SocialPhobiaWorld.com  
     

Home Today's Posts Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
 
Go Back   SocialPhobiaWorld.com > Social Anxiety Disorder Forums > Social Anxiety Forum
 
Search this Thread
Old 11-14-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

Many men are shy around women. When a guy gets REALLY shy around women, he learns to fear (hate) them. Men like this still have active sex drives, and they often end up looking at pornography as a substitute for normal sexual relations with women, which they are unable to solicit. The more they look at pornography, the less able they are to relate to real women. After a while, even seeing a real woman on the street makes him feel like compulsively clutching his genitals.

Prostitutes say that their customers are overwhelmingly men with social anxiety -- they fear women and have to pay for sex.

Criminologists say that rapists are overwhelmingly men with social anxiety. They fear women and are trying to perform "cognitive behavioral therapy" on themselves by raping them in order to get over their fear of them.

Whenever someone is arrested for some bizarre and gruesome crime, witnesses and neighbors always say: "No one would have ever expected it from John -- he was always so gentle and mild-mannered, if not a little odd. He didn't quite meet my eyes, and seemed anxious around me." After a while, we should cease being surprised that "the ones you least suspect are the most dangerous."

Men, for your own sake, get a little confident, and develop normal relations with women. Also, stay away from any solo-sexual activities -- it just makes things worse.

Women, know that the men who pose a genuine threat to you are not the cads who constantly ask you out and flirt with you -- but the men with social anxiety disorder who are scared of you.

I don't mean to step on any toes, I just want to be brutally honest about the reality of the situation.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

Of course, not every man with SA is a dangerous rapist or serial killer. Many men with SA seem to go about life without hurting anybody else.

And not every rapist or serial killer has SA. Some of them (very few) are actually confident men who relate well with women.

But, when you look at the criminological literature, SA and crime track very closely. Normal men who are confident with women do NOT have to rape to get sex, do NOT have to prey on little children to get sex, do NOT have to have a corpse in the closet to get sex.

If you are a man with SA and you want to get motivated to recover, read the book "Notes from the Underground" by Fyodor Dostoyevski. This man understood SA like few authors have ever done before. He doesn't paint a pretty picture -- because it isn't a pretty picture.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
lifesnotfair's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

thanks.. there is so much in life to look forward to..

i don't relate to women, nor do woem like me, i have social phobia, so i am going to become a serial killer???

great.... another reason to be depressed..
lifesnotfair is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

I think this is a very risky thing to be posting on here. There was a post a while back where several people feared being viewed as a criminal because of the very stereotype you put forward. The reason so many of the people here have problems are because they fear the way society regards them. Sprouting this bullshit will not help.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
-Jp
-Jp's Avatar
Newbie User
 

this post is so gay, it's like the same if you would post on a forum with black people and say "hey why don't u get white, black people commit too many crimes"....u generalize one group of people
and i think people with SA that do those kind of things have other psycologic problems along with it
-Jp is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

In my experience rape isnt about getting sex its about power.

You are right about rape being about power. But it's about power AND sex.

The sex part is simple -- a rapist has an erection and ejaculates -- this is certainly sexual (at least to him). Of course, the victim doesn't experience the thing as sexual, even though the rapist does.

You emphasize the power aspect of rape -- and it emphasizes the very point I am trying to make. Men who are phobic of women feel powerless when they are with them. They feel despised and criticized. Judged and found unworthy. They are intimidated by a woman's sexuality and sexual organs. When you say rape is about power, I totally agree. It's an activity where the insecure, anxious man tries to assert power over something that terrifies him. When we feminists say that rape is about power, we are describing this cognitive behavioral therapy aspect of rape.

As for confirmation of what I've been saying, do some google searches on "fear of women" and "rape" and you'll see what I am talking about. Also, read some books by feminists like Catharine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin. Their books are chalk-full of statistics about rape and men. Rape is about a man who feels powerless trying to assert power over a woman.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Horatio's Avatar
Expert User
 

Yes I am a guy, yes I have social phobia, yes I find it impossible to get a girl but does that make me a rapist or serial killer? Hell no! I would never harm another individual, even when horny clueless *******s like yourself were beating me up to impress the girls I wouldnt raise my fists in anger because of the way I was brought up. Maybe that was wrong yes, maybe I shouldve been more violent and maybe it wouldve done ****s like you some good to be giving a beating.

I have a bad tendency to generalise sometimes, but with this post I have no hesitation with regards to that because you my friend are now the self appointed King of generalisations. You banter on about how all socialphobic males are a danger to women.... how the hell do you think that makes us men feel? We are honestly making an effort here! Its damn frustrating to feel unwanted and so lonely but that doesnt mean we will all seek to harm women or anyone for that matter!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Question
Women, know that the men who pose a genuine threat to you are not the cads who constantly ask you out and flirt with you -- but the men with social anxiety disorder who are scared of you.
Never have I heard such BS! For starters your post sounds like some kind of twisted pick up line justifying your own sexual wants. Read between the lines and your saying "Stay away from shy guys and take more notice of my flirtacious comments in the bar"

And secondly your statement is in fact proven to be false. Where did you pull this out of? What hidden vindeta do you possibly have against guys with SP to come on here and post this?

here are some facts that support the theory that in fact men with socialphobia are less likely to commit rape.

