Lonely

So I just got back from visiting relatives. We had a takeaway, a few drinks. I felt anxious, like I always do. It was great to see my teenage niece and nephew and everybody made me feel welcome. So why I do feel down? My sister and brother-in-law dropped me off and I'm sitting here on my own, smoking and drinking low alcohol wine. They don't know the extent of my anxiety, I guess they just see good old sis, good old auntie. Loneliness is a funny thing. Maybe this time next year there'll be someone special in my life and I won't feel as lonely as I do now. I shouldn't feel alone, I have family, friends (had a phone message from my friend when I got in but haven't treplied yet). I shouldn't be feeling lonely and yet I am.

Who says you shouldn't? What makes you think that?

alter_ego said:

So I just got back from visiting relatives. We had a takeaway, a few drinks. I felt anxious, like I always do. It was great to see my teenage niece and nephew and everybody made me feel welcome. So why I do feel down? My sister and brother-in-law dropped me off and I'm sitting here on my own, smoking and drinking low alcohol wine. They don't know the extent of my anxiety, I guess they just see good old sis, good old auntie. Loneliness is a funny thing. Maybe this time next year there'll be someone special in my life and I won't feel as lonely as I do now. I shouldn't feel alone, I have family, friends (had a phone message from my friend when I got in but haven't treplied yet). I shouldn't be feeling lonely and yet I am.

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I completely understand how you are feeling. It's a very hard position to be in, particularly if people don't understand how it affects you.

Sometimes folks fail to realise something is wrong because it's not talked about. But then again, it's not that easy to say 'I'm lonely and being around my brother or my sister who have thier complete little families actually makes me feel even more alone'.

Then you get the people who insist that you should just be happy for others. That's fine, but it's not always that easy.

I really hope that everyone on this forum will over the course of the next 12 months, find love, friendship, confidence and happiness for the first time.

I feel you. I guess you can say I've lost the "christmas spirit," since I don't plan on attending the usual extended family celebration this christmas eve.. I just can't get into the feeling that I remember having this time of year... Anxiety is my worst enemy, and all the drugs available to fight it just mask the anxiety, not cure it... It's like a battle that never ends, and I'm only 19 years old anf I'm tired of fighting it already. What is there to live for?

Peace

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Well.. .again! the same old topic...

I have the same problem. Being with relatives when you are single makes you feel very bad. Feels like my life is empty.

I agree with shut_out_of_life on we old SP males have very few possibilities of arranging our lifes... No women would ever love a guy like us cause we have not any self-confidence at all. While on the other hand for a man it isn't important if the girl is self confident or not.
And when you are like 40 years old and you realize you are not fixing up your problems, and you don't seem to have any way out of it, and you can't believe in miracles any longer, cause it's been already 20 years waiting for just one miracle, and it never occured... then you get totally in despair.

I feel very similarly. I always say that you'll never feel as lonely as you do when you're around other people when you're social phobic. I went to my aunt's home today and while I didn't feel terribly lonely I did feel like a failure. My Aunt's ex-husband kept going on about how his son is playing football in college now and has a job, and when my cousin arrived everyone seemed so happy to see her. She's very independent,though only a year or so older than me (21), and she has her own apartment, job, life, dog, and all.

I on the other hand can't even find a job that won't cause me to have a nervous breakdown 2 weeks in. I haven't even looked forward to this Christmas. There'll be no gifts in my household this year anyway, not that I even want anything. Well, I would like a life of my own. One I can be proud of with friends, a job, my own place to live, and someone to love. But apparently Santa says that's too much to ask.

I just hate seeing what some of my relatives have. And you know it's funny, I was speaking to one of my relatives today and they told me "Hopefully you will be able to find a job soon...you know, so you can fit in". She didn't mean anything by it, but it still sucked to hear because I knew she had a point. Sigh, Merry Christmas.

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It is truly saddening to know that I'm not alone in such holiday season dreariness. It sucks that so many people feel this way at this time, and throughout the rest of the year also.

I'd just like to say that I understand and can relate to all of the above and wish you all a brighter future, whether you believe it is coming or not.

Best of luck to you all.

shut_out_of_life said:

Primrose said:

I really hope that everyone on this forum will over the course of the next 12 months, find love, friendship, confidence and happiness for the first time.

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Everyone probably will except for the older male social phobics. I don't like reading a sentence like this because it makes me realize that I'm going to be alone five years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now...

No one really hopes that losers like me will make any kind of a recovery. I'm the present-day equivalent of "the crazy old uncle locked up in the attic," and everyone wants to forget that I exist.

I'm middle-aged and I haven't had a social life for decades so it's highly unlikely I'll be dating or making friends in the next year. That probably means I won't be gaining any confidence and I'll continue to be extremely unhappy.

Female social phobics are much better off than the males - they can still be considered attractive and acceptable to members of the opposite sex.

And younger male social phobics still have a chance to catch up socially with their peers. If they do catch up, they'll be accepted by all the goddamn snobs and then they can "get a life."

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I meant no offence by my 'sentance'. I was simply trying to be positive in light of a very lonely time for most people on this forum (myself in included).

I'm a middle-aged woman and what you say with relation to women continuing to be attractive to men as they get older is not always the case. We struggle just as much as middle-aged men. There is also the added worry of reaching an age where you will no longer be able to have children.

Aw, I feel a bit bad about posting that now. My family are lovely. My parents are dead but I spent Xmas with my sister and her family (will be spending New Year with my other sis and her husband) and they are just so generous and caring. You know that old saying, you can choose your friends but not your family? Well, I'd still choose the same family as well as the same friends!

I guess, like most of us, I wish I could meet my soulmate tho. Don't know how it's ever going to happen when I get anxious about everyday things never mind going on a date but you never know!

Strange how you can feel so lonely in a room full of people you love, or feel great even when there's nobody around us making us. Turns out, you're the only one who can make yourself happy.

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Lonely too

Guess we are all lonely souls, but it does not have to be our death sentence! To want a better life, we must put in the effort to create one! Its a daunting task for us, but who is going to do it if we don't? I am only starting out now, but aint giving up!

I know how you feel too.

Years ago, when i was closer to more of my family, a few times a year we'd all get together. I used to hate it, cause of sp. When i got older, 18-19, i started making my own decisions and just not going.

What do you think they thought ? Ofcourse they thought i was rude, and why would i rather do god knows what than see them, ect.

Well now, most of my cousins dont ask me to come anywere anymore. No get togethers, easter, christmas, weddings, nothing. Because they just figure well he dosnt want to.

Now, im older, my sp is alot better, and i feel as though im missing out big time not bieng close to all my cousins, and i feel as though iv moved away from my culture to an extent. I regret bieng rude to them, and now it might be too late.

So my advice is even though its hard, keep doing what your doing, always go and be with them, dont take the easy way out or you may regret it later.