T. Charles

I turned 40 this year, and am determined to force myself to be more outgoinig and social- I went to a club where they give salsa dancing lessons- It was fun until people were instructed to find a partner-....I panicked.

next thing I knew, I was sitting in a bathroom stall hyper-ventalating.

I dont' want to be single for life- Barring getting drunk, any advice on how to overcome my crippling shyness?

kayelle

Do it again and again. Every time you have a panic attack, it means you're putting yourself into that situation that you fear, and that's good. You need to go back there. I find coping statements fantastic. Figure out what scares you the most about being in that situation and then write down statements to counteract that, things like 'I am a worthy person', 'I am safe and happy here', 'I am present and I feel free', 'I accept that I am feeling anxious but these sensations are not dangerous, this will pass', things like that. The only way (in my opinion) to get over that which you fear is to face it. How would you get over a phobia of spiders? By exposing yourself to spiders and learning that they're ok and not dangerous.
It's the same with the shyness and anxiety. You have to go through that horrible part and learn to cope with it and accept it and come out the other side.
I hope you find the strength to go back to the class, imagine how great it would be to conquer that fear and get some confidence!

tiscircle

Well, to find a partner among, let's say, a hundred of strangers, is difficult, maybe simple because you don't know them at all?

i assume you joined the club by yourself, as otherwise, you would be fine tagging along with whoever you would have brought along.

it's quite tricky to tell whether or not that one partner will gladly accept you or otherwise.

well, this advice may not be new, but maybe just focus on reminding urself "i deserve to have a partner", or "i deserve to have x" again and again might get u the strength.

otherwise, if u can't focus, u could take a yoga class instead.

rand0m_guy

Hi,

Sorry to hear what happened. I've had a few panic attacks in various toilets before myself so can totally relate. It's not nice.

My personal weapon against anxiety attacks through social situations has been exercise. Sounds simple but it's very effective for me. I'm sure it could be of at least some benefit to anyone that can motivate themselves to do it.

Get your yourself a bit fitter (I go jogging/cycling), then a few couple of hours before the social event exercise vigorously. Obviously if you plan on going to salsa again you're going to need to save a little energy for that.

It's a LOT harder for your body to become anxious after you've done a lot of physical activity. There's only so much adrenaline that your body can make/use in a certain time period. The lessening of the physical anxiety will in turn help your mental anxiety as they are so closely linked, and have a vicious circle effect on each other.

Don't write off the idea before you've tried it because it sounds simple. Exersize is one of the most powerful anti-anxiety agents going.

You may want to consider some kind of therapy to if you haven't already done it. If you don't think you could do that in person, there's good books such as...



...That you may be able to take something from to.

I hope things work out for you.

danstelter

Yes, keep at it is good advice indeed. You had a small setback. But, conquering anxiety is like this: you take 2 steps forward and one backward. In this case, you challenged yourself to at least go and try something that you wanted to do (very good), but it ended up in a panic attack (not the desirable outcome). However, the good news is that you can keep going again and again. In fact, if you really wanted, you could go in the bathroom, wait out the panic attack, and then rejoin the dancing group.

If people ask you where you were, simply say that you had to use the bathroom, or that you received an important cell call (just make something up that is believable).

Great work on at least trying, which is the first step. If you keep at it your anxiety will continue to reduce until you finally realize that you are not panicking in situations you panicked before, and you will realize that panic attacks eventually pass and are not as intense and frequent as they were in the past. Just keep at it!