Love-Shyness

@TheManWhoUpholdsHonour I have never really thought of my mother being a possible cause for the way I am now but after reading what you said I started thinking back and I do see a possible connection from the way she treated me to the way I am now so yes my problems may stem from my mother harshly critisizing me when I was younger.

silent knight Its a common cause of love shyness read the book.

jourjaune said:

The thought of someday falling in love is the only thing that keeps me going!

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i really do belive there is someone for evreyone out there , dont give up lol

You have to step out of your comfort zone..even taking baby steps..exposing yourself to women. especially the ones you like its the only way i believe

TooShyShy said:

You have to step out of your comfort zone..even taking baby steps..exposing yourself to women. especially the ones you like its the only way i believe

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TooShyShy have you ever approached that guy at work that you like, and told him how you feel about him? verbally or in a letter etc?

Oh yes in a card on Valentines Day last year and at first he seemed to be even more scared and anxious but as always he comes back around and does his staring-stalking-i will be where ever you are thing..he just can't return the feelings up close and personal so i guess he has to be ok with yearning from afar??? To me thats what it seems to be anyway..he's more comfortable being in a room with me as long as he's standing across the room looking right at me, he can do that for 10-20 minutes at a time..sometimes a few times a day....i just let him...he's still way too anxiety ridden when he gets close to me for it to change at this point!!!!!!

But then again i did have a conversation with him about something work related today and he seemed to handle it well...this was aftr he had done the staring thing on and off all day i figured he had gotten comfortable enough to let me talk to him about something related to our jobs...it surprised me actually he seemed fine...he wasn't jumping out of his pants this time!!!!!!!!

tooshyshy,at this point,i think the only way you'd get him to notice/like u is if you go up and kiss him.of course,this may be a little drastic.use it as a last resort

PS:You have absolutely no idea how happy it would make him for you to fill that meaningless void in his life.Just the thought of it gives me relief,then again,I know alot of girls like me.

rado31 said:

Very nice young lady approached to me in a postal office an hour ago. On the surface i looked cool and told her few sentences and then i got extremely over-heated, over-stimulated and ****ED UP! , so i move away from her. It was pretty obvious that she was not only seeking information but she was trying to comunicate with me. I really hate this...
I m love shy , love frustrated, i m too horny as a imprisoned beast...

I remeber only 3 times that i approach girls that i really like , that were fitting my fancy taste. But that was in so distant past......Unsuccesful, offcourse-otherwise i wont became what i did become..

Now this girls approach me and i ran away, i did this last year also...
both of them was almost like those ones i super adore. What will happen if such a perfect lady as i dream approach me, i m asking you? Again what if./

In fact, only girls that i m able to be with is the ones that i dont dig at all....Can you imagine that kind of ****? No, wait...i cant be with them either...i can be only alone

...i wish my life end as soon as possible....i cant deal with this never-solving problem...

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I'm your girl counterpart. I used to be shy, then I was shy b/c of acne...now I don't think I'm terribly shy(managed to work past it, now I'm fairly outgoing...unless I'm interested in the person. argh!) but...ditto to everything you've said. Aside from the acne(which, thankfully, doesn't rule my life anymore because it's mostly gone) I know I am considered by others to be "attractive", so I feel like I could meet someone, but I blush, which flusters me and makes me run away from opportunities. I always end the conversation as soon as possible because I start BLUSHING I have a "crush" at my workplace who is a really good guy, so I am trying to get past this ridiculousness. If it weren't for the blushing, I would go talk to him and maybe even ask him out or something. I do talk to him sometimes, and I am pretty sure he is interested in me so it's really depressing that I have this mental block. ::

There really should be more research on how to treat acne. I actually ruined a developing relationship because I couldn't bear the thought of him seeing me without makeup(we lived a couple hours apart and he wanted to visit me for the weekend...needless to say I pulled some ridiculous stunts and didn't talk to him until I apologized like a year later...and wasn't really surprised when he didn't want to give it another go).

Sigh. Anyway, you're not alone. If you met me(and didn't know all this), you would probably wonder why I didn't have a boyfriend.

Neph said:

no no no thats not what i meant

its just the definition makes it seem as horrible as cancer



wouldnt the cure for this be "courage"?

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"courage" Dealing with it that way would only result in the sweeping away of the emotions under the rug.If we do that they're just gonna come out again.The only way this can be cured is by direct poise and rationality.

TooShyShy said:

Ok, carlsbad...do you try with women???? You have to try!!!!!! Women do not want to do it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

If so, what have you done lately to get something going with a woman???? And if its that bad and anxiety kicks in the way you say it does, have you explored methods that can help you????

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"women do not want to do it all" You have no idea how much that statement pisses me off.

