Meeting my husband's friends

This is becoming more of an issue now. Before, it doesnt bother us much because his social interactions are mostly his teammates and i am not obliged to meet them since i always have an excuse and i dont really watch sports. Now, he has formed close friendships with some of them and my hubby have started introducing me to their social gatherings. He knows I am socially awkward so he doesn't force me but one time he successfully convinced me to meet them through constant begging. Seriously i only did it because i feel bad for my husband. Well, it was just a small gathering and it turned out ok. It wasnt really bad.

However, even if ive already met them, i still couldnt help but feel anxious when my hubby wants me to hangout with his friends. Nothings wrong with them. They are actually nice welcoming people. It's just my anxiety kicking in.

Most of the time I can get away because of work. But trouble starts when i have no work and i couldnt find any excuse not to join him.

Like today, its holiday so he wanted us to have a get together with his friends. At first im making excuses that the weather's bad then it became sunny so i told him im tired. He knows im making excuses so he messaged his friends that we're going to see them. I switched to tantrum mode and said im gonna act bitchy if he forces me to come. That started our fight today. Anyway, the meeting was cancelled because not everyone can go. However im in super cranky mood now that i still went out against his will. Im now at the park trying to calm my mood.

Honestly i feel so guilty. I feel bad that i am so effin scared of social situations that i cant support my husband. Its just that im not ready. Some days i feel like i can pretend or i can make some extra effort but today i just feel emotionally tired. I dont know when i will be ready again.

Now im still here feeling sorry for myself and feeling sorry for my hubby.

This is a big problem for me too. Friends or family. I feel like there's this enormous pressure to charm them so I just freak out... I mean it's fair enough to say our partner shouldn't pressure us into anything we don't want to do, but this is just them wanting us to be in their inner circle and we should be able to give that to them. And then even if I do feel brave enough to go and meet them I'm just extremely quiet and uncomfortable so rarely make a good impression anyway :/ sigh

I understand you. I personally are so anti-social and i can't even stand a group of more than 3 people, especially if there's a stranger. You should not feel guilty for not going out with him, unless you actually wanted to go. Remember that you have freedom of choice and if you are unwilling to go, then going shall do you no good at all.

It's happening again. Any minute now, I'm gonna meet the usual people I've met before but this time there will be new guys I haven't met yet. My husband really wants me to attend because it's a big gathering this time.

Seriously, I've been wishing I have work today so I can find an excuse not to be there. Imagine how dreadful this is for me to make me want to work instead??? Unfortunately, I have my weekend off so I have no choice but to join them. All it caused me is stress like I've been dreading this day for a week now and I have this mixed feeling of wanting this day to pass by so I can breathe freely again... and wanting the days to go really slow and make it not happen at all.

You know I've been reasoning to myself that it's just a gathering, that I wouldn't be on the spotlight, that i should stop overthinking... but hell is not easy to just make my mind shift the way I want it to be.

Sometimes, I feel like it's really unfair that social anxiety is mostly seen like it shouldn't be a big deal at all compared to other phobias. Like for example my husband is afraid of the dark, many people experience that. So when he wants to go down to the kitchen at night, he wants me to come with him. If I say no then I'll probably be seen as the btch for not just giving in to the simple task of coming with him, right? A lot of people will just laugh it out and say they can totally relate. But if you come to think of it, my anxiety to people is just like that except I'm often pushed or forced to 'walk in the dark by myself'.
If I tell my fears to people, most of they will just say 'You can do it, just go with the flow' blah blah blah

It's annoying and unfair because what I'm feeling is as real as their fear of the dark. What if they're put in a situation where they are obliged to fear their phobias all the time, they'll probably get stressed the same way as me.

One time, when I was feeling pissed off and vengeful, hubby asked me to come with him to the kitchen at night and I was like "You said I should get out of my comfort zone right? Why don't you apply it to yourself right now to fill in your water bottle". He did it in the end but he was so pissed at the same time. It's like me whenever he asks me to attend with his social gatherings. I know he doesn't ask me to do it often but it's also like the 'going to the kitchen in the dark', I only asked him once and he was really upset.


Grrrrr..... Seriously, I want this day to end.

Holiday said:

I understand you. I personally are so anti-social and i can't even stand a group of more than 3 people, especially if there's a stranger. You should not feel guilty for not going out with him, unless you actually wanted to go. Remember that you have freedom of choice and if you are unwilling to go, then going shall do you no good at all.

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I know I have freedom of choice but most of the time I say no and it's ok with my hubby. To be fair with him, he is really understanding. However, for rare gatherings like this, I can't say no anymore. It will be selfish of me if I keep on rejecting his invitation. Being his wife, I should also sacrifice a little for my husband. Even if it kills me, I have to do things like this. I can't always make my husband 'wife-less' in social gatherings especially big events where I am expected to be there with him. :sad:

NamiraWilhelm said:

This is a big problem for me too. Friends or family. I feel like there's this enormous pressure to charm them so I just freak out... I mean it's fair enough to say our partner shouldn't pressure us into anything we don't want to do, but this is just them wanting us to be in their inner circle and we should be able to give that to them. And then even if I do feel brave enough to go and meet them I'm just extremely quiet and uncomfortable so rarely make a good impression anyway :/ sigh

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I don't mind being quiet. However, some gatherings require me to really participate and I hate it when it's my turn and all the eyes are on me. Imagine, they're all in a fun and joke-y mood and here I am nervous, trying to pretend calmness and happiness. It is so effin exhausting!

Just a minute ago he was like trying to comfort me that everything will be ok and he will help me ease the awkwardness later. *sigh* I'm happy to have a supportive husband like him, I just wish I can do better than this.

This is also the reason why I'm scared to get pregnant. I am concerned of my will-be child. I don't want him to absorb my anxiety (atleast while he/she is still growing in my tummy) because it will 'biologically' affect him/her. In order to avoid stress, we both decided that I should only do short shifts at work and to not expose me too much to big gatherings like this.

I am a contradiction. My personality loves traveling and experiencing new stuff, I like eating out, I like going to festivals, concerts and bazaars. But I suck in ordering at restaurants, I hate asking strangers for directions, I hate asking staffs about what they are selling, I dread random conversation with random people in a crowd.... but I don't mind being in a crowd. Being in a class is ok with me... but I hate it when I have to do reports or when I have to give my opinion in front of everyone. If only I have no SA, I'll probably be more of a happy and very outgoing person. Luckily, I have my hubby to do those things I dread most.