Men with social anxiety are dangerous

Worrydoll,

I'm sorry. We all have problems, especially me. Too often we make our problems someone else's problem, as I've done here. Women don't seem to understand what it feels like to be hated and viewed with suspicion solely because a person was born a man. It is truly brutalizing. And, unfortunately, brutalized people brutalize each other -- as we see throughout our degenerate cultures.

wistful_dementia said:

yes, I agree w/ you horatio, I think we all including worry have come to that agreement. Maybe not the original poster, but maybe she never intended on being fair. Being strong requires a person man or woman to be fair... other wise we would just be taking the easy way out. I'm not assuming that she isn't strong already, but it took courage for Worry to come on here and risk a bunch of defensive men scream at her and it also took courage for her to admit that she doesn't agree with the original poster. Anyways, I understand your defensiveness but there is no need in kicking around a point that has already been made. Let's get over it already! We all should be more fair.

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yeah I think worry had guts to say what she did, and she has a right to say it too. Im probably just a little sensitive on the issue at the moment because of the original post. Yeah I know its bad to let some cyber terrorist suppress you with their emotional regime but its unfortunate that my depression latches onto anything negative and its a big effort for me to shake it off. For the next few months Im going to have to repeatedly tell myself that people really dont think Im a sexual predator and thats gonna be a lot of effort. Yeah I know its stupid, but its just part of my illness.

So worrydoll, Im sorry if my posts seem very defensive. They WERE very defensive but directed at the original poster and not you.

Hello Y'all!

Word to the wise. If you're afraid of women, there's a tried and true method of getting over the fear -- visiting a prostitute. In the thread "ARE U TIRED OF BEING A VIRGIN DUE TO UR SOCIAL PHOBIA," one fellow reports: "I waited till i was 20, but visiting a prostitute took away years of paranoia." There's nothing quite like visiting a prostitute to crawl out from under your mother's skirt.

I personally have never visited a prostitute, but I used to be anxious around women and now I am totally smoove. How? I did some intense therapy -- visiting strip clubs. Luckily for me, I live in a major southern US city well known as having more strip clubs than Vegas. It put a major dent in my wallet (they'll want to bankrupt you), but so would drugs and head shrinkers. The dif being, I recovered with the strippers.

Strippers are used to playing therapist. I'm totally up front with them about why I am there -- I tell them "I grew up in a very reserved family, and I didn't have enough experiences with women, to the point that I became very uptight and anxious with them. Now I want to look at your boobies" The strippers tell me: "Yawn, half the guys in here are guys who finally decided to get over their gynephobia. What do you want me to tell you about social interactions? Wanna lap dance?"

The first time you go to a strip club, you will take dances from any girl that sits on your lap no matter how she looks. By the third time, you will walk right up to the most gorgeous stripper with long legs, and big fake breasts and start talking. Now, I don't even pay for lap dances, they give them to me for free. I talk my way into their panties. I have nothing but love for the strippers.

Talk to the managers, talk to the bouncers, talk to the bar tenders, talk to the customers -- it will give you a different perspective on life and a newfound appreciation for your masculinity. The men who work there are about the most uninhibited guys around women that you'll ever meet. There's a reason for that.

Also, do your homework before you go -- read "G-strings and Sympathy" describing the industry and, in particular, the men who go to strip clubs. They say they go "to relax" i.e. to perform cognitive behavioral therapy on themselves. It's no coincidence that the industry sprung up during the '80's concurrently with the development of modern sexual harassment law which set up barriers of hostility and ill feeling between men and women everywhere else.

Now, I no longer go to strip clubs, but I still carry with me the lessons I learned there. I still walk up to gorgeous ladies -- at church, at the mall, at work -- and look at them and talk to them like I would a stripper. There really is nothing to fear.

I owe everything to you, Aphrodite, Bambi, Chocolate, Desire, Eden, Fabulous, Gypsy, Heaven, Isis, Jezebel, Kitten, Luscious, Mocha, Nasty, Opal, Panther, Queen, Raven, Spice, Temptation, Unique, Vixen, Willow, Xena, Yasmin, and ESPECIALLY Zoe!

guest... as much as I would like to overcome my anxiety round women I dont think I would want to go to such extremes. Yes I am constantly rejected but call me old fashioned, I still think that women should be treated with respect

At this point can i remind you all to make no judgement on either gender if you dont actually know the people. Its only once we know someone that we can have an opinion about then, unless you want to be shallow and judge them on the way they look only. So far I kinda like everyone here, male or female, young and old. That would probably change in real life, if i knew you all personally and I'm sure we would be liked and disliked equally. I'm in a loving mood. I feel I must sing now....