Girls need to be more forward and ask us guys out.......It's 2010 now!::

I am in my 40's-ish'n'so-on, never ever had a gf, never been on a date.
I suffer from evry form of anxiety going, no confidence, low self-esteem etc.
I went 2 c my gp the other week & I asked him about sp & he said that the best treatment woz CBT & counselling.
My problem does'nt seem 2b getting any easier. Probably getting worse if anything & I have'nt really got age on my side anymore.

EVERYONE,I have found an article I highly agree with relating to love-shyness,However it's too long for me to post so here:

Love-shy.com: Support for the dating-challenged - forum • View topic - Love Shyness: The Starting Point for Ultimate Flourishing

I think my problem is slightly deeper than just "love-shyness".

When I was a child, I've never received any affection from anyone, not even my parents. I believe that this is the reason why I'm now emotionless all the time and can't let my feelings show.

I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that due to my condition, I'm never going to be in a relationship. So it's alright in a way.

recluse said:

Girls need to be more forward and ask us guys out.......It's 2010 now!::

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hey a girl asked me out today she asked me to get out the bloody way

Hi guys, I am an about to turn 33 yo man. I believe I suffer from love shyness, or at least I used to. I have never kissed anyone passionately, had only ever had one or two dates in my life, and am still a virgin.

Here's my story:

I was always a little shy as a child, though I went to a small school so had a number of people I could call friends. I lived across the road from this girl, and we became good friends (although we went to different schools). We hung out regularly, and I still maintain some level of contact to this day. However despite the close friendship, there were no feelings more than friendship between us, and she is now happily married with a child.

High school was a bad time of my life, as we had moved to an isolated property in the country, and me being an only child, limited my social interaction. I was also overwhelmed by the high school, as there were so many more people there than the school where I had come from previously.

When I was 15, there was this girl in my class. She was stunningly beautiful, and probably as a result, she was also popular with the boys. However it was a particularly bad time of my life, and my self-confidence was very low. One day though, this girl asked me out. However she did it in front of a lot of people, and I didn't know how to handle the situation as I thought she might have been trying to set me up or something, so I panicked and said "no". She moved a few months down the track, so I never got another chance with her.

Since then, there have been a few woman who I think have been interested, but I have either not been attracted to them, or havn't had the courage to persue things further. Lately though, I just havn't been getting any chances. The girls that I meet that I am attracted to, are already taken. Though I am getting out a bit and trying to meet some new people. A site that I will be forever grateful for being told about is Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com. Sites like these make it so easy to get out there, as you can see who is coming to meetups that you are interested in. Therefore you can ease yourself into meeting these new people, in a place that is comfortable for you to meet people, rather than hitting up the nearest bar or club which are terrible environments for people like me.

recluse said:

Girls need to be more forward and ask us guys out.......It's 2010 now!::

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I think part of the problem is, either they have similar concerns to love-shy guys or they are afraid of coming across as a slut. Lots of guys still like to do the chasing, and when the reverse happens, many guys will think about them as having been around the block. No girl in her right mind, will want to be seen in this manner, as it can be a social disaster in some cases.

Aussie_Lad said:

I think part of the problem is, either they have similar concerns to love-shy guys or they are afraid of coming across as a slut. Lots of guys still like to do the chasing, and when the reverse happens, many guys will think about them as having been around the block. No girl in her right mind, will want to be seen in this manner, as it can be a social disaster in some cases.

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I've never heard of a woman being labeled as 'slutty' because she asks a guy at a night club for a dance, because she asks a guy for his number or because she asks a guy out for a date. On the other hand, a girl will be labeled as such if she harasses a guy sexually, won't take no for an answer and stuff like that--just like a guy doing this will be labeled as "creepy".

To the original poster, why call it "love shyness?" It sounds like the regular, garden-variety severe shyness to me. If you are severely shy, interacting with the opposite sex will be one of the most common problems you have. So, most very severely shy people would fit into this definition of "love shyness."

Hi everyone. I'm from Brazil and it's good to see I'm not the only one who suffer from that emptiness and loneliness condition. I'm 31yo and a love shy. Never kissed any girl, never been on a date and never invited any girl to date. I'm not "technically virgin" since I had some sex with prostitutes but it doesn't counts. I have a good body shape since I do running, swimming and bodybuilding. Very low fat, some muscles and some abs. But even so I feel I'm worthless. Sometimes some girl try to demonstrate some interest on me but a feel I do not deserve her attention. I wonder how can a girl have some interest on a guy like me!? My heart beats like crazy, my entire body starts to tremble and that makes me feel even more anxious and ashamed. I've been doing psycotherapy since 2003 but it hasn't helped much. I've tried to approach or talk to some girls I've been interesedt but I just can't have a descent small talk. I run out easily of things to say and starts feeling embarassed in way that all I want is run away from that situation. And worst, I don't have any friend to go out or even talk. I have almost lived my life lonely in my badroom. I think unfortunately this is going to last for the rest of my life.