"The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that for 1992-1993, 92% of rapes were committed by known assailants" do some research and you will find that a lot of guys with SP do in fact not even know any females because they spend so much time alone in their homes

"About half of all rapes and sexual assaults against women are committed by friends and acquaintances, and 26% are by intimate partners."

"90 percent of rape victims attending colleges and universities knew the offenders. (Bureau of Justice Statistics. December 2000. The Sexual Victimization of College Women. Washington, DC: US Dept. of Justice" - a lot of guys like me are practically invisible to women

"Strangers are the perpetrators in 23 percent of female stalking incidences. Current or former husbands are the perpetrators 38 percent of the time; current or former co-habitating partners are the perpetrators 10 percent of the time; and current or former boyfriends are the perpetrators 14 percent of the time. (National Institute of Justice 2001. Stalking and Domestic Violence: The Third Report to Congress Under the Violence Against women Act. Washington, DC: US Depart. of Justice." - that means that 3/4 of stalking cases are committed by current partners etc not sex starved socialphobic strangers

"Male athletes in Division 1 schools make up only 2-3% of the entire student body, yet they account for 19-22% of sexual assaults (Schwartz & DeKeseredy, 1997" - why dont you go onto some athletic websites and tell them to change their wicked athletic way while your out pointing the finger?

"Schwartz & DeKeseredy (1997) discussed how men adhering to overly rigid masculine identities are more likely to hold attitudes that contribute to rape. These include:

Strong needs to appear “manly”

Restricting emotions

Displaying toughness and aggression

Need for achievement/status

Holding non-relational attitudes toward sex

Engaging in homophobic attitudes/behaviors "

Those attitudes are more commingly found in testorirone charged arrogant males who are more likely to be the ones using pick up lines than socialphobic men who are too scared to go out.

Im sick of being judged by people like you. Other socialphobic guys out there, read those stats Ive posted and rest assured that your not a sexual predator waiting to happen. Just be happy that we arent destructive ****s like the guy who started this topic
Horatio is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

It is interesting to some I suppose.

I certainly can see the logic behind people thinking that, people who don't have SP and don't know what its like on the inside could easily reach such a conclusion.

I can't speak for all men who have SP but I, like Horatio am a male with SP and would never ever do anything remotely like that to a woman. It's just not even in the equation for me ..

I definatly don't want this kind of stuff spouted off as gospel to people, being put in a box with rapists and serial killers just isn't right at all IMO.

I'm probably one of the most passive people around, I don't raise my fists to anyone. I can't remember the last time I was in a fight, if I have been. And if I have it would've been with a guy - I certainly have never laid a hand in anger to any woman.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
Yossarian's Avatar
Expert User
 

Are you confusing poor social skills and feelings of inadequacy with SP? they are two very different things. I realise it may not seem like it for someone who doesn't have SP and is looking in from the outside.
Yossarian is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
 

Does that mean you yourself are a rapist or serial killer then, question?
LilMissTragic is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
 

Actually criminologist say that serial killers (some of whom rape women before killing them) tend to be men who are loners (usually by choice) who have antisocial personality disorder (take a look at http://www.geocities.com/ptypes/antisocialpd.html for a definition), which is a disorder where people are totally self-centered and have an inability to empathize with other people. Allot of these people are loners by choice but can lure people in by an outgoing and charming personality.

I think the poster is being awefully biased and unfair. It seems as though you don't know what SA really is. And being biased you saw some evidence that may have supported your presumption of what SA is. But none of your documents say that these killers/rapists explicitly have SA. Yes, they do have a chip on there shoulder and maybe find it hard to relate to people, but those symptoms in themselves don't mean that these people have social anxiety disorder.

Maybe, you were hurt once, sorry if that was the case. It is also wrong and hurtful to paint all social phobic men as dangerous. I personally think social phobes whether male or female are some of the most labled and misunderstood people in the world- yes, I am aware that there maybe a slight bias there :roll:

egahtz! haha perfoming "cognitive-behavior therapy", you are truly warped, sorry, but maybe you should look up the phrase in an encyclopedia.

I think alot of people including men, become more self concious because of alot of 'brutally' honest opinions that aren't backed up by real facts but a distorted and biased interpretation of the facts. If you want to educate you need to start by being more objective and also educating yourself on the facts, not developing distorted hypothesis that are backed up with half truths and biased guessing. Try some compassion also- people are more likely to learn from objectivity and compassion rather than 'brutal' truths. Sorry, just being brutally honest.
wistful_dementia is offline  
Old 11-14-2004
 

hahaha... "no solo activity"... that is almost as insecure as someone saying women shouldn't use a vibrator, dildo, or have sex with other women, because I am afraid that it will warp your mind and you won't want to have sex with me anymore :roll: . sooo. ... absurd.