Awe, me too.... I love you all.. Can a guy get away with that.. who cares anyways... well all of you except 'norm'. But I don't hate him or her

Horatio said:

guest... as much as I would like to overcome my anxiety round women I dont think I would want to go to such extremes. Yes I am constantly rejected but call me old fashioned, I still think that women should be treated with respect

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I'm glad that's working out so well for you.

I hadn't felt genuine human compassion and authentic femininity as strongly as I did before I met a certain stripper. She cried when I told her about my anxieties and where it came from. She taught me how to be a man and a human, and she could teach the women on this thread a fair bit about what it means to be a woman. I will NEVER apologize or be embarrassed about visiting her on a regular basis. Of course, I would have loved to date her, but as such a confident, self-assured, sexually comfortable, feminine woman, she needed a type of mate that I couldn't be. Now I am dating other women and expressing my respect for them instead of avoiding them, and I am SOOO glad I jump started my recovery.

There's a reason these places exist. Recovery is all about jumping out from your shadow. If you're unwilling to do this, expect to be afflicted for the rest of your life.

What else did I do? I changed my name, I left my country. Radical problems require radical solutions. But, hey, it's your life -- don't forget, you only have one.

Also, remember that other people really don't give a damn about you or how you live your life. So do what you want, be proud of what you do, and never make excuses, never make apologies. It's YOUR life -- don't let other people enslave you and hold your puppet strings. (Nobody even wants to hold your puppet strings, but you keep f*****g handing them to people. Stop it now.)

Also, remember Rule Number One about being a man: Do not, under any circumstances, ever, for any reason, no matter what (am I making this clear?) let women tell you how to be a man. Learn from men: wise men, successful men, but men. Do you know what I found out when I asked men (successful men, men with wives, children, jobs) what they did? They said they look at tits, they've been to strip clubs tens of times. Try to be a normal man, because your attempt to be a superman has failed miserably.

Strange, I am a guy and I don't feel the need to be like you. I've been with women in the past without having to act out agressively or chauvinistically. These women here make good points, but we have already made it clear that everyone needs to be respectful of their natural differences while correcting certain mistakes created by society like it is a man's god given right to be sexist. Sure fart, drink your beer, and scratch your ass if you want , I am sure you will find some woman that will accept you. But I think people need to be thoughtful,less selfish , and respectful. Especially when it comes to other people's bodies. You don't need anyone like smokey preaching to you how to be.

"I think people need to be thoughtful,less selfish , and respectful. Especially when it comes to other people's bodies."

The problem is, for men with social anxiety, so much of what they perceive to be thoughtful and respectful is not genuine compassion, born of love and concern, but is inhibition and self-consciousness born of pride and insecurity. They want to be perceived as loving, but it is not real. Do you think the men who get all shy and anxious around women, and then come in here and say "women are cruel and reject me" are really acting polite around women because they LOVE women, or is it rather because they are phobic of women and are afraid of being judged negatively?

Strip away the pride and ass-covering and maybe you will finally unearth a kernel of love to live out.

Here's a great song for Social Phobes: "Can't Keep it In" by Cat Stevens:

Oh I can't keep it in can't keep it in
I've gotta let it out.
I've got to show the world, world's got to see.
See all the love, love that's in me - I said
Why walk alone. Why worry when it's warm over here.
You got so much to say, say what you mean.
Mean what you're thinkin', and think anything.
Oh why, why must you waste you're life away.
YOu've got to live for today, then let it go - oh
Lover, I want to spend this time with you.
There's nothing I wouldn't do, if you let me know.
And I can't keep it in, I can't hide it and
I can't lock it away.
I'm up for your love, love heats my blood
Blood spins my head, and my head falls in love.
No I can't keep it in, I can't keep it in
I've gotta let it out
I've got to show the world, world's got to know,know of the love, love that lies low, so why can't you say, if you know then why can't you say
You've got too much deceit, and deceit kills the light.
Light,needs has to shine, I said shine light, shine light. Love, that no way to live you life.
You allow too much to go by, and that won't do - no
Lover, I want to have you here by my side Now don't you run don't you hide while I'm with you N I can't keep it in,Ican't keep it in I gotta let it out I've gotta show the world, worlds's got to see see all the love, love thats in me I said why walk alone Why worry when it's warm over here You got so much to say, say what you mean Mean what you're thinkin' and thing anything, why not? Now why why why not?

first of all NOT ALL SA MEN are saying that get a clue genius. 2ndly, alot of cruel women are as ignorant as cruel simple minded men like yourself... go preach your propaganda somewheres else... If everyone thought more wisely instead of saying...'gee, it's too hard for me to be conscientious why should I even bother... it make me feel inadequate when I try'. ... give me a break weakling... we have this brain in order to help us survive in a cope and adapt...sorry if you are to lazy and insecure to use it. While not always sometimes thinking reasonably and correctly means that we have to go against the status quo in order to make the world a better place. We humans are complex, while there is no doubt we are born physically and mentally different, society also influences the degrees to which view ourselves as a man or woman based off of stereotypes. We can sometimes buck the illusions in order to make society better for both male and female.

