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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

My folks split at 7. My live in partner claims it's why I have little to no self esteem. So is a girl's confidence in the hands of her father? Is this true? What can I do about it?
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

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Originally Posted by abeautifulmind View Post
My dad passed away when I was at a young age, and while I did lose some confidence I think it was more of a safety feeling for me. If you are not getting the right parenting I think it can contribute to SA. I think single parents can raise their kids to be quite successful though. You just need really a supportive parent(s) who nurture you.

It's funny your screen name is "a beautiful mind". My mom raised us. While getting her phd and suffering from bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. She literally is that character. She is a math professor, with the illness, raised two girls alone while doing a career.

So ok then. This guy I'm living with is an idiot. My low self esteem is caused probably by something else. Thanks for commenting.
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

My father killed himself with alcohol when i was 13.

I think losing a parent can greatly effect someones social skills because in many cases parents are the sole role models for how to act socially.

I think the fact that my father was never really there for me and never really demonstrated social norms to me ( he had SA) damaged me more than his passing.

One of the key jobs of parents is to teach or demonstrate proper social behavior and if you loose a parent and never really get that coaching, it can affect your confidence a great deal.

I also agree with abeutifulmind in that a single parent can still raise a great child and loosing a parent doesn't automatically lower your self esteem or confidence.

However, if you lack that social coaching or you do not get praised enough as a child, i think it can lead to low self esteem and confidence issues.

In my case it surely has.

Hope this helps and i hope you find the roots of your problems so you can begin on the road to recovery. : )
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

maybe fear of abandonment, but i truely dont think it causes low self-esteem

Lying awake, calculating the future,
trying to unweave, unwind, unravel
and piece together the past and the future
between midnight and dawn, when the past is
all deception,
the future, futureless...T.S. Eliot
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

I don't think that's completely true. I think it depends on who someone is raised by, & how they are raised, not by whether they had a father or not. As long as someone has a good parent, or good parents, who make them feel proud of themselves, regardless of the sex of that parent, (or parents), someone can definitely have good self esteem.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” _Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel
* * * * *
"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

I dont really agree with your partner .

We sometimes look for a reason for ourselves or those we love as to why we are how we are ....it makes it easier to cope with I suppose.

This is only my opinion , but its who brings you up that counts in my eyes , who is there for the upsets and the joys , and that can be one parent, bioligical or not.

If your mum or dad said it was your fault they split , or you wasn't wanted etc etc (like many horror stories I have heard) then I could understand you having problems over it.

Your mum sounds like a hard working determined woman btw
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Old 06-01-2010  
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Default Re: Low self esteem attributed to no father figure

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Originally Posted by fudgy View Post
I dont really agree with your partner .

We sometimes look for a reason for ourselves or those we love as to why we are how we are ....it makes it easier to cope with I suppose.

This is only my opinion , but its who brings you up that counts in my eyes , who is there for the upsets and the joys , and that can be one parent, bioligical or not.

If your mum or dad said it was your fault they split , or you wasn't wanted etc etc (like many horror stories I have heard) then I could understand you having problems over it.

Your mum sounds like a hard working determined woman btw
I guess I'll never figure out what my problem is.

She really is. I just can't believe everything she's done and overcome.
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