Losing a friend....

AtTheGates

Banned
a couple days ago a VERY good friend of mine who I care about and love decided thats she doesnt want to be friends with me anymore. I admit that I did some things throughout the friendship that may have pushed her away. I'm not perfect. I admit that. ...but the way we said goodbye/parted ways felt so wrong...we said some mean things to each other and then it was just over...i haven't heard from her since and i think maybe she's fine with that ...but i don't know.


both of us are moving forward in life on separate paths..our schedules are getting more busy and things are changing in our lives..so i understand her need to part ways with our friendship . I just wish it didnt hurt so much...I know theres nothing i can say to change her mind so I won't even try... but I wish more than anything that we had said goodbye on nicer/better terms because I care about her more than you would believe and it kills me to know that we parted ways like that....I wish she would contact me even just so we can see goodbye the RIGHT way...instead of on bad terms.

she has her flaws but so do I...all in all, she's a beautiful person. sometimes goofy and eccentric and also very strong and resilient and she has so much fortitude even when things seem hopeless . her strength toward adversity is something that really woke me up and inspired me to want more out of life...I honestly don't think id be on the this career path that I'm on right now if it weren't for her..and I have nothing but gratitude for that.



just typing this and getting it off my chest made me feel a little bit better ....but my heart is SO heavy without her as a friend and all i want is for her to contact me..even if its just one last time so we can say goodbye properly....im having a really hard time moving on due to the fact that we parted ways so coldly.
 
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Cetnien

Member
I lost a friend too a couple months back that I knew for 2 years and yes it sucks but you must move forward. As much as it hurts; what's in the past is in the past. But hey, you never know; somewhere in the future you might reconnect again. That's what happened with my ex-best friend and my longest childhood friend.

However, I think more than anything...expressing gratitude for people who may resent you is something not everyone in the world can do; but I was the same way in that part and you know what...it felt great. It was great to know that they taught me something in my life and well; like they say friends come and go.

Keep your chin up man!
 

AtTheGates

Banned
I lost a friend too a couple months back that I knew for 2 years and yes it sucks but you must move forward. As much as it hurts; what's in the past is in the past. But hey, you never know; somewhere in the future you might reconnect again. That's what happened with my ex-best friend and my longest childhood friend.

However, I think more than anything...expressing gratitude for people who may resent you is something not everyone in the world can do; but I was the same way in that part and you know what...it felt great. It was great to know that they taught me something in my life and well; like they say friends come and go.

Keep your chin up man!

I HOPE we can re-connect . I keep trying to not think about her but i can't help it. we talked EVERY day for a year and a half. tommorow is her birthday and I just want more than anything to be able to tell her "happy birthday" or SOMETHING. I miss her so much already. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get over losing her as a friend. I'm starting a new job in early february and i was looking forward to telling her all about it but now I can't : ( .. this is really just terrible. I feel sick right now.


she had her thyroid removed over the summer and is still adjusting to the hormone replacement medication her endocrinologist has her on..also she was stressed out from her job and new living situation....so id like to think that maybe it wasnt ALL me. like maybe there were other factors that contributed to her wanting to end our friendship so suddenly the way she did....Im just hoping that i'll be able to re-connect with her...I really valued our friendship a lot but idk if she realized that. I wish she knew that she can call me whenever, i can forgive and forget pretty easily when its for an old friend. I really hope that things get better for her and I can hear from the happy version of her that I used to know before she got so over-burdened by life..tbh I feel like she changed a bit as the stress started to pile on..I really miss how sweet she used to be...I still have the tin that she sent full of christmas cookies....she makes the best shortbread cookies iv ever had..



I definetly sound pathetic right now but oh well..idc.
 
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AtTheGates

Banned
I was thinking about what happened with my friend (well FORMER friend I guess) earlier today. I listened to some of her old voicemails and couldn't help but think abut how much DIFFERENT she seemed.

I was thinking a lot about her so decided to do some research on living without a thyroid and found some interesting stuff. I think having no thyroid effects each person differently and some people respond better to the medication while other people (her) have a REALLY hard time adjusting .

"Thyroid and Rage": Thyroid Disorders Community - Support Group

sudden rage/low thyroid - BrainTalk Communities 10/2006-8/2011 Archives

Post Thyroid Surgery Personality and Behavior Changes? -Doctors Lounge(TM)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCxTnVm4cZg

for anyone reading this: I think its important to remember that if theres someone in your life who's having thyroid issues , the things they say/do to you might not always be your fault or at least not ENTIRELY your fault. their thyroid isn't balancing their hormones properly .