You kind of remind me of someone who would have been involved in witch burning. You fear those people who aren't just 'quite right' so you develope all sorts of distortions as an excuse to burn them. News for you- although alot of people who were burned were different most weren't in reality 'witches' or consorts of the devil. And even the spooky old women who were lonely outcasts weren't witches they were widows and goodwives who practiced traditional folk medicine- in reality most of them were very nice, just misunderstood. In other words just because someone acts differently doesn't necessarily mean that they are a danger.
wistful_dementia is offline  
Old 11-15-2004
sengd001's Avatar
Newbie User
 

OMG!!! That post scares the heck out of me, i hope your not serious, because i could never see myself doing anything like that. yes i'm socialphobic, and yes i don't relate to women too well, but don't you think that you are going too extreme??? That post has made me feel so embarassed to be a socialphobic young man. :oops:
sengd001 is offline  
Old 11-15-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

8O . Wow! What a freakin' scary post. What the hell happened to you in your life that you would believe this crap and feel the desire to post it here??
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-15-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

What's next? The boogy man is really a social phobe post? This is rediculous. You can't define an illness by saying W,X,Y,Z are criteria for social anxiety... hmmm... these serial killers/ rapists have W and Y qualities therefore they are socialphobes. That is just stupid. Maybe you should see a therapist for your paranoia.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-15-2004
 

I think this thread should be well and truly ignored. Dont be panicky about it and dont let it scare you, you all know what sort of person you are and I'm sure there aren't any people here that have any intentions of doing those things, I doubt any of you have even considered doing anything like it.
As they say, dont believe everything you read
LilMissTragic is offline  
Old 11-16-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

This is my perspective on what the original poster said:

1. First, it is an absurd overgeneralization to say that men with social anxiety are likely to become criminals. There must be tens of thousands of men like us in the US alone, and you simply do not see the numbers to warrant such an assumption. If SA leads to these social problems, it certainly doesn't do so in the VAST MAJORITY of men with SA.

2. The OP likely is a male who is very afraid that HE is a "bad person" who is offensive to women. Most of us men who have social/sexual anxiety around women are like this.

I know, for me, one of the extremely hurtful messages that has affected my emotions is the criticism that "men are inherently brutal and violent" and that "heterosexuality and male sexuality are inherently vicious." We men know that women fear us, and we assume that this means we are bad people and we worry that we are just as evil as they imagine us to be. (False)

I distrust my sexual attraction to their bodies, and I assume that my unfailing interest in their boobs, butts and legs makes me a bad or evil person. (False -- no matter what people say.)

3. So, in other words, the OP's message can reinforce these sorts of negative feelings -- by making us worry that we really ARE rapists, and therefore is very dangerous on a forum like this. Perhaps the moderators should remove this thread.

4. We should be avoiding all sorts of negative, unrealistic, and catastrophic thinking. Thus, we should avoid thoughts like "Every man is a potential rapist" or "insecure men are dangerous." (Even though certain people would encourage men and women to feel this way.)

5. But, the OP also makes good points. That fear is very closely related to hate, and that people in pain tend to inflict pain on others in order to overcome their pain -- we know these to be true. We've seen it in ourselves. I don't doubt that many rapists are frightened of women and do the things they do to assert power over them. But whatever else is true, YOU do not have to be that way.

6. Also, he/she is right that pornography leads to vicious and degrading attitude towards women, and men who are lonely often use it for comfort -- we'd all be better off without the nasty stuff and just do things the natural way. Sex SHOULD be social and should draw us -- men and women -- together. That's what it's for.

7. Again, I would repeat what was said earlier: Don't believe what you read. And, if you suffer from social anxiety caused by negative thinking: DON'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT YOU BELIEVE!

8. The value for a SA man in finding a girlfriend and becoming vulnerable with her is probably about the only good advice the OP gives.
Anonymous is offline  
Old 11-16-2004
 

Maybe the author of this post is biased because of a bad experience, or is just warped, or is a troll, either way her overall argument definitely doesn't float. I feel for her, but, I'm not taking the message of the posting seriously.
wistful_dementia is offline  
Old 11-17-2004
Oz
Oz's Avatar
Newbie User
 

"Many men are shy around women. When a guy gets REALLY shy around women, he learns to fear (hate) them. Men like this still have active sex drives, and they often end up looking at pornography as a substitute for normal sexual relations with women"


Yes, I'm sure only men with social anxiety make up for the multi-billions of dollars spent on porn annually. 80% of men view porn, not just men with SA. MARRIED men look at porn lol
Oz is offline  
Old 11-17-2004
Anonymous's Avatar
Elite User
 

i think this thoery applies more to guys who are antisocial.
Anonymous is offline  
Post Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search




Mobile Version
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2
All times are GMT. The time now is 12:19 AM.