My family doesn't even care

Does anyone else have a family that doesn't give a sht about your problems? I'm 23 and live my parents, none of them have ever shown any interest as to why i've never had any friends or girlfriend or why am i locked up in my room 24/7 my whole life without talking to anyone, also have 2 sisters, both of them have boyfriends and awesome social life and neither has ever tried to help me with my problem, they even often make fun of me because i dont have any friends, and one of them says im retarded. They bring their boyfriends home to have sex or throw a party at home with their friends and i literaly lock myself in my room and cry everytime it happens, its bad enough that none has ever tried to help me or show any concern for my situation, they also dont need to rub their amazing social lifes in my face.

I wouldn't say that my family doesn't care--they are just in denial, not only of my issues, but their own. My parents never seemed too concerned about me, and even when I asked for mental health help, my mom told me to get a job and never brought it up again.
I'm sorry that your family is not supportive of you. Do you have any other outlets (like therapy?)
The best thing for me was to move out, and that was when I was able to take charge (somewhat) of my situation. I sought out counseling in college, even though my mom and boyfriend at the time both told me to "suck it up." It was one of the hardest things I've ever done (I was extremely anxious going to the counselor, and could barely talk through all the crying...), but it was very liberating, also.
Maybe if you are able to distance yourself from them, you will find ways to help yourself. I realize that this may not be feasible, depending on your financial situation, and the extent of your anxiety, but if you are able to do so, I think it could help.
I hope you are able to find the support you need to get through this and have the life you want.

My parents don't believe I have SA, although I don't know how they couldn't because it seems so blatantly obvious to me that anyone would, they pretty much write me off in that aspect. My siblings have great social lives also, but I don't think they intentionally rub it in my face. I'm sorry that you're going through this, have you ever tried sitting your parents down to talk about it? Maybe then they'll see how serious you are about it.

They 'don't care' because they don't understand.
There is pretty much ZERO education out there for mental illness.
People hide it because they're embarrassed - the media tends to demonize it; so no one talks about it... and then everyone is ignorant about it.
They can't recognize an anxiety attack when they have one -- don't recognize when a loved one is depressed and in danger of ending their lives until they get the guts to do it (because no one appeared to CARE- because they didn't know or were in denial)

It's stupid.

I'd say I'm lucky to have been born into a family with a very long history of depression, addiction, anxiety, personality disorders, mania, mental breakdowns, etc. but that wouldn't really be the right word to use... haha 'lucky'.

Anyways... what I'm saying is that people often don't care about what isn't happening to THEM in their own personal lives. They can't understand it unless they've been through it and often just ignore things, anyways.

Aye, pretty much.

Though, I think ma mum more in denial aboot ma depression - but she does struggle with that herself. So hearing me talkin' about ma struggle doesnae exactly help matter.

Ah git the usually "No, yer just shy.." as if that reassure me or makes me feel better aboot the fact I feel uncomfortable in social situations. Ma mum and oldest sister pretty thought I was lying when I told them I had social anxiety. Also, constantly being told "Ye just need some confidence", like ye can just suddenly go from being anxiety to confidence faster than Clark Kent turns intae Superman.

Also, being forced into social situation unexpectedly doesn't exactly help. But ma family keep tellin' me it's for the best so... I just going along with it. Awkward as it may be.

My family has diagnosed me early on as "the loner" type, alternatively "bitchy" or "people-hater" when I'm resisting their methods of treatment for my anxiety which has been basically to stop hiding and get out of the house and socialize with people. Sometimes it seems to me that they enjoy seeing me struggle around people and devising ways to avoid attention, conversation, etc. But in reality they just don't comprehend that I do struggle.

It's my fault as I never said anything to explain that I think I have SA and never tried to deal with it constructively. I've only pushed them away and kept to myself. In fact, this is my first attempt to do anything about it...

I hope things get better for you.

FountainandFairfax said:

My family has an "old school" mentality when it comes to mental disorders, it's a giant blind-spot with the whole clan.

I'm 37 years old, and they still offer groundbreaking advice like "Everybody's shy sometimes." and asking demeaning questions like "How come you can go into that store but you can't go in that one?" Which is basically just a way of trying to stump me.

My attitude for the last couple of years has finally become adversarial, and it basically boils down to "If you don't care enough to even familiarize yourselves with the basics of my disorder, then you don't get to offer childish advice or interrogate me."

Like you, I have a sibling, and a few years ago it was discovered that he was a raging alcoholic. My mother's reaction? Send him to an expensive rehab and read a bunch of Al-Anon pamphlets and books on alcohol addiction. My mother has never read a single book on social phobia or AVPD.