I really hope that my friend improves over time and that maybe some day we can talk again. I still care about her. and im not going to forget about her.
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I wouldn't overthink it if you want to send her a short text msg to wish her a happy birthday or just say that you hope she's doing fine. It doesn't really matter if she texts back or not or if you guys don't have time to talk to each other anymore. Just don't leave things misunderstood. You don't want a friend to think you're mad at them when you're not.
 

Cetnien

Member
Lost my friend on her birthday surprisingly. Even wished her one too, weird how you mention that...

I'm glad you cherish your friendship. For me though, its a bit different since I liked her a little bit even though she was engaged to a person from another country.

Any who, I for some reason felt that we weren't really close to begin with and learned that we just didn't connect.

Well, there's many more friends to make out there. And I hope that one day she'll reply back to you. :)
 

NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
This is pretty familiar to me actually, I have great difficulty holding on to friends. I honestly thought it was part of having social anxiety.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
I had this happen with a friend I used to hang out with frequently before I left town for a few years. I came back and he didnt want to reconnect or have me know his number/address or anything. Not sure wtf I did wrong but ok...
 

AtTheGates

Banned
I don't think our friendship meant very much to her but idk...she had her thyroid completly removed in august and ever since then she would just have these moments where she seemed really heartless and cold. on top of that she was having a hard time in other aspects of her life but still, it really hurt to find out that she didnt care about me like I thought she did. it seemed like it came out of the blue one day. she just says "I don't really love you" even though she had JUST said she loved me literally less than 24 hours before that....its kind of strange that she would say that but then again like i said , she's been acting kind of odd every now and then since her thyroid


.

I feel like the friend I used to know is gone and she's a different person now...she never used to be so cold and callous. I'm sure she has a "good" reason for why she ended our friendship the way she did but in all honestly there was no excuse for her to be so cold to me...especially after we'd been friends for so long....unless it actually WAS thyroid related (which is my main suspicion)...then id understand.



I'm suspicious as to whether or not that surgeon removed her HEART also..jk


but really though, I wonder if she'll ever go back to being like she was before...I recall on new years eve she was being funny/goofy/sweet like she used to be and we were joking around....but then it faded again.






I still worry about her...
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I just googled "thyroid removal and personality change" and there is a couple of forums mentioning that side effect, mostly people wondering what the hell happened to their friend/mother etc. Seems like it's not that uncommon. There is similar posts about heart surgery and other surgery. It's a little surprising that doctors don't talk more to the patients and siblings about that side effect.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
I just googled "thyroid removal and personality change" and there is a couple of forums mentioning that side effect, mostly people wondering what the hell happened to their friend/mother etc. Seems like it's not that uncommon. There is similar posts about heart surgery and other surgery. It's a little surprising that doctors don't talk more to the patients and siblings about that side effect.

iv googled a lot of similar topics about thyroid problems too. There really are a lot more side effects than I initially realized .

I really miss her and I hate that there was nothing I could do to help her. I just hope she's doing at least a LITTLE BIT better by now. she's going through a hard time with her job and all the thyroid stuff just made it even MORE stressful. I can't stand to see a friend having such a hard time but not being able to do much to help them.
 
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Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
I havent't click on the links, but if it's personal voicemails that she left you, is it smart to post it here?

Sometimes there is just no logic explanation to what people say and do and your only wise move is to let them deal with their own problems and move on with your life
 

AtTheGates

Banned
I havent't click on the links, but if it's personal voicemails that she left you, is it smart to post it here?

Sometimes there is just no logic explanation to what people say and do and your only wise move is to let them deal with their own problems and move on with your life

Well I don't see how it matters regardless because no one here knows who she is anyway. But maybe you're right. Maybe I should just move on even though she ripped my heart out . : /
 
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AtTheGates

Banned
I just can't believe how much I miss her....its been over two weeks.


she used to be SO sweet to me all the time and then out of the blue she left . I feel like she took part of me with her.
 
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S_Spartan

Well-known member
All you can do is learn from it. This is how people are now.
They don't talk out issues they may have with you, they disappear.
These days you simply cannot give too much of yourself to anybody because there is a good chance they will leave you high and dry.
It sucks because it means that you can never be truly comfortable with another person but these are the times we live in.

Just today I heard about this couple in their 70s, have been married for years and then wife found out that the husband has been cheating on her with a 35 year old woman AND a 45 year old women. She never could have imagined bit it was true.
The takeaway is never EVER get too invested in anybody. You can get close but always keep enough distance that if they decide to leave you may miss them but you won't be devastated.
This is also why I'm anti marriage now. There was a time when it was a good thing but not anymore.
People have become way too selfish now.
Chance are they will always love themselves and their own good feelings more than they love you.
And can we blame them? Society has been telling everyone to put themselves first and that is what they are doing.
 
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