Now, I like women as much as the next man and like most men I am a visual and physical creature... but to say I have to go see a prostitue in order to understand or be comfortable around women doesn't make any sense. Both women and men have to change their narrow viewpoints about human sexuality and try to see things from the other person's perspective.

Also, there are many 'pro-female agenda' women who don't hate men... you just don't know where to look. Alot of women as well as men have to change their thinking.

Insecurity/social anxiety is a simulacrum of respect and, to use your word "conscientiousness." It looks a lot like it from the outside, but after a while, people will figure out that it is just a sham. It is selfishness, pride, and self-obsession. This is NOT who I want to be, and it's not characteristic of anybody I care to associate myself with.

Visiting a prostitute is valuable if you learn to become vulnerable with a woman and strip away the mask that you were so desperate to protect that caused your insecurity. It is possible to treat a prostitute with tenderness and respect. It is also possible to heap abuse on her as I imagine a lot of socially anxious men are likely to do. It's just a suggestion -- I am not telling anybody to do it, I haven't. BUT, again, it is a tried and true method of boys losing their inhibitions with women.

You call be a "genius" (sarcastically), "ignorant," "cruel," "simple minded," "weakling," "lazy," "insecure." These abusive words are not surprising to hear coming from a person suffering from misanthropy (also known as social anxiety). But, you know what? I can take it -- because coming from you, they are a compliment. But more importantly, I can take it because I am a MAN.[/b]

hahahha... misanthropy= social anxiety... you come up with all sorts of paranoid hypothesis based off of no factual info. + you jump to conclusions... what is wrong with you?

you are a man- another words a woman can't be strong. your logic is flawed... go troll somewheres else.

Oh here's to my sweet Satan. The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan. He'll give you give you 666, and there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.

social anxiety is a disorder. as far as selfish, pride etc... why do you feel the need to teach those you know nothing about? selfish- everyone is selfish.... alot of people fool themselves into believing that they aren't.. so we might as well say that there is nothing wrong with selfish motivations as long as it benifits or at least doesn't hurt someone else.

are you sure you are not thinking of antisocial, which is completely different from social anxiety?

I've met alot of SA men at meets and stuff, I have a few as best mates, I've never felt threatened in any way ,they seem far more warm and caring than most men I've met and dont have an aggressive bone in thier body.

I think the poster is very mixed up here, a rapist may be socially withdrawn but that dosnt make all SA men rapists no more than it makes all normal guys rapists.

I think the poster should put thier brain in gear before they open thier mouth, or maybe they are one of those lesbian man haters?

worrydoll said:

strippers are you saying that the sp men who are nice and respectful to me are faking it? tell me about that..its an interesting theory..

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Worrydoll,

Ok, now we're talking about MOTIVATIONS for BEHAVIOR. Everyone knows that socially anxious people are anxious because they fear being embarrassed and judged negatively. This motivation is extremely self-referential. It is all about pride and ass-saving. I want to protect some kind of image that I am trying to project to you. I want to control your thoughts and especially control how you perceive me. These motivations are all about SELF.

There are other reasons to do things -- love, compassion, and sympathy. I disagree with the poster who said these things don't exist. I have experienced them in others and in myself.

So, two people could do the very same thing but have different motivations for doing them. A man could be nice and respectful because he loves you and wants to express his love to you, or he could be nice and respectful because he wants to project a certain image about himself and does not want to be judged negatively. The two men are doing the same thing, but the first does it because of love, and the second does it because of fear. Two wholly different motivations. The first man is mature, honorable, decent, and dependable. The second man needs to grow up and become humble and less self-obsessed. From the outside, they look the same, until you get to know them.

This is why it's very hard to judge by appearances. A man could stare at a woman's body because (a) he hates women, (b) he loves women, (c) he is afraid of women, or (c) any other of a million different motivations. A man could refrain from looking at a woman's body because (a) he hates women, (b) he loves women, (c) he is afraid of women, or (c) any other of a million different motivations.

Become a person motivated by other-centered love and not self-centered image projection. It will not necessarily make you engage in one particular behavior as opposed to others, but in the long run, other people will notice and you will be of some use to some other person but yourself. This is what it means to become an adult and claim your humanity.