can talk to girls and have really long conversations. The next step for me is going to have to be approaching them and starting a conversation out of nothing.

I would appreciate anyone's input on this, whether you have any idea why she may have dumped me, why she led me on, or if you have any advice for me.
Thanks.

Getting out of a relationship can be hard for someone... especially a long one like you said she was in. If it has only been a month she probably wasn't ready to go out with someone again. She maybe just wanted to go out with somone again after a month to help her get over her breakup... the feeling of wanting to be back in love is a strong desire. Even though I'm sure she really liked you, she was probably pushing herself too hard to get over her last relationship and when you went away for a week she realised this.

The reason that she still texted you and left you messages like "I miss you," while you were gone is probably because she wanted to feel like she was still connected to someone like she was before... she really wanted and was trying to feel that connection again... but she must have realised that even though you are a good guy and she likes you that she still needs time to get over the breakup and shouldn't be dating again. She probably didn't want to see you to tell you in person because she felt guilty for stringing you along and trying to date before she knew she was ready... she maybe felt bad about that.

I'm no expert... but I'm a girl, and this sounds familiar... :roll:

P.S. Even if you hadn't gone away for a week she would have likey ended things anyway... I don't think this had anything to do with you persay... I think she had some issues to deal with and she happened to involve you.

Thanks for the reply, that seems to make sense. I didn't expect her to break up with me in person, it just would have been nice if she would have called instead of just sending a text message to do it. As far as her maybe changning her mind about wanting to get in a relationship I thought that at first too. But after I had met her and everything started going good, I deleted my profile ont the dating website. Then after we broke up I couldn't re-instate my old one, so I had to create a new one. It was prett much the same profile, but my pictures didn't post right away. So the website matched me up with her again and she sent me the first set of questions. I live in a small town so she had to have known it was me even without my picture unless she just didn't read the profile at all. So I answered the questions and told her it was me and I was confused why she sent me the questions again, she didn't reply back. My point is it appears she is still looking for other relationships.

I know she told me early in our relationship that is wasn't so much the not seeing me for a week and a half that was gonna make it tough, it was the not being able to talk to me as often since my phone didn't always work. But the thing is I did have my phone on a good chunk of the time and it just seems like she didn't even give it an effort.

Whatever the case, I'm just trying to tell myself that I didn't do anything wrong, she just changed her mind. I guess it's good it happened after only 3 weeks instead of a few months or something.

Sometimes these things just don't work out. Don't think you did anything wrong. i think you are analysing too much about what you did wrong or what you could have done better.

Try take the positive from it. I'm sure you'll have a few like this before you settle down. It's part of finding the right person. When you find the right person to stay with for long term, silly things like did you kiss her at the right time or you having to be away for a week or so really won't make any difference at all. The connection between you will feel so strong that those things will just be worked round.

Take care and just try again!

That sounds about right. They lead you on then break your heart lol. Don't try to rationalize it because truthfully most girls act irrationally. Take your time then move on.

If she was only out of her old relationship for a month then i think she was on a rebound.

bulldog21083 said:

It's just makes me mad that she couldn't even break up with me over the phone, she had to do it through a text message.

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Just be glad that she communicated with you at all. The last woman I dated didn't even have the decency to call or e-mail me and tell me that she didn't want to see me anymore. She just disappeared and left me a mess.