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Old 11-24-2004  
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Default Love-Shyness

Here is a topic that I Goggled; I sort of relate with it (a bit) :-

Love-Shyness

Love-shyness is a life-crippling condition. Victims of love-shyness are unable to marry, cannot have children, and do not participate in the normal adolescent and young adult activities of dating and courtship. Moreover, the heterosexual love-shy are often misperceived as homosexual. The never-married, heterosexually inactive man has long been known to be vulnerable to all manner of quite serious and often bizarre pathologies. In most cases, these men do not allow themselves to become involved in anything or in any activity, wholesome or otherwise, for which there is any kind of existent social support group. The love-shy do not have anybody to relate to as a friend or to count on for emotional support.

Love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of most male populations. More succinctly, love-shyness will effectively prevent many of its male sufferers from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with a woman."

I'm almost 40 and have never so much as kissed a woman, what's even worse (in a culture where men are expected to make the first move) I've never even had the courage to ask. I feel such shame about my secret but even worse is the pain of going everywhere and doing everything alone when everywhere I turn are couples.

(end quote)

Does anyone else relate to this?
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Old 11-24-2004  
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I'm not love-shy but I relate to what you say about seeing couples. While I'm happy for them, it does hurt when you've been lonely for a long time. I guess maybe we should use it as motivation to be bolder. Easy to say

As for feeling shame. No way should you feel shame. You haven't done anything wrong. Being a human being means a hell of a lot more than sticking stuff in orifices. If there were something bad about not having courted then a lifetime of loneliness is punishment enough. Don't add to it.

I hope you find the strength or maybe luck (or both) for things to change.
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Old 11-25-2004  
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Yoss - I didn't write it, I just quoted it from a website. (I'm a plagiarist as well as an s-p!)

Most of it could be applied to me, but not that bit about shame. Certainly not! And that bit about the courage to ask - I would not put it quite like that. (Opportunity, avoidance maybe).

And (keep it quiet) I'm not 40. I am 55. Even worse.

I'll still accept your luck. See ya mate!
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Old 11-25-2004  
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Doh! :oops: Yeah good luck anyway and to whoever wrote it
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Old 12-12-2004  
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Hi cant believe nobody has replied to this post since september. The Quote is applies to me 'now' that I am older, Im 38 and feel that I will never meet anyone, I want to but Im so stand offish and unapproachable, I can understand why nobody would want to. I was always shy, but enjoyed life when I was younger and had quite a few relationships but even back then, when I think about it I always had to find an excuse to end a relationship, didnt matter how much I thought I loved him, I thought he would get to know the true me and end it. The real me being a very insecure, shy person who couldnt handle getting too close to someone. Now Im a very lonely person who has always wanted someone to love, and sees x boyfriends all happily married and wishes I was in their wives shoes. I think that their are probably a lot of people like the person in the quote in one way or another. My sp is probably not as bad as some people, with me it has effected me as I got older, my friends have all married or have partners and children and I am on my own now, and the thought of actually dating would give me palpatations. Id like to know what other people feel about how sp has effected their lives and how they cope with. I was taking prozac for 3 years untill I realised it was effecting my mood, not that my mood is any better now but Im not as deppressed. It did help in other ways, I dont thing I was as uneasy as i am without it. Does anyone know of any other method preferably herbal, appart from St Johns wart.
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Old 12-12-2004  
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I am not happy with the couples i see.

And i am exactly Love-Shy, but with one difference, i DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH WOMEN or RELATIONSHIPS, there full of crap.
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Old 12-12-2004  
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if you feel that way about women lifesnot fair then why are most of your posts about how you can't get a girl etc
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Old 03-26-2005  
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I know it is a long time since this thread was posted, but I wanted to add my 2 cents to it.

I qualify as "love-shy" I believe. I am a 35 year old male and have never been loved.

I don't know if I officially count as "love-shy" because the problem isn't simply that I'm too shy to ask. If I thought a woman was interested in me, I would happily ask. But I don't want to do anything inappropriate and approaching a woman who has given no sign of interest seems harrassing to me. The problem is - I never see signs that women have interest in me. I don't know if this means that they never have interest in me, or whether I am incapable of seeing signs of interest.

I really want to hear from other people who go through life without love. I am so sick of pretending to be normal (because this problem is not socially acceptable) and pretending to be happy (because I can't say why I'm unhappy without marking myself as a freak). I want to hear other people say that they know what I am going through.
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Old 03-27-2005  
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The thought of someday falling in love is the only thing that keeps me going!
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Old 03-27-2005  
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because they don't like me, even if i want to get a girl, i know in my heart that its not going to happen... Look how many people are in their 40's and still single???

I might as well admit it that it is not going to happen... girls aren't attracted to me no matter how i feel
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