When I asked about the discrepancy, I was basically told that it was too much of a gamble to potentially throw money away on therapy that might not work. Meanwhile, my brother's been arrested five times in the last three years and they've spent THOUSANDS of dollars keeping him out of prison.

It makes noooooooo sense.

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Yeah i know that people can give bad advises given that don't know anything about certain mental illnesses, but what bothers me is that my family didn't even try to gave me any advises even if they were bad, they simply didn't care, its like i am non-existing to them.

TreeBones said:

have you ever tried sitting your parents down to talk about it? Maybe then they'll see how serious you are about it.

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Yeah i explained it to my parents like 2 years ago, had to take the first step since they wouldn't talk to me, told them how i'm very lonely and have suffered from depression most of my life, my mom said "There's a lot of people that are worse than you, in Africa children are dying from starving, at least you have food, you should be thankful for the life you got".... this doesn't really help me.

WeirdyMcGee said:

They 'don't care' because they don't understand.
There is pretty much ZERO education out there for mental illness.
People hide it because they're embarrassed - the media tends to demonize it; so no one talks about it... and then everyone is ignorant about it.
They can't recognize an anxiety attack when they have one -- don't recognize when a loved one is depressed and in danger of ending their lives until they get the guts to do it (because no one appeared to CARE- because they didn't know or were in denial)

It's stupid.

I'd say I'm lucky to have been born into a family with a very long history of depression, addiction, anxiety, personality disorders, mania, mental breakdowns, etc. but that wouldn't really be the right word to use... haha 'lucky'.

Anyways... what I'm saying is that people often don't care about what isn't happening to THEM in their own personal lives. They can't understand it unless they've been through it and often just ignore things, anyways.

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You are right about how people often don't understand the kind of pain others go through unless they experience it themselves, but at least they can clearly see that i'm not happy even if they know understand the cause or the source of the pain, the fact that i have never had any friends should ring a bell on them, and its something they should pick up on, i had a very odd life compared to the rest of people my age have had yet they didn't show any signs of concern for me, everyone just acted as if i was living a perfectly normal life.

Personally, i think parents are a terrible place to seek help with SA. Why? Because they contributed to our SA genetically.

Someone that passed down problems is not the best to look for advice and support because they themselves gave you the problem.

I'm a big believer that nature plays a giant role in this disorder.

Unless your parents are the "life of the party" and extremely outgoing with no SA problems whatsoever, I would recommend seeking help elsewhere besides the 'rents.

chances are, your parents are partly responsible for your SA and even taught you (without know they taught you of course) to be non-social. There are numerous ways they can do this. My parents are both uptight and loners. they have been setting that example to me for years and that does have an impact on their kids. No I'm not saying parents are 100% to blame, but they play a big role in nurturing us to be a certain way.

My dad loves to spend a lot of his time at work and at home. I've never seen him actually call a friend and I'm not sure if he has any actual friends. My mom is similar. These people raised me.....that sure didn't help.

Needless to say after what I just wrote, mommy and daddy ain't the best to be looking for support from. At least not MY parents.

I think my family are the most likely to help if I reach out.

shybutsexy said:

Yeah i explained it to my parents like 2 years ago, had to take the first step since they wouldn't talk to me, told them how i'm very lonely and have suffered from depression most of my life, my mom said "There's a lot of people that are worse than you, in Africa children are dying from starving, at least you have food, you should be thankful for the life you got".... this doesn't really help me.

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I also got the "you have no reason to be depressed" line from my mother. You're right that it doesn't help at all.

This comes from your parents simply not understanding your issues, as explained by others here already. Simply having access to basic human needs doesn't make you happy, and your mother hopefully will understand one day about that. Did you tell her that other people's plight isn't helpful to you? Is it even possible to try to explain it?

shybutsexy said:

You are right about how people often don't understand the kind of pain others go through unless they experience it themselves, but at least they can clearly see that i'm not happy even if they know understand the cause or the source of the pain, the fact that i have never had any friends should ring a bell on them, and its something they should pick up on, i had a very odd life compared to the rest of people my age have had yet they didn't show any signs of concern for me, everyone just acted as if i was living a perfectly normal life.

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Hmm. Another theory is that they do realise something is wrong but live in denial about it, pretending that you're okay and you don't need any help. They're not blind - I would say they've picked up on you having no friends - but they may think it's a "phase" that you can magically come out of.

I think you need to continue pestering your parents about it. It seems like they're the only ones that have the financial advantage to help, but you have to keep trying. Keep bringing it up. Maybe mention meds or therapy - as in, be specific about your needs. Maybe they'll start wising up.

Have you ever tried asking for help? My they think you are content to be the way you are.