Losing my sense of concept for conversation.

X

xsawx

Member
I think I've lost the sense of concept for conversation
I hate talking to people
I hate talking.
What do I say?
What does someone WANT to hear?
How do you respond?
Why is this weird to me?
I've had plenty of conversations with people before, obviously. I used to love conversations. In fact, it was pretty much a necessity. A want and a need.
I used to thrive for long, deep conversations.
Now I just hate talking, I hate listening, I hate responding….to the point where I just don't do it anymore. And when people try to talk to me, it's as if I forgot.
I just don't know how to act...how to be normal.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
It's a complex matter, talking to people.
I've got people problems myself, so all i can suggest is to focus on your questions one at a time (rather than all at once). Investigate each question thoroughly (via thinking & research), then move on to the next question, and so on...
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
Yea I feel like that often too. I think socializing is like any other skill, if you don't practice it for a while you get worse at it.

I'm just thinking on the spot here, but I think maybe there are 3 main purposes for conversation. The first is purely practical. People communicate to get things done, to pass on instructions, information, etc. I think perhaps the majority of all conversation is of this sort. People talking about practical things, 'what time is dinner?', 'Have you emailed the client yet?' etc

The second purpose is to make sense of our inner worlds. So just like your desire to write your post, you have an internal problem and you're seeking answers of some kind and to know you're not alone. People often talk to each about their problems because it helps to know you're not alone, and also you sometimes get good advice too. Gossip and moaning are probably also in this category.

Then the third part of conversation I think is like the oil that makes the whole machine run smoother. It's the social language, the little niceties, colloquialisms, the sense of when to talk and when not to talk, when to encourage and when to correct, etc. It's the part that changes from culture to culture and even from group to group within cultures. It's the small talk, the expressions, the idiosyncrasies. I think it's this third part that most people here find most difficult.

Whenever I have trouble I think I tend to just focus on the first part, then work my way up through the 2nd and 3rd parts as I grow more confident.
 
M

Monkish1

Well-known member
As I ponder over which conversations left positive impressions for me, and perhaps others, I notice that I have fewer regrets and more desire to converse when I am truly enjoying the company of the other person. Vice versa, it feels good to be enjoyed by them, and keeps them coming back. Tough with SA, I know, but without quality relationships, what is there to sustain us? I only get burned out when socializing becomes a chore, but crave more when the conversations are energizing.
 
Requiescat

Requiescat

Well-known member
There are sites that can kick start your conversation skills development. This was where it all started for me, and since then I have built quite a large study on conversation that has completely reshaped my perception of socializing. I hope it can be of use to you.

Conversation techniques
 
X

xsawx

Member
worrywort said:
Yea I feel like that often too. I think socializing is like any other skill, if you don't practice it for a while you get worse at it.

I'm just thinking on the spot here, but I think maybe there are 3 main purposes for conversation. The first is purely practical. People communicate to get things done, to pass on instructions, information, etc. I think perhaps the majority of all conversation is of this sort. People talking about practical things, 'what time is dinner?', 'Have you emailed the client yet?' etc

The second purpose is to make sense of our inner worlds. So just like your desire to write your post, you have an internal problem and you're seeking answers of some kind and to know you're not alone. People often talk to each about their problems because it helps to know you're not alone, and also you sometimes get good advice too. Gossip and moaning are probably also in this category.

Then the third part of conversation I think is like the oil that makes the whole machine run smoother. It's the social language, the little niceties, colloquialisms, the sense of when to talk and when not to talk, when to encourage and when to correct, etc. It's the part that changes from culture to culture and even from group to group within cultures. It's the small talk, the expressions, the idiosyncrasies. I think it's this third part that most people here find most difficult.

Whenever I have trouble I think I tend to just focus on the first part, then work my way up through the 2nd and 3rd parts as I grow more confident.
Click to expand...


That was an extremely elaborate, interesting, and insightful response to my thread, and makes a lot of sense. Also extremely impressive if what everything you said is truly pure personal speculation! This is definitely my favorite response.
 
Halym

Halym

Banned
I am also like you, xsawx. But it happens in a much smaller scale.. Sometimes, I do lose my sense of concept for conversation.. I don't really know why..
 
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